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Richard Lewis: Hi, I'm Richard Lewis, and 
welcome to United Artists Theatres' wonderful 
world of film entertainment.

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00:00:09,500 --> 00:00:11,100
Don Rickles: One senior, one child.

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00:00:11,400 --> 00:00:12,600
Richard Lewis: Hey, don't... Cut it out, 
huh?

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00:00:12,700 --> 00:00:20,100
Look even though Don Rickles plays my father 
on TV, when that actually related, thank 
God. And I'm not a child, huh?

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00:00:20,200 --> 00:00:23,000
Don Rickles: Don't be a moron, I got you 
in for a half-price, didn't I?

6
00:00:23,100 --> 00:00:27,900
Richard Lewis: *sighs* We're at the movies 
to give you a few tips on how to make a theater-going 
experience to a happy one.

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00:00:28,000 --> 00:00:30,500
Don Rickles: Rule 1: Go alone.

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00:00:30,600 --> 00:00:34,600
Richard Lewis: Oh, what a kidder, always 
with the jokes. Move it, “wolfman”.

9
00:00:34,700 --> 00:00:39,300
Oh, and listen why are you here when I stopped 
by your concession stand for your favorite 
snacks.

10
00:00:42,600 --> 00:00:46,600
You know, once inside the theater, please 
find your seat quickly and courteously.

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00:00:47,700 --> 00:00:50,200
Don Rickles: Of those your feet are did you 
just escape from the circus!

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00:00:51,300 --> 00:00:54,500
Move it, will ya? My popcorn box is going 
out of style!

13
00:01:00,000 --> 00:01:06,700
Richard Lewis: You know, everybody knows 
there's no smoking in the theater, but believe 
it or not, some people still think it's okay 
to talk during the movie! I hate this!

14
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—Don Rickles: I'm saying this one! —*Two 
men shush*

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Don Rickles: This is where he finds out his 
girlfriend is really an alien!

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Richard Lewis: Aw, jeez...

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—Anonymous: Why don't you pipe down? —Don 
Rickles: Why don't you go back to your old 
job, dance with the organ-grinder?

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00:01:20,300 --> 00:01:23,800
Richard Lewis: He's not really my daddy, 
he just played my dad on a new show, this 
fall doesn't...

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00:01:26,200 --> 00:01:28,900
Aw...jeez...aw...

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And another thing, help keep the theater 
clean by putting a trash in the proper receptable.

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Oh, it's cold...

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Just follow these simple guidelines and we 
can all have fun. But remember, you know, 
someone's disturbing the theater, simply 
notify the manager and they'll take care 
of it for you.

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Don Rickles: Hey! I-I didn't do anything! 
I'm warning you! I know some of trap!

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Hey! Where... where's my popcorn?!

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Richard Lewis: I think now we're ready to 
enjoy the movie.

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Subtitles created by Santiago Reveco Lepe