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[Captions by Nope Nope]

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Ace Combat Zero is a game which at first 
appears to be about planes and war,

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but then hits the player with giant lasers 
and thermonuclear retaliation.

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This game takes place in the Strangereal 
universe in which the nation of Belka

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h a s  h a d  e n o u g h

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and invades its neighbours of

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and invades its neighbours of Ustio,

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and invades its neighbours of Ustio, Osea,

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and invades its neighbours of Ustio, Osea, 
and Sapin

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(which is just Spain with two letters switched).

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You play as a mute mercenary in charge of 
his best friend,

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and your task is to liberate Ustio,

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and your task is to liberate Ustio, stop 
the Belkans,

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and your task is to liberate Ustio, stop 
the Belkans, and deliver an everlasting peace 
and prosperity to the world.

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[Act I]

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[Act I: Directus]

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"Hello ladies and gentlemen welcome to your 
first ever sortie,"

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"please ignore the subtitles at the bottom 
of the briefing."

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"I don't know what's causing them and it's 
probably a ghost."

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"I would like to be absolutely frank with 
the reality that God hates us,"

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"and out airforce now consists of two men 
with dubious psychological scores."

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"Go kill some enemy bombers, it'll be cRaAaAaZy~"

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So you're sent out into the mountains where 
you'll probably die,

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and you get very acquainted with your cool 
buddy,

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and you get very acquainted with your cool 
buddy, whose name is Solo Wing Pixy.

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You are a member of the Galm team, which 
is a reference to Garm

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You are a member of the Galm team, which 
is a reference to Garm from

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You are a member of the Galm team, which 
is a reference to Garm from Norse

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You are a member of the Galm team, which 
is a reference to Garm from Norse my

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You are a member of the Galm team, which 
is a reference to Garm from Norse mytho

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You are a member of the Galm team, which 
is a reference to Garm from Norse mytholo

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You are a member of the Galm team, which 
is a reference to Garm from Norse mythology,

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You are a member of the Galm team, which 
is a reference to Garm from Norse mythology, 
but Japanese.

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You quickly get nervous about the enemy bombers, 
including the ones attempting to escape your 
wrath.

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And the mission is accomplished within two 
minutes.

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And the mission is accomplished within two 
minu- wait you can hit those?

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So you're sent out into the mountains where 
you'll probably die,

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"This mission further seeks to lull you into 
a sense of blindly following orders and fufilling 
our tactical objectives,"

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"which is not a theme that will backfire 
on us."

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"Make sure you don't target the tents of 
refugees in the area,"

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"Make sure you don't target the tents of 
refugees in the area, I promise you that 
there is no gameified point benefit to that."

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So you go straight for the fuckin windmills

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(try to make grain now you stupid Dutch bastard, 
can't even wear correct shoes)

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I'm totally serious though, you get points 
for destroying refugee tents, it's funny.

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Now laugh.

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Besides that, all you have to do is take 
out all of the targets in the mission with 
your buddy,

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who was on Are You Afraid Of The Dark season 
1 episode 1 as the youngest child

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(I'm serious, look it up)

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Then you win because it takes a speedrunner 
30 seconds to do this mission.

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"We are sending you now to secure the strategic 
airzone of B7R."

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"It is known as the Round Table due to how 
many wars were fought there previously,"

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"so don't trip on any skulls while walking 
in."

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What awaits you there is a climactic and 
important battle featuring all of the greatest 
pilots in the world.

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Pixy, thinking quickly, sets his HUD to W 
for Wumbo,

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and you engage the enemy, barely dodging 
their bullets and retaliating in return.

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Then, just on the cusp of victory, you look 
to the horizon and see planes approaching.

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But these are not normal planes.

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"Wait a fucking second, did I hear that right?"

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"What do you mean by that?"

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"The drowning part, Schmitt, i-is that real?"

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"..."

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"...Yes."

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"So was that like a prank, or was it just 
like a-"

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"No, it's just water."

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"Ah, ok."

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"Bro I think we gotta shoot him down before 
he dies."

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"Later bitch."

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"Hello."

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"My name is John McNamera, and I'm an interviewer 
for the Osean Broadcasting Corporation."

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"What you had just seen was an interview 
between myself and Mr Schmitt of the former 
Grun squadron."

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"I am slowly beginning to unravel the mystery 
of the long lost pilot known as Cypher,"

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"and I knew my best bet to find Cypher was 
to interview as many people as I could from 
the 1995 Belkan War."

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"In fact, we didn't have to look far at all 
for his wingman,"

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"In fact, we didn't have to look far at all 
for his wingman, who is standing outside 
of my house with a gun."

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"It is time to lay a path for the liberation 
of the Ustio capital of Erectus."

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"It is time to lay a path for the liberation 
of the Ustio capital of- I mean-"

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"It is time to lay a path for the liberation 
of the Ustio capital of Directus."

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"Choose your own adventure!"

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"It doesn't matter."

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So you are sent into the Futuro canal to 
destroy all the targets you are told to shoot 
like a good dog.

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And that's it.

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And that's it. Like, d-do you expect a fuckin 
circus?

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And that's it. Like, d-do you expect a fuckin 
circus? It's a PS2 game.

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At least in this mission you are able to 
fully admire the fine cuisine of the crusted 
JPEG.

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"I gotta say Galm 1, awesome job taking out 
those enemy children."

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"Thanks to you the liberation of the workers 
of Directus is at hand."

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"Thanks to you the liberation of the- I mean- 
of Directus is at hand."

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"Thanks to you the liberation of the people 
of Directus is at hand."

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"Your uh next mission will therefore be to... 
ahh... help the job creating factory owners 
and landlords enter their rightfully attained 
property."

