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um okay

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oh it's that easy huh

just go to patreon.com forward slash the encounter table pod

yeah dude patreon.com forward slash the encounter tablepod or you know you could just go to the episode description

ah that is easy can we get back to the show now

i mean yeah i guess

the encounter table is an explicit podcast meant for adult listeners only

if you are under the age of 18 we won't tell your mom but we could we do know her

very very intimately yeah you [ __ ] nerds

hello everyone and welcome to the encounter table a d d real play podcast about four unfortunate individuals taken

from our world and thrown into the world of dungeons and dragons

if you don't know anything about d d that is totally fine because look let's let's just face the facts okay neither do i

i'm a dumb [ __ ] baby

i'm a dumb [ __ ] nat one zero intelligence score baby okay

so let this dumb [ __ ] baby explain to you how to play this dumb [ __ ] game

you're really playing up the dumbbell intelligence wasn't the negatives

yep that's missing

even a dumb baby can explain things once in its life the right way

exactly put simply d is an improv storytelling game

that we tell through the eyes of our own individual characters

and the element of fate is introduced by the role of a 20-sided die more commonly referred to as a d20

typically the higher the roll the better the outcome lower the roll the worse the outcome

but with that being said

my name is baron and i play dex turner

the hex blade swashbuckling skater boy who is in a band

yeah he's in a band um and the name of said band is

say it say it right now [ __ ] uh

butt eaters. that's it, yep! yep that's

that is cannon now i did that sorry um

dear god it's spelled b-u-t-t space uh e-e-t-r-z

that's they sound like a nice jazz band i feel like they played oh for sure

[Laughter] i am joined today by luke godfrey

what up what up uh i'm luke godfrey i play scott travis

the gamer boy- oh my god [Laughter]

the gamer boy turned druid um

scott travis scott travis yeah

scott travis the gamer boy turned druid uh who

hasn't touched grass in a while it's been it's been a minute

just one minute yeah it's been exactly

i guess you could call him a grassless jack!

that okay uh future brandon put in some

cricket noises here cactus jack cricket

cactus jack joke cricket

man [ __ ] y'all i'm funny i'm also joined by joe joyce

hello there listeners my name is joel joyce and i play preston adeline

a preppy half out sorcerer with a knack for the wild things in life

who is also a closeted role-playing fanatic

i love that quick quick question about preston

of course ask away

how many [ __ ] swirlies has this kid got

none because if you bully at his school

you get fined heavily you pay defined

you pay a heavy price you get you have to wear this really out of fashion ascot

you can't [ __ ] with it

i'm sorry an out of fashion ascot is your punishment for giving someone a wedgie what the [ __ ]

listen visual appearance is everything at his school

if you look like a [ __ ] no one's gonna want to talk to you

is that really out of fashion ascot when you're running right now

no this this was actually ahead of ahead of the curve that was not nice

and preston preston may be preppy but he still has feelings

does he does he really

he's got a big heart at least i think so

i'm sure your mama thinks you're beautiful

so is the grinch it's a facial a mother could love she might

i am also joined by jordan makeup

hey i'm jordan maka and i play clarissa cold short the tiefling fighter

and you'll typically see her walking with a

vanilla chai tea latte in one hand and her phone and the other hand

with her perfectly manicured claws i like to call them

viciously tapping away to her friends gossiping of course because what...

what else would clarissa be doing on her free time?

making boys cry now this this chai tea latte thingy is it like

uh so 100 organic uh oat milk two pumps of vanilla oh yeah

all that jazz hormone-free and she's a very extra person

her chai tea lattes are 100 organic and 100 white-washed ladies and gentlemen

that [ __ ] is just straight whipped cream and sugar that is all that is it is 90 whipped cream and sugar

and like 10 actual [ __ ] dna that she doesn't even drink all of it so

i bet clarissa watch is true

[Music] she likes more pretty little liars the drama

oh so she has daddy issues got it [Laughter]

i mean you say that about a lot of shows though zinger

i mean if anything she sees her uh daddy's money more than her dad so

if that says anything

also i don't know if i should laugh or cry yeah

she's swimming in cold cash i got spicy

no we're not gonna unpack all of that just yeah not not right now no

i just see jordan in like a like a therapist's office not jordan uh clarissa with

like the raw shack test and it's just it's literally just like a hundred dollar bill and it's like tell me what you think of this father

[ __ ] daddy i mean daddy [ __ ] dollar dollar

that's what that's money currency love i mean i mean

dude what's love i don't know

they don't they don't teach us that in school

[Laughter] ladies and gentlemen without more delay

if i could just bring in a little drum roll

the fog rolls in one spotlight

the other spot

they do a little bit and then

they emerge!!!!

