1
00:00:22,900 --> 00:00:24,900
Nikse

2
00:00:26,100 --> 00:00:27,500
Nikisia

3
00:00:28,000 --> 00:00:30,100
Time to finish your shitting

4
00:00:30,200 --> 00:00:31,600
I need to piss

5
00:00:31,700 --> 00:00:34,200
Nikse

6
00:00:43,100 --> 00:00:45,300
Nikisia?

7
00:00:46,500 --> 00:00:49,800
Oh shit

8
00:00:52,100 --> 00:00:54,300
Ladies, I think Nikse lowkey died on us

9
00:00:54,400 --> 00:00:56,200
Say whaaaaat

10
00:01:10,200 --> 00:01:11,900
Can I touch her?

11
00:01:12,100 --> 00:01:14,400
NO, do not disturb the crime scene

12
00:01:14,500 --> 00:01:17,600
We should at least check her pulse

13
00:01:17,700 --> 00:01:21,800
You fucking imbecile, you'll leave fingerprints

14
00:01:21,900 --> 00:01:23,600
...call the police?

15
00:01:23,700 --> 00:01:27,900
NO, because they'll disturb the crime scene

16
00:01:47,100 --> 00:01:48,700
Why so oiled up?

17
00:02:01,600 --> 00:02:04,100
Okay but it wasn't me, I  had sperm cramps 
the whole night

18
00:02:06,200 --> 00:02:08,700
Okay but why are you assuming this wasn't 
an accident?

19
00:02:08,800 --> 00:02:12,300
You reckon Nikse is nimble enough to oil 
herself up like that?

20
00:02:12,400 --> 00:02:14,700
What if someone just made it look like an 
accident?

21
00:02:16,600 --> 00:02:17,800
This cannot be

22
00:02:17,900 --> 00:02:19,900
Ladies, something's fishy

23
00:02:39,900 --> 00:02:44,100
[distant noises of french people arguing]

24
00:02:44,200 --> 00:02:47,100
Hm, maybe they saw what happened

25
00:03:06,500 --> 00:03:08,700
Hey, I have an unusual question

26
00:03:08,800 --> 00:03:12,900
Have you perchance seen anything through 
your bathroom window?

27
00:03:17,500 --> 00:03:20,900
[Lusi speaks french so advanced not even 
the translator knows what she could've said 
here]

28
00:03:39,800 --> 00:03:42,700
Alright, maybe I should go then

29
00:03:48,200 --> 00:03:54,200
Can you tell me what you were doing during 
the night between May 31st and June 1st?

30
00:03:54,300 --> 00:03:55,900
Uhh

31
00:03:56,000 --> 00:03:57,600
Who's Nikse to me?

32
00:03:57,700 --> 00:03:58,400
Nikse...

33
00:03:58,500 --> 00:04:04,000
is first and foremost a friend, a sister 
that I've never had, a comforting presence 
and a savior...

34
00:04:04,100 --> 00:04:10,600
...a warm word on a cold day, a helpful hand 
when life gets tough...

35
00:04:10,700 --> 00:04:11,400
Nikse would give away-

36
00:04:11,600 --> 00:04:12,000
Dasia

37
00:04:12,100 --> 00:04:15,900
Everyone knows that you're the only person 
in this house who abuses cooking oil

38
00:04:16,000 --> 00:04:18,000
Nigga, what are you talking about

39
00:04:18,600 --> 00:04:21,500
I've left oil in the past, bros before oil

40
00:04:23,400 --> 00:04:25,900
Nikse was conducting my ATDO therapy

41
00:04:26,000 --> 00:04:27,900
(Addicted To Drinking Oil)

42
00:04:28,000 --> 00:04:30,600
She was my last hope

43
00:04:30,700 --> 00:04:31,500
This wasn't me

44
00:04:31,600 --> 00:04:36,400
Dasia that is so beautiful, I believe everything 
you've said

45
00:04:38,600 --> 00:04:40,500
Who's Nikse to me?

46
00:04:40,600 --> 00:04:44,000
Nikse is first and foremost a friend, a sister 
that I've never-

47
00:04:44,100 --> 00:04:46,800
Whoa whoa, hold your horses

48
00:04:46,900 --> 00:04:51,500
Where were you during the night between May 
31st and June 1st?

49
00:04:51,600 --> 00:04:57,900
I was sleeping, I woke up, I went to piss 
and I found Nikse all oiled up in the bathroom

50
00:04:59,300 --> 00:05:02,000
So you were the first person to find her?

51
00:05:02,100 --> 00:05:03,400
Yeeees

52
00:05:03,800 --> 00:05:07,500
And... you were also the last person to see 
her?

53
00:05:07,600 --> 00:05:09,200
Yeeees

54
00:05:09,300 --> 00:05:11,100
But you weren't the one to oil her up?

55
00:05:11,200 --> 00:05:12,900
No

56
00:05:28,700 --> 00:05:29,800
Ladies,

57
00:05:30,300 --> 00:05:33,200
I figured it out

58
00:05:33,900 --> 00:05:38,200
Punctured bottle of cooking oil, two pairs 
of footprints on the floor...

59
00:05:38,900 --> 00:05:40,800
and most important of all...

60
00:05:41,100 --> 00:05:43,100
Monkey Vape

61
00:05:44,100 --> 00:05:46,400
You see, the Moon has risen in the sky...

62
00:05:46,500 --> 00:05:49,900
when Morty felt a need to satisfy her little 
hunger...

63
00:05:50,000 --> 00:05:54,700
...with something that perfectly fits her 
autistic anti-flavor tastes:

64
00:05:54,800 --> 00:05:56,000
Mozarella

65
00:05:56,100 --> 00:05:58,600
But what did she find when she went to the 
kitchen?