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So you and your buddy protect Jeff Bezos 
on the way to the town of Solis Ortis.

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That's latin for fuckin sunrise I'm not stupid,

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That's latin for fuckin sunrise I'm not stupid, 
[I'm not transcribing this lmao]

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My favourite part of the mission is taking 
out all of the targets and then the mission 
ends within a few minutes.

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"What the fuck are they gonna do to me when 
they figure out that I'm going to lead them 
into a deathtrap?"

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"What the fuck are they gonna do to me when 
they figure out that I- OH SHIT THIS THING'S 
ON-"

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"You will be liberating Erectus from the 
guys who are in Directus."

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"You will be liberating Directus from the 
guys who are in Directus."

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In previous missions, the destruction of 
civilian property came with the belief that 
they were probably in some way beneficial 
to the enemy,

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such as storing ammunition.

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However, in this mission,

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However, in this mission, you just fucking 
bomb your own city.

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However, in this mission, you just fucking 
bomb your own city. There's literally no 
reason to do so.

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How many innocent McDonalds employees do 
you think I just murdered?

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Soon enough, though, the shrapnel faces of 
the townsfolk cry out in liberation, and 
the city is saved.

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For now.

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"hey bro did you see that whoever [unintelligible] 
i love that guy do you think i can has cheeseburger 
after that haha get it"

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"Cipher, I can't put my finger on it but 
I don't feel comfortable about these guys."

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"rawr xd i am so random haha but you cant 
be my friend on clubpenguin.com its only 
for goths like myself"

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So you fight the guys who decide to arrive 
late to the most important battle of the 
war.

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"the plane is too damn high haha get it cluck 
cluck do you know da wae ugandan knuckles"

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"Cipher, what the fuck is this guy saying?"

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"THEY ARE MEMES."

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"THEY ARE FUNNY. MEMES."

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"What the fuck is a meme?"

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"DIE!"

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"No you."

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"I don't even know why I bothered interviewing 
you."

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"You're just cringe, and you make me want 
to kill myself."

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"Have you ever heard of Big Chungus?"

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"He's like a fat Bugs Bunny."

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"Shut the fuck up."

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[Act II]

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[Act II: Belka]

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"Alright gentlemen, we have liberated occupied 
Kuwait,"

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"Alright gentlemen, we have liberated occupied- 
I mean-"

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"Alright gentlemen, we have liberated occupied 
Ustio,"

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"and we are going to be 'inspecting' the 
Belkans for WMDs."

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"You need to break through a gigantic fortress 
called Glatisant that's filled with military 
personnel and arms in order to"

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"You need to break through a gigantic fortress 
called Glatisant that's filled with military 
personnel and arms in order to in-"

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"You need to break through a gigantic fortress 
called Glatisant that's filled with military 
personnel and arms in order to inspect for 
WMDs."

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You proceed with your 'inspection' by mounting 
cameras on top of your missiles.

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And you do this forever.

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And you do this forever. It-

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And you do this forever. It takes fuckin 
forever.

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You kill the entire fortress. By yourself.

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C o o l  i n s p e c t i o n .

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And yet something feels wrong.

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Your allies seem to report mysterious dissapearences 
of friendly planes from the radar.

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But not you, so...

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But not you, so... fuck em.

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"I guarentee you Galm 1, those thirty missing 
aircraft show up eventually. No problem."

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"Go escort friendly marines to an airbase."

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"Go escort friendly marines to an airbase. 
It'll be fine."

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"Go escort friendly marines to an airbase. 
It'll be fine. No issue."

145
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"You know Cipher, this is a beautiful country, 
I think I would kill to be able to visit 
here without a passport,"

146
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"You know Cipher, this is a beautiful country, 
I think I would kill to be able to visit 
here without a passport, or border security,"

147
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"You know Cipher, this is a beautiful country, 
I think I would kill to be able to visit 
here without a passport, or border security, 
or even formal laws."

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"And you know, there's not much difference 
between countries from up here!"

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So you and your buddy go to take out the 
airbase by,

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So you and your buddy go to take out the 
airbase by, what else,

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So you and your buddy go to take out the 
airbase by, what else, destroying all the 
fuckin targets in the base.

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And that's it. The base is secure, and the 
marines are showing up.

153
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And that's it. The base is secure, and the 
marines are showing- okay that's a FUCKING 
LASER.

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"Hey Frank, do you think something happened 
to the plane?"

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Did the Belkans conscript

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Did the Belkans conscript  G O D ! ?

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You spend the rest of the mission dodging 
lasers

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You spend the rest of the mission dodging 
lasers FROM SPACE! HOW?!

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It's going to be difficult to reach this 
new nemesis, as we embark on a long journey 
to eventually defeat this powerful threat.

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"Alright guys we're going to be killing the 
giant laser today!"

161
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"The last fuckin poser got deposed from his 
post because he was trying to lead you into 
a gigantic laser."

162
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"Not me though, I'm trying to lead you to 
the laser in a different way than him."

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"H̢ᴇ̷ʟʟᴏ̨ Gᴀʟ͏ᴍ͘ ᴛᴇ̡ᴀᴍ,͜ I'ʟʟ ̧ʙᴇ ͏ᴊ̀ᴏɪ͘ɴ́ɪɴ͜ɢ 
ʏᴏᴜ̀ ᴛ́ᴏᴅᴀ͜ʏ."

