1 00:00:05,000 --> 00:00:08,300 Prof, you have wide experience in marriage. 2 00:00:08,400 --> 00:00:13,200 Do you have some tips especially for young married couple on 3 00:00:13,300 --> 00:00:18,100 how to balance between taking care of your family and your in law family. 4 00:00:18,200 --> 00:00:21,100 Thank you. Do you have many siblings, Tia? 5 00:00:21,200 --> 00:00:24,100 I have 4 siblings. But I have big extended families. 6 00:00:24,200 --> 00:00:25,500 Asyraf (husband) also have big families? 7 00:00:25,600 --> 00:00:29,200 I also have big families. My husband has 8 siblings. 8 00:00:29,300 --> 00:00:34,400 I feel like we have to understand two things about people. 9 00:00:34,500 --> 00:00:41,600 People want to be understood, they want to feel important and they want to feel loved. 10 00:00:41,700 --> 00:00:47,000 I feel like if we have this formula, wherever we go we will be calm. 11 00:00:47,100 --> 00:00:51,900 First, we must understand the 'language of love'. 12 00:00:52,000 --> 00:00:58,300 For instance, a Chinese man cannot understand an Indian man when they're talking as they use different language. 13 00:00:58,400 --> 00:01:00,300 Now we're talking about the 'love language'. 14 00:01:00,400 --> 00:01:08,100 Tia, how do you know your husband loves you? What did he do that makes you feel loved? 15 00:01:08,200 --> 00:01:14,100 He treats me nicely and he stands by me. 16 00:01:14,200 --> 00:01:20,600 Does he make you feel important or he gives service to you? 17 00:01:20,700 --> 00:01:23,800 He always makes me feel important to him. 18 00:01:23,900 --> 00:01:28,700 So, he gives quality time to you? And he gives attention too? 19 00:01:28,800 --> 00:01:29,000 Yes. 20 00:01:29,100 --> 00:01:32,400 So that is your love language. 21 00:01:32,500 --> 00:01:38,000 When your love language is quality time and attention, you will feel loved when you get them. 22 00:01:38,100 --> 00:01:45,200 Okay, what about Asyraf (husband)? What makes him happy? 23 00:01:46,500 --> 00:01:53,300 Cooking for him? Giving him present? Saying 'I love you' to him or spending quality time with him? 24 00:01:53,400 --> 00:01:58,200 Yes, we would say 'I love you' to each other every time. 25 00:01:58,300 --> 00:02:04,700 And I would support him in whatever he does. 26 00:02:05,400 --> 00:02:07,100 So, he likes when you uttered 'I love you' to him? 27 00:02:07,200 --> 00:02:07,600 Yes, he does. 28 00:02:07,700 --> 00:02:15,300 That means he is someone that likes affirmation. His love language could be through words. 29 00:02:15,400 --> 00:02:20,200 When you understand his love language, you will start doing what he likes and he will be happy. 30 00:02:20,300 --> 00:02:25,100 There are 5 love language. If you pick the right one, it would be enough to make the someone happy. 31 00:02:25,200 --> 00:02:30,000 So when you both get your love language,you will have a happy marriage. 32 00:02:30,100 --> 00:02:33,300 When you have big families, how to give your love to everyone? 33 00:02:33,400 --> 00:02:37,300 You must understand people. For instance, take a look at your mother-in-law. What does she like? 34 00:02:37,400 --> 00:02:41,800 As for me, I noticed my mother-in-law was really happy when I gave her present. 35 00:02:41,900 --> 00:02:46,600 She likes blue color, blue handbag, blue clothes. She loves everything blue. 36 00:02:46,700 --> 00:02:52,000 So when I give her present, she will be happy. That is her love language. 37 00:02:52,100 --> 00:02:56,900 I try to observe people. For instance, your mother-in-law may love to cook. 38 00:02:57,000 --> 00:03:07,400 That means her love language is to give service. 39 00:03:07,500 --> 00:03:12,300 So we can try to give the same thing to her, which is our service by helping with cooking or buying groceries. 40 00:03:13,200 --> 00:03:19,800 Study the love language of people. When you meet them,interact with them in a way that makes them - 41 00:03:19,900 --> 00:03:26,800 - feel understood,loved and make them feel good about themselves. 42 00:03:26,900 --> 00:03:35,600 Do you think people like to receive something or give something? 43 00:03:35,700 --> 00:03:40,500 We usually think that people will be happy if they receive something, 44 00:03:40,600 --> 00:03:45,400 but people are actually happier if they can give something to someone. 45 00:03:45,500 --> 00:03:51,800 For example, if we refuse to receive something from someone, it means that we do not allow that person to be good to us. 46 00:03:51,900 --> 00:03:53,200 That is not nice. 47 00:03:53,300 --> 00:04:00,800 If my patient brought something for me at the clinic like food, I would have it right away. It makes them happy. 48 00:04:00,900 --> 00:04:05,700 It shows that we appreciate their effort. 49 00:04:05,800 --> 00:04:10,600 Even though you have big families,you can win people's heart by having the right intention 50 00:04:10,700 --> 00:04:15,500 and makes them feel important and respected. 51 00:04:15,600 --> 00:04:24,600 Practise to smile, give salaam, be patience (sabr), and be polite. 52 00:04:24,700 --> 00:04:29,500 If you meet someone, smile. Give salaam. Ask about their well-being. 53 00:04:29,600 --> 00:04:34,400 Talk politely and be respectful. 54 00:04:36,200 --> 00:04:39,300 It is very easy. 55 00:04:39,400 --> 00:04:44,200 No matter how many family members you have, if your heart is filled with love, 56 00:04:44,300 --> 00:04:50,400 Everytime we give compliment to someone, we are depositing our emotional bank account. 57 00:04:50,500 --> 00:04:57,500 If you and your family has 'thick' emotional bank account,your relationship would not be affected by small problems. 58 00:04:57,600 --> 00:05:02,400 What destroys relationship among people is when they have 'thin' emotional bank account. 59 00:05:02,500 --> 00:05:07,300 So we must deposit our emotional bank account everyday by mentioning the good about people, 60 00:05:07,400 --> 00:05:12,200 respect people, and do not criticise.