1
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(Various Mario and Luigi whooping noises)

2
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(In Mario's voice) And you know, sometimes 
Bowser is not such a bad guy

3
00:00:12,100 --> 00:00:14,600
(In Luigi's voice) No no no,  Bowser is a 
cunt

4
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But sometimes-

5
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Bowser is a stupid cunt

6
00:00:16,900 --> 00:00:18,500
What are you thinking Mario?

7
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Are you stupid?

8
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Sometimes, Bowser just wanted a little bit 
of pussy, you know? And it's okay with me

9
00:00:24,900 --> 00:00:28,800
You know, it's just a sexual thing. It's 
not an emotional thing, it's okay

10
00:00:29,600 --> 00:00:32,800
He just wanted a little bit of pussy. It's 
not a big deal

11
00:00:32,900 --> 00:00:35,400
(Normal voice) It's not a big fucking deal

12
00:00:35,500 --> 00:00:38,000
(Normal voice) Yeah no, I feel you dude. 
I feel you. (George) Jeez

13
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That looks very nice. (Ian) You know the 
thing I like about mushrooms Mario? (George) 
What do you like about mushrooms Luigi?

14
00:00:44,800 --> 00:00:52,000
They smell like Daisy pussy. (George) Oh! 
Is Daisy pussy out for you?

15
00:00:52,100 --> 00:00:58,200
(Ian chuckles weakly) Not so much these days 
but since I have the mushrooms, (oh!) not 
so bad

16
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She gonna trip real good, huh?

17
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That's right, Mario

18
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(Various whooping sounds)

19
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(Cries out)

20
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Mario, you dropped one! Brother, come back! 
Brother, my bag is full, pick up your mushroom

21
00:01:15,500 --> 00:01:25,300
Mario, what's wrong? (Sad music plays as 
George sobs) Mario...

22
00:01:25,900 --> 00:01:33,500
(Screaming) Why? (Sobbing as Max laughs behind 
the camera)

23
00:01:33,600 --> 00:01:39,800
Things will never be the same again. (Ian) 
The mushroom is right here, Mario! (George 
sobbing) You have not lost anything!

24
00:01:39,900 --> 00:01:45,500
He's trying to (unintelligible)! (Ian) Look 
at all the mushrooms we have Mario, you cannot 
be so sad!

25
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It's terminal 5! (Ian) Yes, we are in zone 
5, Mario. (George) No, it's- (George and 
Max burst into laughter)

26
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Eat up Mario, eat up. You have not eaten 
at all today

27
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I cannot keep escaping reality with these 
drugs! I went to rehab twice!

28
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Oh Mario! Look at that! It is a question 
block! Look at it!

29
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I have a question for God... (screaming) 
Why?

30
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(George sobbing and question block sound 
effects) God! God, just take me!

31
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Mario, I got the block! There's probably 
something really good inside! (George continues 
to sob and wail)

32
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Come on Mario, it's for you. Mario, don't 
be such a pessimist. There could be something 
really nice in there and you have no idea 
because you no open!

33
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Oh God (Groans and pants)

34
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(Screaming and Mario game over sound effect)

35
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Oh hey! That's pretty good Mario, you got 
another mushroom

36
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There is only pain! (x2) (Ian) Come on, Mario, 
don't be so sad! There is so much to live 
for!

37
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(Cheery music as George blubbers) Mario, 
we have so much to do! (Screaming) Why?

38
00:03:27,800 --> 00:03:32,800
Come on Mario, let's go the castle, have 
a little fun

39
00:03:32,900 --> 00:03:46,800
(Cheery music)

40
00:03:49,600 --> 00:04:01,800
(Upbeat drums)

41
00:04:01,900 --> 00:04:06,200
Yeah? I go bananas for that pussy

42
00:04:24,500 --> 00:04:35,000
Yeah. Yeah, Goldie! Goldie? Got Goldie? Yeah, 
I got her

43
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You want her? Meet me at the old hill on 
5. Yeah

44
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What's that? Donkey Kong? Donkey Kong has 
stolen Princess Peach! (George exclaims) 
We have to go! (George) Ok!

45
00:05:00,600 --> 00:05:06,000
(Cheery music)

46
00:05:06,100 --> 00:05:15,400
(Max grunting) Fuck... Mario! (Laughs) I 
fucking see him

47
00:05:15,500 --> 00:05:22,200
(Donkey Kong monkey noises) Come on, Donkey 
Kong, give us all you have, little man!

48
00:05:22,300 --> 00:05:25,500
(Boss music and monkey noises)

49
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(Hopping sound effects)

50
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(Celebratory Donkey Kong music)

51
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(Monkey noises)

52
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Yeah, fuck off, you filthy plumbers. Peach's 
pussy's mine

53
00:06:23,200 --> 00:06:32,500
(Ian groans and Mario exclaims) I think I 
fractured it, Mario!

54
00:06:33,400 --> 00:06:43,700
(Choking sounds) Mario! (x3) Please don't 
Mario! Please! (x2)

55
00:06:43,800 --> 00:06:46,000
(Sobbing) Say hello to Mom!

56
00:06:52,800 --> 00:06:54,700
You killed Luigi!

57
00:07:03,200 --> 00:07:11,400
(Both screaming) No! Mario, this is not a 
good idea! Let's go!

58
00:07:19,400 --> 00:07:23,200
Mario! We got to go, come on!

59
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(Both clamoring)

60
00:07:34,100 --> 00:07:38,900
I got you now, faggots. (Banana throwing 
sound effects)

61
00:07:40,400 --> 00:07:49,600
Oh Luigi, I think this is the end! (Ian) 
I think you are right Mario! It is-

62
00:07:49,700 --> 00:07:55,300
Wait, Mario! Mario, it's a fire flower!

63
00:07:55,400 --> 00:08:00,200
(Power up music)

64
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I have the power! Take this, you big monkey!

65
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(Chad screaming)

66
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(Ian) Go in the water

67
00:08:13,600 --> 00:08:20,600
(Triumphant music and Chad crying out)

68
00:08:20,700 --> 00:08:25,900
(Chad) That really fucking lit up! No, don't 
fucking throw it at me, cunt

69
00:08:26,000 --> 00:08:31,200
That burnt me. It fucking burnt me, cunt. 
I'm never filming with you ever again, that's 
the last

70
00:08:31,300 --> 00:08:33,800
Come on, Mario, let's go get the princess

71
00:08:33,900 --> 00:09:30,000
(Somber outro music)