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"Mʏ̶ ̷ɴᴀ͢ᴍ̨ᴇ ɪs͝ ̀PJ, ̵ᴡʜɪᴄʜ sᴛᴀɴᴅs ̵ғᴏ͏ʀ̀ 
̷P̵ᴇᴀɴᴜ͞ᴛ̢ ʙᴜᴛ͏ᴛᴇ͢ʀ̸ ̡J̡ᴀ͞ᴄᴋ̀sᴏ̷ɴ̶ᴠ̷ɪ͞ʟ̸ʟ̸ᴇ̷,͜ 
̧F̛ʟᴏʀ̴ɪᴅ̕ᴀ.̧"

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"I'҉ᴍ҉ ͟ʀ͘ᴇ̢ᴀ̶ʟʟʏ̀ ͢sᴏʀʀʏ́ ̧ᴀ̵ʙ͟ᴏᴜᴛ ᴍ͘ʏ̛ 
̵ᴍɪᴄʀᴏᴘ͘ʜ̸ᴏ͜ɴ͞ᴇ ̧ᴏ͠ᴜ͝ᴀ͟ʟ͢ɪᴛʏ͏ ͠ɢ͠ᴜʏ̸s."

166
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"Yᴏ̵ᴜ ᴋɴᴏᴡ,͘ ͏I̸ ɢ̢ᴏ͟ᴛ̴ ̢ᴀ ͏ɢ͢ɪ̨ʀ̡ʟ҉ғʀ͘ɪ̢ᴇɴᴅ̵ 
͞ʙ͜ᴀᴄᴋ ᴀᴛ͞ ʙᴀ͞s͘ᴇ͝.͝"

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And with that, PJ's death was guarenteed.

168
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You proceed towards the laser, dodging its 
incredibly slow moving attack

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You proceed towards the laser, dodgi ng its 
incredibly slow moving attack (isn't this 
supposed to like move at the speed of light?),

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before quickly outsmarting God.

171
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You fly to the laser, forcing the Belkans 
to activate their RAVE protocol.

172
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[Caramelldansen intensifies]

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Now it's time to poop on their party.

174
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You dive in several times, taking many attempts 
to destroy delicate glass for some reason,

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before finally focusing on the superstructure 
itself.

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Eventually the tower of Excalibur falls, 
and is beautifully made into an Italian cultural 
landmark.

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"Alright, so we're sending you guys to get 
air superiority"

178
00:07:27,430 --> 00:07:28,170
"Alright, so we're sending you guys to get 
air sujb-"

179
00:07:28,180 --> 00:07:30,140
"Alright, so we're sending you guys to get 
air superiority"

180
00:07:30,150 --> 00:07:30,710
"Alright, so we're sending you guys to get 
air superioririb-"

181
00:07:30,720 --> 00:07:31,070
"Alright, so we're sending you guys to get 
air superioririb- F U C K "

182
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"You are going back to B7R."

183
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"At this point, King Arthur's round table 
is getting really fucking crowded and I need 
you to remove some of the guests."

184
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When you arrive, the situation is dire, and 
allied reinforcements are desperately needed.

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You friends become horrified to find that 
Osean high command has only sent in two planes 
as reinforcements...

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You friends become horrified to find that 
Osean high command has only sent in two planes 
as reinforcements... and so are the Belkans.

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A chaotic dogfight ensues, where the best 
of the best on both sides collide.

188
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Little by little, inch by inch, you sieze 
victory from the jaws of defeat,

189
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but in doing so have provoked a beast.

190
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"Whoever installed the microwave inside of 
my jet is a goddamn genius,"

191
00:08:01,290 --> 00:08:03,180
"Whoever installed the microwave inside of 
my jet is a goddamn genius, holy shit look 
at those fucking utensils go!"

192
00:08:03,190 --> 00:08:04,360
"Whoever installed the microwave inside of 
my jet is a goddamn genius, holy shit look 
at those fucking utensils go! They're so 
fucking bright!"

193
00:08:04,370 --> 00:08:07,220
"When we're done with this we're gonna go 
microwave some more forks, it'll be hilarious."

194
00:08:07,230 --> 00:08:08,700
"𝕆𝕙 𝕘𝕠𝕕 𝕥𝕙𝕒𝕥 𝕔𝕒𝕞𝕖𝕣𝕒 𝕙𝕒𝕤 𝕤𝕦𝕔𝕙 𝕒 𝕘𝕠𝕠𝕕 ℤ𝕆𝕆𝕄!"

195
00:08:08,710 --> 00:08:14,430
"Prolonged exposure to the upper atmosphere's 
radiation has opened our eyes to the holy 
sparkiness of the microwave oven,"

196
00:08:14,440 --> 00:08:15,780
"specifically metal inside  of it."

197
00:08:15,790 --> 00:08:17,830
"And you're looking an awful lot like a spoon 
right now."

198
00:08:17,840 --> 00:08:18,310
"I want to"

199
00:08:18,320 --> 00:08:18,630
"I want to dommy"

200
00:08:18,640 --> 00:08:18,970
"I want to dommy mommy"

201
00:08:18,980 --> 00:08:19,340
"I want to dommy mommy milky"

202
00:08:19,350 --> 00:08:19,860
"I want to dommy mommy milky tomboy"

203
00:08:19,870 --> 00:08:20,190
"I want to dommy mommy milky tomboy doomer"

204
00:08:20,200 --> 00:08:20,620
"I want to dommy mommy milky tomboy doomer 
zoomer"

205
00:08:20,630 --> 00:08:20,960
"I want to dommy mommy milky tomboy doomer 
zoomer tradboy"

206
00:08:20,970 --> 00:08:21,520
"I want to dommy mommy milky tomboy doomer 
zoomer tradboy boomer"

207
00:08:21,530 --> 00:08:21,950
"I want to dommy mommy milky tomboy doomer 
zoomer tradboy boomer tradcath"

208
00:08:21,960 --> 00:08:22,530
"I want to dommy mommy milky tomboy doomer 
zoomer tradboy boomer tradcath goth gf"

209
00:08:22,540 --> 00:08:22,990
"Die."

