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JESSE: Did you guys not record the 100K video 
on StoryFire?

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BRIDGETTE: He doesn't want to do it.

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JESSE: What do you mean "He doesn't want 
to do it"?

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BRIDGETTE: He's scared!

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JESSE: Yo! Mike!

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Hello there, sir.

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MICHAEL: Hi?

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JESSE: You are, uh, contractually obligated 
to, uh, do a 'diaper video' on StoryFire.

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You know that, right?

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MICHAEL: What? Why are you filming this?

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JESSE: I'm checking your-

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BRIDGETTE: Because I agree.

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MICHAEL: I tol- I told you-

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JESSE: Mike, I'm checking your account right 
now.

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Last thing you did was eat vomit. That's 
not what we agreed upon.

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[laughter]

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You can't all of a sudden just swap gross 
things out for other gross things.

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Diaper, 100K! That was the rules!

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MICHAEL: Let me see- Let me see my StoryFire.

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JESSE: You wanna s- there's no diaper, bro!

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MICHAEL: Now, hold on.

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JESSE: There's no- What?

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MICHAEL: What is...

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this video?

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JESSE: That's your standard clickbait!

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Standard KidBehindAClip- Clickbait?

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KidBehindAClickbait.

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MICHAEL: OK...

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JESSE: ClickbaitBehindACamera?

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That's you, dude.

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You didn't wear a diaper. You just stretched 
a diaper and made it seem like you wore a 
diaper.

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If I don't see you wearing a freaking diap-

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Bro! Times Square!

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MICHAEL: We're g-

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JESSE: We're going. [gasp]

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JESSE: You're gonna have to [be] walking 
around!

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MICHAEL: No.

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BRIDGETTE: Yes!

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JESSE: Yes!

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MICHAEL: OK, how about this-

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JESSE: Dude, wait! No, no, no!

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Before you even squash it...

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You know how those superheroes out there?

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MICHAEL: Yeah.

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JESSE: We just get you a cape. You're Captain 
Underpants.

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BRIDGETTE: Yeah!

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MICHAEL: Ok. Ok. I love that.

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JESSE: OH, MY GOD! YOU ARE CAPTAIN UNDERPANTS!

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MICHAEL: OK. I like it.

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JESSE: Holy crap!

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MICHAEL: And he- he needs his sidekick, Kid 
Diaper, with him.

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JESSE: 'Kid Diaper'?

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MICHAEL: I like it.

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JESSE: It's 'Super Diaper Baby', technically.

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MICHAEL: 'McDiaperNuggets'.

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JESSE: But, I'm pretty sure-

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MICHAEL: Like...

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JESSE: But, I'm pretty sure-

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[laughter]

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No!

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BRIDGETTE: I love this.

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JESSE: Look, OK. Maybe.

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MICHAEL: U- Uh...

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JESSE: But, you have to go full baby, which 
means you gotta shave your head and eyebrows, 
OK?

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[laughter]

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MICHAEL: N- Forget it, OK?

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[laughter]

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Look, I'm not even doing it ever.

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BRIDGETTE: Come on!

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JESSE: Bro!

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BRIDGETTE: Come on!

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JESSE: You- No. You signed the deal. That 
was part of the StoryFire contract.

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Do you- Do I need to pull out the paperwork?

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MICHAEL: What StoryFire contract that makes 
me agree that I'm contractually obligated 
to wear a diap-

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JESSE: You signed- You literally said, "Let's 
put it in there for 100K.", 'cause you didn't 
think that was gonna be possible.

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MICHAEL: I did do tha- I did do that.

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JESSE: OK. So, you gotta deliver-

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MICHAEL: You gonna hold me to that?

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[laughter]

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JESSE: You gotta deliver it, bro.

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I still- I got an award for you. How about 
you do the diaper video, you'll get your 
award for StoryFire?

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You'll get your Flamey.

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MICHAEL: This is- F...

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JESSE: You'll get your Flamey for dressing 
up like a big baby. [chuckling]

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You'll be a Flamey, dude.

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[laughter]

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Bro, you better, like, put a sto- a sock 
down there to, you know.

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You don't want that out there.

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MICHAEL: Yeah, I can't-

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JESSE: You know, make it further... you know, 
do what you did with Bridgette with the...

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you just put some, you know?

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MICHAEL: He's right. I'mll have to, like, 
stuff, like, a sock in there, so my d*ck 
doesn't fall off.

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JESSE: Yeah, like just-

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MICHAEL: Like, it's a massive...

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JESSE: Massive?

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MICHAEL: Yeah, massive.

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JESSE: Like a- Like a mastiff? Like, that 
dog?

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MICHAEL: Yeah.

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BRIDGETTE: I- It's pretty big.

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JESSE: It's a big dog.

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MICHAEL: Ma- Mastiffs are the biggest dog, 
I've got the biggest d*ck.

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JESSE: Yea-

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Oh.

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MICHAEL: Certainly, in this room.

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JESSE: Are you gonna... We'll- Nick, we're 
going t- I think there's a CVS down there.

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MICHAEL: We're- I'm not- Do you think I'm 
doing that in Times Square?

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NICK: Yeah?

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MICHAEL: We're- I'm not- Do you think I'm 
doing that in Times Square?

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JESSE: No, we're gonna get you- I'm- We're 
getting you- Yes!

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That is the PERFECT place to do it!

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MICHAEL: Jesse! I'll do it if McDiaperNuggets 
is my sidekick here, doing it with me.

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JESSE: Look, be honest. Why did you want 
me to put in the contract is you wanna enjoy 
it?

