1
00:03:44,700 --> 00:03:56,300
So I told Jose that South America wasn't 
big enough for the both of us. I told him 
he couldn't conquer Lima with his disgruntled, 
tiny army. Only I could do it.

2
00:03:56,400 --> 00:04:12,200
So Jose is like, "you're insane, to care 
for these people you need a strong government 
like a Monarchy." Crazy, I know.

3
00:04:12,300 --> 00:04:19,600
I told him a Republic was the only fair way 
to govern an Independant South America. We 
argued a little bit, but everyone knew Jose 
was a pushover at most things.

4
00:04:19,700 --> 00:04:26,300
So I gave Jose a lil' slap on the face. "Come 
on Jose, get your shit together and see if 
you can make some changes elsewhere."

5
00:04:26,400 --> 00:04:35,400
Then he says "But Simon, I was here first. 
I had to climb over the Andes to get this 
far. It's no fair."

6
00:04:35,500 --> 00:04:40,300
You know what? I told him, "How about you 
go to Europe and change the system from there?"

7
00:04:41,200 --> 00:04:42,300
He left.

8
00:04:50,300 --> 00:04:51,300
He left!

9
00:04:51,400 --> 00:04:56,200
All the way to freaking France!

10
00:05:02,600 --> 00:05:14,000
People said it was self-imposed but I know 
that he was kicked out of every office he 
went to. People thought he was insane! Some 
grassroots hippie! Never came back, he was 
so embarrassed.

11
00:05:18,200 --> 00:05:21,400
Almost immediately, I liberate Lima and send 
him a letter about how easy it was.

12
00:05:24,200 --> 00:05:29,800
I lied and told him that all of South America 
was saying that Jose was the worst liberator 
in history!

13
00:05:34,700 --> 00:05:38,800
I could hear him crying all the way from 
France!

14
00:05:39,200 --> 00:05:46,300
Little snot got what he wanted in the end 
though. I declared myself Presidet for LIFE 
when I was finished liberating South America.

15
00:05:55,700 --> 00:06:00,400
I had a chocolate milk fountain installed 
in my palace! Then I got the best painter 
in Gran Columbia to paint it for Jose and 
sent it to him!

16
00:06:00,500 --> 00:06:09,400
No, but seriously, Jose did a lit of work 
to liberate southern South America. He was 
a true Patriot. Made my job so easy though!

17
00:06:10,500 --> 00:06:12,800
Of course I got most of the credit though.

18
00:06:15,000 --> 00:06:17,900
What a gullible guy! Like candy! From a baby!