210
00:08:23,420 --> 00:08:24,500
[Chewbacca noise]

211
00:08:24,510 --> 00:08:25,890
"Oh shit how did he rewind time?"

212
00:08:25,900 --> 00:08:27,230
So this fight is one of the harder

213
00:08:27,240 --> 00:08:28,220
So this fight is one of the harder- oh my 
fUCKING GOD-

214
00:08:28,230 --> 00:08:31,130
This fight is one of the hardest, because 
you're fighting eight simultaneous aircraft.

215
00:08:31,140 --> 00:08:35,810
The odds are certainly stacked against you, 
but challenges are meant to be overcome.

216
00:08:35,820 --> 00:08:38,070
𝐍𝐨 𝐦𝐚𝐭𝐭𝐞𝐫 𝐡𝐨𝐰 𝐦𝐚𝐧𝐲 𝐭𝐢𝐦𝐞𝐬 𝐈 𝐡𝐚𝐯𝐞 𝐭𝐨 𝐫𝐞𝐩𝐥𝐚𝐲 
𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐦.

217
00:08:38,080 --> 00:08:41,370
"Guys I think I'm suffering a mechanical 
failure related to the pilot's mental state."

218
00:08:41,380 --> 00:08:42,800
"I'm joining the sparkies now"

219
00:08:42,810 --> 00:08:43,390
"I'm joining the sparkies now WOOOOO"

220
00:08:43,920 --> 00:08:48,980
"My next lead on the trail to finding Cypher 
was a man named Dominic Zubov, leader of 
the former Schwarze squadron."

221
00:08:48,990 --> 00:08:53,520
"Unfortunately I believe the battle had taken 
quite a toll on the man and he was of little 
use to me."

222
00:08:53,530 --> 00:08:55,500
"I'ᴍ ɢᴏɪɴɢ ᴛᴏ ғᴜᴄᴋ ʏᴏᴜʀ ᴅᴀᴅ!"

223
00:08:55,510 --> 00:08:58,670
"Cᴜᴍᴍɪɴɢ ʜɪɢʜ, ɪɴᴛᴏ ᴛʜᴇ ᴍᴏʀɴɪɴɢ sᴋʏ!"

224
00:08:58,680 --> 00:09:00,260
"Fᴜʀʙᴊғᴋᴇʜᴀᴏɪғʜɪᴅᴏᴠʜᴠᴡ"

225
00:09:00,270 --> 00:09:04,260
"We've got a special mission in mind for 
order following gentlemen such as yourselves."

226
00:09:04,270 --> 00:09:07,780
"The industrial city of Hoffnung is vital 
to the enemy's arms production,"

227
00:09:07,790 --> 00:09:10,150
"The industrial city of Hoffnung is vital 
to the enemy's arms production- I don't think 
we're looking for fuckin nukes anymore dawg."

228
00:09:10,160 --> 00:09:10,960
"You're gonna..."

229
00:09:10,970 --> 00:09:12,060
"You're gonna... assist bombers,"

230
00:09:12,070 --> 00:09:14,320
"You're gonna... assist bombers, with their 
strictly tactical targets."

231
00:09:14,330 --> 00:09:17,360
Oh my god what are we doing!? I just wanted 
to end the war!

232
00:09:17,370 --> 00:09:20,520
This mission isn't even a challenge, it's 
just arson with extra steps!

233
00:09:20,600 --> 00:09:22,540
What happened to the fun plane game!?

234
00:09:22,550 --> 00:09:26,250
"Hᴏ͢ᴡ ᴄ͢ᴀ̵ɴ ʏ́ᴏᴜ̴ ᴇ̧xᴘ̡ᴇ͡ᴄᴛ͟ ᴜs ᴛᴏ҉ ́ᴅᴏ ᴛʜɪ̕s!̷? 
Aʀ҉sᴏ͜ɴ ᴀɴᴅ̴ ɪ͡ɴ̛ᴅ̵ɪ͜sᴄ̵ʀ͏ɪ̧ᴍ̴ɪɴᴀ̶ᴛᴇ̨ ʙ͢ᴏ͠ᴍʙ̛ɪ̧ɴɢ 
ɪ͠sɴ̸'ᴛ ᴡ́ᴀ̵ʀ!̀"

235
00:09:26,260 --> 00:09:27,280
"..."

236
00:09:27,290 --> 00:09:27,830
"...Yeah it is."

237
00:09:27,840 --> 00:09:28,460
"Oʜ ҉ᴏᴋᴀʏ"

238
00:09:28,470 --> 00:09:30,090
"Plus your microphone is a fucking war crime."

239
00:09:30,100 --> 00:09:33,980
"Enemy jets scramble hopelessly to try and 
defends their friends and family..."

240
00:09:33,990 --> 00:09:35,250
"Enemy jets scramble hopelessly to try and 
defends their friends and family... and you 
take them out."

241
00:09:35,260 --> 00:09:40,010
"You hear the sounds of screaming and of 
air raid sirens, and just like every other 
target before..."

242
00:09:40,020 --> 00:09:40,870
"You hear the sounds of screaming and of 
air raid sirens, and just like every other 
target before... you take them out."

243
00:09:40,880 --> 00:09:45,730
"You take them all out, burning everything 
until there is only silence."

244
00:09:45,740 --> 00:09:48,160
"Is this worth it?"

245
00:09:48,170 --> 00:09:49,650
"How many points did you get?"

246
00:09:49,660 --> 00:09:51,710
[Act III]

247
00:09:51,720 --> 00:09:53,940
[Act III: Waldreich]

248
00:09:53,950 --> 00:09:56,550
"Ho-okay, let's keep this war going!"