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You think you're gonna like it. It's gonna 
bring a-

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MICHAEL: I'm not gonna enjoy it in front 
of 10 million people.

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I'm not even doing it, how about that?

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JESSE: Well,

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MICHAEL: I'm not even doing it, how about 
that?

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JESSE: ...you know, wouldn't you be putting 
that onto YouTube, where a lot, uh, like, 
hundreds of thousands [of] people?

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There's literally a few hundred people.

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MICHAEL: I'm quitting StoryFire.

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JESSE: Wh- Where's the math?

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NICK: You gotta test out the-

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MICHAEL: I'm never uploading on StoryFire 
again.

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BRIDGETTE: Michael!

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JESSE: Oh my- Mike! Seriously?

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NICK: He signed a deal?

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MICHAEL: Yeah, I never agreed to do it in 
freaking Times Square. Never agreed to do 
it in public!

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JESSE: OK! You gotta have a diaper in the 
suitcase or something.

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MICHAEL: No, dude.

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NICK: Yeah?

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MICHAEL: No, dude.

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JESSE: Bridgette doesn't have one for the 
kid?

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MICHAEL: Bro!

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JESSE: Bridgette doesn't have one for the 
kid?

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MICHAEL: Stop going through our stuff.

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NICK: You gotta test out infant products.

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JESSE: See how it fits.

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NICK: You gotta test out infant products.

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JESSE: I'll just see what I can find.

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NICK: For the kid.

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JESSE: I'll just see what I can find.

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JESSE: Yeah, right. You gotta just get-

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NICK: For the kid!

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JESSE: You gotta figure out what it's like! 
When you are a dad, you wanna get in the...

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diaper of your child.

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00:03:01,600 --> 00:03:02,200
MICHAEL: I'm not doing it.

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BRIDGETTE: Michael, come on! You have to!

148
00:03:03,800 --> 00:03:09,600
JESSE: Look! Dude! Your pregnant not-wife 
wants you to do this, so, what are you gonna 
do?

149
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Are you gonna really deny her?

150
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MICHAEL: Yes, I am denying her.

151
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If you do-

152
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BRIDGETTE: Why can't you just say 'girlfriend'?

153
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JESSE: Well, I don't know what-

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BRIDGETTE: 'Pregnant girlfriend'.

155
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JESSE: I don't know what you guys are.

156
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I still think you're paid actors and actresses 
with each other.

157
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I think you're brother and sister, to be 
honest, 'cause you guys are in South Carolina.

158
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MICHAEL: Here's the deal.

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JESSE: I'm just saying.

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BRIDGETTE: That is an Alabama thing.

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MICHAEL: Here's the deal.

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JESSE: Dude, still, right there.

163
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MICHAEL: Either you do it with me, or I do 
it in South Carolina.

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JESSE: How are you gonna rope me into this?

165
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MICHAEL: Because.

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JESSE: If you're doing it in South Carolina, 
you gotta go to Charleston and do it.

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Right down Dixon Street,

168
00:03:33,000 --> 00:03:33,200
MICHAEL: OK.

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JESSE: Right down Dixon Street.

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00:03:34,000 --> 00:03:34,100
MICHAEL: There was never anything in the 
contract that said that I had to do it in 
public.

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JESSE: ...or whatever the heck that is.

172
00:03:34,600 --> 00:03:37,900
MICHAEL: There was never anything in the 
contract that said that I had to do it in 
public.

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I'm gonna do it around the house.

174
00:03:39,100 --> 00:03:39,200
JESSE: Oh, that's so lame, Mike!

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MICHAEL: Which is a-

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JESSE: Oh, that's so lame, Mike!

177
00:03:39,800 --> 00:03:41,600
MICHAEL: It's already humiliating, Jesse!

178
00:03:41,700 --> 00:03:44,100
JESSE: You're putting it on video, which 
is hundreds of thousands.

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00:03:44,400 --> 00:03:44,500
Well, you-

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00:03:44,600 --> 00:03:45,600
BRIDGETTE: Jesse, I agree with this.

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00:03:45,700 --> 00:03:45,800
JESSE: You just-

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BRIDGETTE: You have to do it, too.

183
00:03:46,500 --> 00:03:47,100
JESSE: Yeah! You saw-

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00:03:47,200 --> 00:03:47,800
Wh- What?

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00:03:47,900 --> 00:03:49,200
BRIDGETTE: You have to do it, too!

186
00:03:49,600 --> 00:03:49,700
JESSE: No.

187
00:03:49,800 --> 00:03:51,600
BRIDGETTE: He can't do that by himself in 
Times Square!

188
00:03:51,700 --> 00:03:53,000
JESSE: For Michael? It would be embarrassing 
for me!

189
00:03:53,100 --> 00:03:55,400
I feel like people, like, [would/will] be 
turned on by it.

190
00:03:55,500 --> 00:03:56,500
Like, it's erotic.

191
00:03:56,700 --> 00:03:57,300
MICHAEL: I'll tell you what.

192
00:03:58,500 --> 00:03:59,000
JESSE: Yes!

193
00:03:59,500 --> 00:04:01,400
MICHAEL: Guys, you're watching my final StoryFire 
video, 'cause on...

194
00:04:02,700 --> 00:04:03,500
Look, I'm gonna do it.

195
00:04:04,400 --> 00:04:04,600
JESSE: Mmph!

196
00:04:04,800 --> 00:04:06,000
MICHAEL: But, I'm not doing it today.

197
00:04:07,300 --> 00:04:08,600
JESSE: So, we'll come back to Times Square 
and do it?

198
00:04:08,900 --> 00:04:10,400
MICHAEL: Nope. We're gonna do it in South 
Carolina.