1
00:00:00,00 --> 00:00:05,300
Schwartz has been having some success online 
dating.

2
00:00:05,400 --> 00:00:11,000
He's been on a few dates, but they've all 
proven fruitless and He hasn't gotten his 
end wet once.

3
00:00:11,100 --> 00:00:15,900
Now we are afraid he's going to fall for 
the first pretty girl that lets him touch 
her boobs.

4
00:00:18,000 --> 00:00:22,600
He's a New Jersey life guard, he'll get laid 
before the next high tide if he wants.

5
00:00:22,700 --> 00:00:30,100
Chief....................Schwartz....

6
00:00:31,200 --> 00:00:40,200
Schwartz isn't a lifeguard anymore. He gave 
it up to be a firefighter/EMT at Horsham.

7
00:00:51,200 --> 00:01:00,100
Everyone that thinks EMS is stupid needs 
to leave the room.

8
00:01:00,200 --> 00:01:13,200


9
00:01:13,300 --> 00:01:25,600
He's not a lifeguard???  Are you fucking 
kidding me???  He gave that up to be an EMT???

10
00:01:27,200 --> 00:01:32,600
It's OK Miss Mopar, he swiped right on you 
too.

11
00:01:32,700 --> 00:01:40,000
He gave up sunny beaches and tan women to 
be an Uber driver for the Horsham Center 
for Jewish Life.

12
00:01:41,100 --> 00:01:43,800
But they also made him Chief Engineer.

13
00:01:43,900 --> 00:01:46,900
He had free use of the row boat!

14
00:01:47,000 --> 00:01:48,700
He can also now wear a leather helmet.

15
00:01:48,800 --> 00:01:52,600
The free plastic helmet provides just as 
much protection.

16
00:01:52,700 --> 00:01:57,500
Did he at least buy the helmet from Dags?

17
00:01:57,600 --> 00:02:02,400
Remember when firemen used to get all the 
ass?

18
00:02:05,700 --> 00:02:13,900
Now all they do is work multiple jobs, drink 
too much, and insult each other in chat groups.

19
00:02:14,000 --> 00:02:17,400
At least he didn't become a Police Officer.

20
00:02:17,500 --> 00:02:22,300
Art was a cop then switched to fireman. It 
worked out good for him, too good.

21
00:02:27,200 --> 00:02:30,400
Does Schwartz still live in the ghetto?

22
00:02:30,500 --> 00:02:36,200
I hear he doesn't even have a working oven. 
 He can't bring a girl home if he wanted.

23
00:02:41,900 --> 00:02:48,800
When I was his age you could just get a girl 
drunk to get in her pants.

24
00:02:48,900 --> 00:02:53,700
Now you need to "connect" with them on some 
spiritual level through some app.

25
00:02:53,800 --> 00:03:00,000
I hear girls today let you lick their assholes. 
 Remember when that was a one-way street?

26
00:03:00,100 --> 00:03:04,900
The didn't even shave their boxes back then.

27
00:03:05,000 --> 00:03:09,800
I've been telling you that you need to trim 
better...and bleach that asshole.

28
00:03:16,100 --> 00:03:23,300
Get married, they said.  It'll be fun, they 
said.

29
00:03:31,500 --> 00:03:38,800
Never refer to your wife as your ex when 
she is right next to you.

30
00:03:40,500 --> 00:03:43,200
Then puke in her new car.

31
00:03:45,800 --> 00:03:49,800
I assure you it's not a good idea.

32
00:03:53,200 --> 00:03:55,800
Does the Chief Engineer at least get a white 
helmet?