249
00:09:56,560 --> 00:10:01,630
"All we need you to do now, my loyal puppies, 
is to destroy the remaining line of defense 
at Waldreich."

250
00:10:01,640 --> 00:10:03,800
"Yes I did get a german to help be pronounce 
that."

251
00:10:03,810 --> 00:10:06,180
"Y͡ᴏ͢ᴜ͜'͡ʀ͜ᴇ͠ ғ̀ᴀʟʟ͏ɪɴ̀ɢ͠ ͡ʙᴇʜ̡ɪɴᴅ̕ ̀Gᴀ͠ʟᴍ̴ 
̢2͠,̨ ᴅᴏ̴ ͠ʏᴏᴜ ́ʜᴀᴠᴇ ᴀ ᴍ͢ᴇ҉ᴄ͜ʜᴀ̕ɴ̧ɪᴄ́ᴀʟ̨ 
͞ɪ͝ss͡ᴜᴇ͘?͟"

252
00:10:06,190 --> 00:10:07,830
"Nah, I'm just sad."

253
00:10:07,840 --> 00:10:09,610
"Nah, I'm just sad. I've been reading Posadas."

254
00:10:09,620 --> 00:10:10,430
"‧‧‧"

255
00:10:10,440 --> 00:10:11,610
"‧‧‧W͝ʜᴀᴛ ̵ᴛ͝ʜᴇ ͢ғᴜᴄᴋ ɪ́s ᴘ͠ᴏ̨s̶ᴀᴅᴀş?̛"

256
00:10:11,620 --> 00:10:13,090
"I'm going to k i l l y o u P J ."

257
00:10:13,100 --> 00:10:17,840
Suddenly, the mission updates, and the actual 
objective becomes taking out a mysterious 
fleet of bombers heading south.

258
00:10:17,850 --> 00:10:21,650
Their motivation soon becomes clear after 
you remember what you did to Huffnung

259
00:10:21,660 --> 00:10:22,470
Their motivation soon becomes clear after 
you remember what you did to Huffnung (you 
monster),

260
00:10:22,480 --> 00:10:24,270
as one of their planes is armed with a nuke.

261
00:10:24,280 --> 00:10:29,810
Taking this lightly, you decide that the 
appropriate course of action is to disarm 
the nukes with explosives before they can 
reach Ustio.

262
00:10:29,820 --> 00:10:31,310
But alas,

263
00:10:31,320 --> 00:10:33,620
the bombers were not heading for Ustio.

264
00:10:49,010 --> 00:10:51,530
"Ha ̨ha̧ h̵a ha̵ ha͝ ́h͝a.̕.͞.͡"

265
00:10:51,540 --> 00:10:56,120
"I͜ ҉f͠inall̵y̸ ̡f̸oun̴d̴ m͢y rea͜són ͏to̢ 
figh͘t.͏"

266
00:10:56,130 --> 00:10:59,210
"Án͡d ͡it̨ ̛dǫesń'̢t̸ invơlve ͟yo͘u̴ 
́a͘ny͡mo̴re,͡ ̀Ci͡p̨hér̷.́"

267
00:11:05,120 --> 00:11:09,100
The nukes were never intended for Ustio to 
begin with.

268
00:11:09,110 --> 00:11:11,640
And on June 6, 1995,

269
00:11:11,650 --> 00:11:14,360
And on June 6, 1995, Belka bit into the crazy 
hamburger.

270
00:11:25,830 --> 00:11:28,540
♫ But if you close your eyes ♫

271
00:11:28,550 --> 00:11:29,300
♫ Does it almost feel like nothing's changed 
at all? ♫

272
00:11:29,310 --> 00:11:36,980
The Belkans had fairly reasonably created 
a nuclear border through seven detonations, 
able to withstand any kind of conventional 
attack.

273
00:11:37,880 --> 00:11:40,130
An inpenetrable northern border

274
00:11:40,140 --> 00:11:42,470
An inpenetrable northern border to the holy 
land of Belka.

275
00:11:46,330 --> 00:11:49,290
"Wowie! Those nukes sure were insano boingo!"

276
00:11:49,300 --> 00:11:52,420
"Where is Pixy? He better not be defecting 
to zany spanish terrorists."

277
00:11:52,430 --> 00:11:55,420
The next two missions are what I like to 
call 'the PJ missions',

278
00:11:55,430 --> 00:11:57,220
ʙᴇ̢ᴄᴀ͜ᴜsᴇ ̀ʏ̸ᴏ̀ᴜ͡'ʀ́ᴇ́ sᴛᴜᴄᴋ ᴡɪᴛʜ͡ ғᴜ͏ᴄ̵ᴋɪ͜ɴɢ 
͟ᴛʜɪs ɢᴜʏ͡.

279
00:11:57,230 --> 00:11:59,640
But I'm not going to torture you with his 
microphone anymore.

280
00:11:59,650 --> 00:12:02,140
Instead, I will be briefly summarising the 
filler.

281
00:12:02,150 --> 00:12:07,910
The first mission is very simple; it involves 
taking out the Belkan remnant armies who 
refused to accept your hegemony over their 
country.

282
00:12:07,920 --> 00:12:08,640
...

283
00:12:08,650 --> 00:12:09,380
... For...

284
00:12:09,390 --> 00:12:10,900
... For... 30 minutes or so.

285
00:12:10,910 --> 00:12:13,220
Remember that some missions in this game 
are over in 2 minutes.

286
00:12:13,230 --> 00:12:14,580
Speaking of which!

287
00:12:14,590 --> 00:12:16,830
It's time to take out the Belkan remnant 
armies.