66
00:05:58,700 --> 00:05:59,600
Nikse

67
00:05:59,700 --> 00:06:04,500
Who in her dairy cravings was half-way in 
an act of devouring said mozarella

68
00:06:04,600 --> 00:06:07,300
She didn't even have enough time to close 
the fridge

69
00:06:08,000 --> 00:06:11,600
You can imagine how devastating this was 
for Morty

70
00:06:11,700 --> 00:06:15,400
So right when Nikse felt the approaching 
consequences of the actions

71
00:06:15,500 --> 00:06:19,500
Morty decided to exact her own justice against 
her

72
00:06:19,800 --> 00:06:20,700
Not a moment has passed

73
00:06:20,800 --> 00:06:23,000
before she barged in with a bottle of oil 
in her hand

74
00:06:23,100 --> 00:06:25,600
coming upon defenseless Nikisia

75
00:06:26,600 --> 00:06:28,000
Morty poured oil allover her

76
00:06:28,100 --> 00:06:30,500
and in a manifest of her brutality

77
00:06:30,600 --> 00:06:34,400
she reached for a lighter so as to set the 
poor victim aflame...

78
00:06:34,500 --> 00:06:35,500
...just to realize

79
00:06:35,600 --> 00:06:39,400
that she only smokes Monkey Vapes!

80
00:06:39,500 --> 00:06:42,200
Morty in that moment wanted to just give 
up

81
00:06:42,300 --> 00:06:43,900
but nature took the reins

82
00:06:44,000 --> 00:06:47,500
and Nikisia in her lack of coordination

83
00:06:47,600 --> 00:06:48,400
pulled off the most elaborate fucken flip 
imaginable

84
00:06:48,500 --> 00:06:51,500
that even a clown in a circus would be ashamed 
of

85
00:06:53,100 --> 00:06:53,600
Dear ladies

86
00:06:53,700 --> 00:06:56,800
As they say, who sniffed it out, also let 
it out

87
00:06:56,900 --> 00:07:00,800
So what do you have in your defence,

88
00:07:00,900 --> 00:07:02,400
Morty

89
00:07:06,100 --> 00:07:10,000
Damn, it's almost like those detective noir 
movies

90
00:07:11,000 --> 00:07:14,100
Did you guys know what "noir" is a french 
word?

91
00:07:14,200 --> 00:07:17,000
Where the fuck did you come from?

92
00:07:17,100 --> 00:07:18,500
Oui oui je suis baguette bonsoir merci beaucoup

93
00:07:20,800 --> 00:07:23,400
Morty, what do you have in your defence

94
00:07:25,100 --> 00:07:27,700
Yeah, it was me

95
00:07:29,000 --> 00:07:31,400
I'm calling the police

96
00:07:32,200 --> 00:07:33,200
You fucking imbeciles

97
00:07:33,300 --> 00:07:35,100
You're no fucking detectives

98
00:07:35,200 --> 00:07:37,300
If only Morty was this sly

99
00:07:37,400 --> 00:07:39,800
Okay shut your mouth, I don't have all day

100
00:07:40,100 --> 00:07:41,500
It was like this:

101
00:07:42,100 --> 00:07:44,300
I was helping Dasia get off her addiction

102
00:07:44,700 --> 00:07:47,500
everything was going smooth

103
00:07:49,200 --> 00:07:53,900
until the day I've noticed that her face 
was just a bit too shiny

104
00:07:54,600 --> 00:07:58,900
From that point forward I started suspecting 
that Dasia was hitting that oil again, in 
secret

105
00:07:59,000 --> 00:08:00,900
I thought, "this cannot fucking be"

106
00:08:01,000 --> 00:08:02,500
so I came up with a genius plan

107
00:08:02,600 --> 00:08:08,400
What if I drilled a hole in the side of the 
oil container and let the stains lead me 
to the culprit?

108
00:08:08,500 --> 00:08:09,800
Literally that same evening I check the kitchen

109
00:08:10,600 --> 00:08:12,000
It's gone

110
00:08:14,200 --> 00:08:16,800
I'm like: 'This can't be that easy', but 
it was

111
00:08:16,900 --> 00:08:22,200
Just like all roads lead to Rome, all stains 
led to the toilet

112
00:08:22,300 --> 00:08:26,200
But I didn't want to scare the shitter, so 
I lurked around the corner to see who would 
come out

113
00:08:26,300 --> 00:08:29,100
I forgot that when Dasia drinks too much, 
her internal compass flips in her brain

114
00:08:29,200 --> 00:08:31,800
and instead of walking like a normal human 
she just fucking walks backwards everywhere

115
00:08:32,600 --> 00:08:33,800
but yeah, I needed to have solid proof

116
00:08:33,900 --> 00:08:35,400
I storm into the bathroom

117
00:08:35,500 --> 00:08:37,400
everything that eye can touch is oiled up

118
00:08:37,500 --> 00:08:39,000
As I bend down to pick up that empty bottle

119
00:08:39,100 --> 00:08:41,200
I did a fucking backflip and bam

120
00:08:43,000 --> 00:08:45,400
I went to sleep with the fishies

121
00:08:53,300 --> 00:08:57,300
Alright, but if it wasn't you why did you 
admit to it

122
00:08:59,200 --> 00:09:03,000
I thought it's cool to be a murderer

123
00:09:26,000 --> 00:09:29,900
Die Pinokio, you stinky pedophile

124
00:09:49,500 --> 00:09:51,500
We wish you everything fucked on your 14th 
birthday

125
00:09:51,600 --> 00:09:54,200
we love you :)