1
00:00:00,00 --> 00:00:02,300
Our troops have broken through along a wide 
front

2
00:00:02,400 --> 00:00:07,000
They've taken Chernobyl to the north and 
are advancing to Kyiv

3
00:00:07,100 --> 00:00:11,200
They're on the eastern outskirts of Kharkiv 
and Mariupol

4
00:00:11,300 --> 00:00:15,400
They've reached Dnieper and Melitopol to 
the south

5
00:00:17,100 --> 00:00:20,700
Our paratrooper assault will bring Hostomel 
airport under control, ensuring quick victory.

6
00:00:24,000 --> 00:00:25,200
Mein Führer

7
00:00:26,800 --> 00:00:28,900
Our troops

8
00:00:29,900 --> 00:00:33,100
Our troops were totally annihilated at the 
airport

9
00:00:33,200 --> 00:00:36,300
The Ukrainians have stopped our advances 
on all fronts

10
00:00:52,600 --> 00:00:58,000
The following men will stay here: Medvedev, 
Lavrov, Shoigu and Kadyrov

11
00:01:12,900 --> 00:01:15,300
They were supposed to surrender!

12
00:01:15,400 --> 00:01:18,800
We should have won already!

13
00:01:18,900 --> 00:01:23,200
You assured me that Ukraine would surrender 
within hours!

14
00:01:24,800 --> 00:01:27,100
Do I need to start poisoning underwear again?

15
00:01:29,000 --> 00:01:33,000
The military, everybody, has been lying to 
me. Even the FSB!

16
00:01:34,100 --> 00:01:39,600
Our generals are just a bunch of drunken, 
disloyal cowards!

17
00:01:39,700 --> 00:01:42,600
The Ukrainian resistance has been fiercer 
than expected...

18
00:01:42,700 --> 00:01:46,200
They are cowards, traitors and thieves!

19
00:01:46,300 --> 00:01:49,000
Mein Führer, they have javelins, NLAWs and 
stingers provided by the West!

20
00:01:49,100 --> 00:01:51,700
They are Europe's poorest country with no 
airforce!

21
00:01:51,900 --> 00:01:54,400
Why aren't they capitulating?

22
00:01:55,700 --> 00:02:00,100
We have prepared this for over a year! With 
our best troops!

23
00:02:00,300 --> 00:02:04,000
Just to run out of diesel and getting arrested 
when asking for it from a local police station!

24
00:02:04,100 --> 00:02:07,900
Asking for directions and begging for food 
from the local civilians!

25
00:02:08,000 --> 00:02:12,800
How can our military be this bad?!?!?

26
00:02:13,600 --> 00:02:16,500
They clearly do not fear me

27
00:02:16,600 --> 00:02:21,400
Even though I get rid of people just like 
Stalin used to!

28
00:02:27,000 --> 00:02:29,100
Our operations have always succeeded

29
00:02:29,200 --> 00:02:36,500
And European Union has never done anything 
to stop us

30
00:02:41,000 --> 00:02:42,100
Cyka blyat

31
00:02:42,200 --> 00:02:47,500
The whole world is laughing at our troops 
right now! They do not fear us!

32
00:02:47,600 --> 00:02:52,900
And Germany of all nations supported strong 
sanctions against us

33
00:02:53,000 --> 00:02:55,700
But the Ukrainian leadership will pay

34
00:02:56,700 --> 00:02:59,400
They will all be drinking polonium tea while 
falling through a window.

35
00:02:59,500 --> 00:03:02,900
While I continue to instill fear from my 
bunker

36
00:03:03,500 --> 00:03:07,800
Don't worry, we already exchanged our rubles 
to euros

37
00:03:13,400 --> 00:03:17,000
We need to wrap up this war quickly

38
00:03:17,600 --> 00:03:23,500
And go back to squeezing money from EU in 
exchange for gas

39
00:03:24,600 --> 00:03:26,100
Everyone hates us now

40
00:03:31,000 --> 00:03:33,300
We have failed

41
00:03:40,400 --> 00:03:44,100
But I will take all of the oligarchs and 
Russian economy down with me

42
00:03:44,200 --> 00:03:48,500
While Ukraine joins the EU and NATO and we 
lose it forever

43
00:03:53,200 --> 00:03:55,000
Zelenskyi had the last laugh