288
00:12:16,840 --> 00:12:17,190
It's time to take out the Belkan remnant 
armies. Again.

289
00:12:17,200 --> 00:12:18,340
It's time to take out the Belkan remnant 
armies. Again. I guess there's two of them.

290
00:12:18,350 --> 00:12:19,650
The only problem with that is, uh,

291
00:12:19,660 --> 00:12:21,940
The only problem with that is, uh, just a 
little bit of a peace treaty and ceasefire.

292
00:12:21,950 --> 00:12:23,730
The only problem with that is, uh, just a 
little bit of a peace treaty and ceasefire. 
Makes it a little more fuckin difficult.

293
00:12:23,740 --> 00:12:27,890
Don't worry though, people dying needlessly 
like this is the most lighthearted that we 
will be for the rest of the video.

294
00:12:27,900 --> 00:12:34,470
"Today is a day of hope. A day in which tension 
between different countries will be greatly 
reduced."

295
00:12:34,480 --> 00:12:36,810
𝐈 𝐜𝐚𝐧 𝐣𝐮𝐬𝐭 𝐟𝐞𝐞𝐥 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐭𝐞𝐧𝐬𝐢𝐨𝐧 𝐝𝐢𝐬𝐬𝐢𝐩𝐚𝐭𝐢𝐧𝐠!

296
00:12:36,820 --> 00:12:38,700
"If this explanation appears rushed and random,"

297
00:12:38,710 --> 00:12:39,400
"If this explanation appears rushed and random, 
do not worry,"

298
00:12:39,410 --> 00:12:41,200
"If this explanation appears rushed and random, 
do not worry, the developers of the game 
also rushed it."

299
00:12:41,210 --> 00:12:45,520
"It turns that the Belkan armed forces have 
been hijacked by some kind of shadowy organisation."

300
00:12:45,530 --> 00:12:48,360
"In fact, you probably weren't even fighting 
the Belkan army to begin with."

301
00:12:48,370 --> 00:12:50,580
"They call themselves A World Without Boundaries,"

302
00:12:50,590 --> 00:12:51,910
"They call themselves A World Without Boundaries, 
so I guess they're Catholic priests."

303
00:12:51,920 --> 00:12:53,890
♫ This is, my no-no square! ♫

304
00:12:53,900 --> 00:12:56,500
"Also, they may have bombed a city with a 
giant plane."

305
00:12:56,510 --> 00:12:58,940
"I'm talking like those fuckers put wings 
on a house."

306
00:12:58,950 --> 00:13:00,920
"Is anyone else experiencing a bombing right 
now?"

307
00:13:06,100 --> 00:13:11,070
"Yo dawg can you fuckin believe that they 
left their keys on the counter? I took that 
shit right off. Free bomber!"

308
00:13:11,080 --> 00:13:12,720
"Wait why am I hearing spanish guitars?"

309
00:13:12,730 --> 00:13:17,240
"Espada 1, this is Espada 2. Consider this 
a gift from Espada me to Espada you."

310
00:13:17,250 --> 00:13:19,440
"I speak in limmerick to the enemies I slay."

311
00:13:19,450 --> 00:13:21,740
"I wish to destroy borders, now get out of 
the way."

312
00:13:21,750 --> 00:13:23,530
"Death you shall have, and quickly too."

313
00:13:23,540 --> 00:13:25,410
"Here I present a missile for you."

314
00:13:25,420 --> 00:13:25,960
"Here I present a missile for you- wait."

315
00:13:28,100 --> 00:13:30,080
"Oh shit he killed the rhyming guy, what 
the fuck?"

316
00:13:30,090 --> 00:13:32,010
"I better not die in four missiles that's 
be bad."

317
00:13:32,900 --> 00:13:36,030
You take out Espada squadron within under 
30 seconds of gameplay.

318
00:13:36,040 --> 00:13:39,240
Quickly, you turn your attention to the massive 
craft in a one on one battle.

319
00:13:39,250 --> 00:13:40,890
PJ doesn't exist right now.

320
00:13:40,900 --> 00:13:43,440
You take out the engines using only your 
mechanical skill

321
00:13:43,450 --> 00:13:45,000
You take out the engines using only your 
mechanical skill (and six simultaneous missiles 
launches).

322
00:13:45,010 --> 00:13:49,610
With all of its outer faculties disabled, 
the only target remaining is the cockpit 
full of innocent terrorists.

323
00:13:49,620 --> 00:13:50,650
And then it dies.

324
00:13:50,660 --> 00:13:52,200
It was around for one (1) mission.

325
00:13:52,530 --> 00:13:57,600
"Getting closer, I soon turned to the former 
terrorist, Marcela Vasquez, former pilot 
of Espada 2."

326
00:13:57,610 --> 00:14:00,270
"What I received, however, was better than 
any interview."

327
00:14:00,280 --> 00:14:03,540
"Hi, my name is Espada 2, and I am your freestyle 
dance instructor!"

328
00:14:03,550 --> 00:14:06,680
[vibing]

329
00:14:06,690 --> 00:14:08,530
[Act IV]

330
00:14:08,540 --> 00:14:10,960
[Act IV: Avalon]

331
00:14:10,970 --> 00:14:13,240
"I guess you could say that bombing costs 
me an arm and a leg!"

332
00:14:13,250 --> 00:14:13,710
"I guess you could say that bombing costs 
me an arm and a leg- help me-"

333
00:14:13,720 --> 00:14:15,090
"A World Without Boundaries seeks to finally 
destroy all division between mankind."

334
00:14:15,100 --> 00:14:17,970
♫ The monkey in my bathroom ♫

335
00:14:17,980 --> 00:14:20,360
"They have obtained a gigantic cluster nuclear 
bomb."

336
00:14:20,370 --> 00:14:21,730
"They have obtained a gigantic cluster nuclear 
bomb. I'm taking eight nukes at once."

337
00:14:21,740 --> 00:14:22,830
"They have obtained a gigantic cluster nuclear 
bomb. I'm taking eight nukes at once. How- 
how did they get that?"

338
00:14:22,840 --> 00:14:28,480
"You're gonna have to fly in long distance 
to the Avalon dam in order to stop us from 
making a premature return to monke status."

339
00:14:28,490 --> 00:14:31,380
Unfortunately this means you have to progress 
through airspace B7R again.

340
00:14:31,390 --> 00:14:34,400
King Arthur's at his round table so much 
he's developing fuckin diabetes.

341
00:14:34,410 --> 00:14:37,940
I wonder what kind of crazy zany personalities 
we'll be fighting today!

342
00:14:37,950 --> 00:14:42,950
"I am detecting a globetard on the radar 
gentlemen, we must dispose of this sheeple 
NASA fuck!"

343
00:14:42,960 --> 00:14:46,310
"Our flat earth community has members from 
all across the globe!"

344
00:14:46,320 --> 00:14:46,920
"Our flat earth community has members from 
all across the globe- wait a second-"

345
00:14:46,930 --> 00:14:49,690
"The edge is out there! We simply have to 
fly towards it!"

346
00:14:49,700 --> 00:14:52,320
"Can you even see the curvature of the earth 
from up here!?"

347
00:14:52,330 --> 00:14:56,590
"Once you begin to believe in the flat earth 
it's like your own little world:"

348
00:14:56,600 --> 00:14:59,060
"Once you begin to believe in the flat earth 
it's like your own little world: A World 
Without Boundaries!"

349
00:14:59,070 --> 00:15:02,810
"And there is only one way to ensure NASA 
is destroyed!"

350
00:15:02,820 --> 00:15:06,940
This is the Schwarze battle on steroids. 
Everything about it is pure glee and insanity.

351
00:15:06,950 --> 00:15:11,560
You battle the enemy craft for what seems 
like hours, trading blows but never able 
to pin each other down.

352
00:15:11,570 --> 00:15:14,390
That is, until PJ gets a bright idea.

353
00:15:14,400 --> 00:15:15,410
That is, until PJ gets a bright idea. F o 
r  o n c e .

354
00:15:15,420 --> 00:15:18,520
"H̨ᴇ̸ʏ̡ ͢ʙʀᴏ̴, s͘ᴏ̢ ᴡ͢ʜ̶ʏ̸ ̕ᴅᴏ͏ᴇ͘s͠ ᴛ̸ʜᴇ 
sᴜ̧ɴ ᴅ͟ɪ҉śsᴀ͡ᴘᴇ͡ᴀʀ ʙᴇʟᴏ̛ᴡ ᴛʜᴇ͢ ͡ʜᴏ̵ʀ͝ɪ̧ᴢ͠ᴏɴ̡ 
͠ɪ͞ғ ̡ᴛ͠ʜ͠ᴇ ᴇ̷ᴀ̡ʀᴛ҉ʜ̶ ̴ɪs ҉ғʟᴀ̧ᴛ?͢"

355
00:15:18,530 --> 00:15:20,170
"Well you see, that is the result of a diafragmental"

356
00:15:20,180 --> 00:15:20,370
"Well you see, that is the result of a diafradiafd"

357
00:15:20,380 --> 00:15:20,550
"Well you see, that is the result of a ddfradifragd"

358
00:15:20,560 --> 00:15:22,250
"Well you see, that is the result of a ddfudjsjawdoja"

359
00:15:22,260 --> 00:15:23,470
[:(]

360
00:15:24,250 --> 00:15:28,910
"In my search went to go interview the former 
Gault 1, Anton Kupchenko."

361
00:15:28,920 --> 00:15:29,980
"But it thrns out he's dead."

362
00:15:29,990 --> 00:15:30,920
"But it thrns out he's dead. That's the cemetery."

363
00:15:30,930 --> 00:15:32,690
"But I noticed something peculiar."

364
00:15:32,700 --> 00:15:34,610
"But I noticed something peculiar. On his 
gravestone read the words:"

365
00:15:34,620 --> 00:15:36,490
"If you're reading this, the earth is flat."

366
00:15:36,500 --> 00:15:39,660
It's finally time to enter Avalon dam and 
stop the missile.

367
00:15:39,670 --> 00:15:40,860
You do it like this.

368
00:15:40,870 --> 00:15:43,900
𝕒𝔸𝕒𝔸𝕒𝔸𝕒𝔸𝕒𝔸𝕒𝔸𝕒𝔸𝕒𝔸𝕒𝔸𝕒𝔸𝕒𝔸𝕒

369
00:15:43,910 --> 00:15:44,650
wE mAdE iT!

370
00:15:44,660 --> 00:15:46,640
And then you crash, so you have to do it 
again.

371
00:15:46,650 --> 00:15:48,250
𝕒𝔸𝕒𝔸𝕒𝔸𝕒𝔸𝕒𝔸𝕒𝔸𝕒𝔸𝕒𝔸𝕒𝔸𝕒𝔸𝕒𝔸𝕒

372
00:15:48,260 --> 00:15:52,570
You enter the inner sanctum of the dam, destroying 
the joints that protect the launcher's weak 
spots.

373
00:15:52,580 --> 00:15:55,790
Then you go back in under a time limit to 
destroy the other weak spots.

374
00:15:55,800 --> 00:15:56,710
Then you go back in under a time limit to 
destroy the other weak spots. I'm not nervous!

375
00:15:56,720 --> 00:16:01,710
And with the death of the final control module, 
the launch system is destroyed and the world 
is saved.

376
00:16:01,720 --> 00:16:05,210
"W͜ᴇ̸ ͘ᴅɪ̴ᴅ̀ ̀ɪ͟ᴛ! ͝I̵ ᴛ̶ʜɪ̧ɴᴋ̨ ͟ɪ̢ᴛ͢'s ̶ʜ̀ɪɢʜ͜ 
ᴛɪᴍ͜ᴇ ᴛʜᴀ͞ᴛ̶ I ̡ᴍᴀ̷ʀʀ͠ɪᴇᴅ̨ ͠ᴍʏ ɢ̷ɪʀʟ͠ғʀ͠ɪᴇ̵ɴᴅ 
̶ʙ̶ᴀ̸ᴄ͡ᴋ͝ ᴀ͢ᴛ ʙᴀsᴇ͡."

377
00:16:05,220 --> 00:16:06,640
"I̢ ̸ᴇ̛ᴠ͢ᴇ̶ɴ̸ ͢ʙᴏ̸ᴜ̵ɢ̧ʜᴛ ͏ʜ͝ᴇ҉ʀ͜ ̷ғ̸ʟᴏ̷ᴡᴇʀ̸s!̧"

378
00:16:06,650 --> 00:16:08,760
And with that, PJ's death was fufilled.

379
00:16:16,860 --> 00:16:18,250
"So, tell me."

380
00:16:20,340 --> 00:16:22,300
"Have you found a reason to fight yet?"

381
00:16:23,080 --> 00:16:23,720
"Buddy?"

382
00:16:25,760 --> 00:16:29,450
"I knew that we were destined to meet here, 
Cipher. Ever since the beginning."

383
00:16:29,460 --> 00:16:30,950
"Think about Hoffnung, Cipher!"

384
00:16:30,960 --> 00:16:32,100
"It's all because of borders"

385
00:16:32,110 --> 00:16:35,180
"It's all because of borders and police officers 
telling me that I can't eat the drywall at 
Home Depot!"

386
00:16:35,190 --> 00:16:37,150
"Can you see any borders from up here?"

387
00:16:37,200 --> 00:16:38,620
"Can you see any borders from up here? What 
has borders given us?"

388
00:16:38,630 --> 00:16:39,230
"Can you see any borders from up here? What 
has borders given us? Books?"

389
00:16:39,240 --> 00:16:43,580
"No... I'll just have to destroy them all. 
Reset everything to zero."

390
00:16:43,590 --> 00:16:45,150
"No... I'll just have to destroy them all. 
Reset everything to zero. That's what V2 
is for!"

391
00:16:45,160 --> 00:16:47,360
"You'll have to kill me to stop this launch."

392
00:16:47,370 --> 00:16:49,990
"How many nukes do you think I can fit on 
a single aircraft?"

393
00:16:50,000 --> 00:16:51,770
"How many nukes do you think I can fit on 
a single aircraft? EAT MY SQUARE EXPLOSIONS!"

394
00:16:51,780 --> 00:16:53,010
"HOW MANY CAN YOU DODGE!?"

395
00:16:53,020 --> 00:16:53,530
"HOW MANY CAN YOU DODGE!? SEVEN!?"

396
00:16:53,540 --> 00:16:54,180
"HOW MANY CAN YOU DODGE!? SEVEN!? Probably 
seven."

397
00:16:54,190 --> 00:16:56,340
"I HAVE THE POWER OF GOD, CYPHER!"

398
00:16:56,350 --> 00:16:57,960
"This is only the beginning."

399
00:16:57,970 --> 00:16:58,960
"LAUNCH THE BIG FUCK!"

400
00:16:58,970 --> 00:17:02,900
♫ Cum historia ♫

401
00:17:02,910 --> 00:17:04,240
♫ mutat valde ♫

402
00:17:04,240 --> 00:17:10,050
♫ Razgriz revelat ipsum: ♫

403
00:17:10,060 --> 00:17:13,400
♫ Primum daemon scelestus est! ♫

404
00:17:13,410 --> 00:17:15,080
"It's time."

405
00:17:15,090 --> 00:17:17,250
"You'll have to joust me like a knight to 
kill me."

406
00:17:17,260 --> 00:17:18,410
"You'll have to joust me like a knight to 
kill me. From the front!"

407
00:17:18,420 --> 00:17:20,430
"I loved you like a brother."

408
00:17:20,440 --> 00:17:23,670
"You're the only one who can kill me, Cipher. 
The only one!"

409
00:17:23,680 --> 00:17:24,930
"One last time!"

410
00:17:39,020 --> 00:17:41,560
"Attention all passengers, I'd like to welcome 
you all to Northern Belka."

411
00:17:41,570 --> 00:17:43,220
"Attention all passengers, I'd like to welcome 
you all to Northern Belka- is that a fuckin 
nuke outside-"

412
00:17:48,030 --> 00:17:51,010
"Unfortunately I was unable to find Cypher 
under threat of death."

413
00:17:51,020 --> 00:17:53,370
"In fact, I'm pretty sure that my firstborn 
son is now dead."

414
00:17:53,400 --> 00:18:00,590
"But along the way I learned many lessons 
and... I think that they're worth passing 
on. And I think that they're worth learning 
for the next life."

415
00:18:00,600 --> 00:18:01,990
"What about you?"

416
00:18:02,000 --> 00:18:04,120
"Did you learn anything, Pixy?"

417
00:18:04,130 --> 00:18:05,210
"..."

418
00:18:05,220 --> 00:18:05,570
"...No."

419
00:18:05,580 --> 00:18:06,910
"Can I please see my children before I die?"

420
00:18:06,920 --> 00:18:07,530
"No."