[Music] keep that keep the [ __ ] turbo going oh sorry sorry dude of this beautiful burly bearded man he turns around and says buckle up you liches and [ __ ] my name's otto i'll be your dm for this campaign so warm up those dice grab your favorite snack sit back and relax you are at the encounter table [Applause] [Music] oh [Music] [Applause] it is a cool autumn day in a small town outside of let's say southern grand rapids there's clouds in the air oh [ __ ] i'm in michigan now [ __ ] you gotta love michigan slap the air is there's cool clouds moving through the sky birds chirping it's a wonderful day you all find yourselves at a mall what do you do uh i go to i'm gonna call my mom can you call my mom too oh trust me i will maybe awake i lost my phone and i actually don't know how to get home from here corsa doesn't even know her mom's phone number she's just worried about her uh her venti latte so does clarissa know her mom [Music] she knows her first name i mean they live together anyway by proxy she would know her last name too scott what are you currently doing uh scott is currently behind the cashier desk thingy at spencer's because that is where he works uh scott he's a pretty tall lanky dude typical wavy uh dirty brown hair he's got a look of pure disgust on his face at the world and everything around him he's uh he's got his nintendo switch hidden behind the counter and he's playing breath of the wild right now good man gang gang dex what are you doing hi i'm gonna call my mom okay she doesn't answer [Laughter] i'm gonna call her again otto you're gonna play my mother damn it yo that is the complete opposite of yes and all right it's not even no butts it's just like she actually turns her phone off you have no service here there's yes and no butts but then there's a step beyond that no period dexter sweetie what's up [ __ ] hell mom you sound like a dork well that is not nice where are your manners uh what where are they dex uh checks his pockets you want to let me know what i i don't i don't know oh i finished uh school i finished how how did you finish school you still should have another year and a half well i i went to the office okay no no i went to the office and i told them that i want to i want to stop you and so they gave me this paperwork because i i mean you know my birthday was last week i'm 18 now yes so they were like here just sign this so i signed that paper and they said i was done so wait i i graduated earlier dexter sweetie [Laughter] did you graduate or did you drop out little column a little column b potato tomato you know he graduated to a point where you felt emotionally comfortable drop out honey that's not finishing that's quitting your father's gonna be so disappointed mom no you said i can't quit correct go back to school no i'm done bye i love [Laughter] and then he's gonna send a text to uh preston's mom real quick and be like hey i'll be over in about an hour just gotta pick some [ __ ] up from the mall and then he sends an eggplant and a winky face and then puts his phone in his pocket and he uh heads to spencer oh my god uh preston's mom texts back winky face winky face fire oh my how do you have my mom's phone number how did this happen oh my god dex doesn't just hit it and quit it dog oh my god that's fine this is all fine [ __ ] here's the kicker dex does not know that preston's mom is pregnant i get that but now i me joe the human being who has to now play preston knows that i don't like it oh my god oh so yeah he heads into spencer all right what do you want to do with spencer's just whistling a little jaunty tune he's gonna go he's playing some type of like summer he's gonna go to the adult section for a present for president obama i thought you were gonna say present for your dad i was like okay all right you guys are at that father-son bonding level i get that [ __ ] is he gonna get any help picking anything out not from scott no oh no he's just gonna walk over to like a lollipop that's like dick shaped and he's like oh cool candy and he's just gonna grab it off the wall uh put it in his hoodie by the way um i guess what scott sees as dex enters the spencers is another tall lanky individual in a hoodie that was great problem original um also with long curly dark hair wait a minute um as i said earlier he's wearing a black hoodie uh on the front says butt eaters the name of his band uh he's rocking like a black kind of tattered up beanie black nail polish she's got some piercings here and there um but that's really it pretty you know he's just like the guy that avril lavigne wrote skater boy about that uh but yeah he walks back to the uh the adult section and grabs the the dick lollipop and puts that in his in his hoodie oh wait okay so wait so are you trying to steal right now i think he is yeah uh dm can i roll can i roll like a perception check or something oh absolutely you can hell yeah first roll the campaign boys here we go let's do it [ __ ] it up that is a 10 plus 6 16. that's about as good that's that's pretty mid that's pretty acceptable that is pretty acceptable now you notice him you don't exactly see what he took but you saw him grab something off a shelf and place it gotcha the pouch of his hoodie how do you wish to proceed uh sir this is a wendy's [Laughter] sir uh you can't put the merchandise in your clothes sir wait are you talking to me yeah you're the only guy in here that right now that's that's not my name what's your name dude it's not sir okay smart ass take whatever that is out of your hoodie what's your name my name is uh [ __ ] you get that whatever it is out of your hoodie and we don't have to have this conversation also oh oh wow congratulations uh i i forget where i asked um i i can't but i can't i can't take it out i i don't have to oh yeah you kind of do you kind of do why uh scott starts putting away his switch in his bag cause he knows this is gonna probably be a long situation uh cause that's called stealing you gotta bring that to the counter and pay for it first oh no no no it's okay it's okay i'm a socialist what i read somewhere that like socialists don't have to buy anything because money doesn't exist that's not how it works at all dude what the [ __ ] i'm pretty sure that's how socialism works uh me i i don't i haven't studied that but that's not how this store works and i like i like point at the ground with both of my hands this country is a spender spenders spencer this country is a spencer this country was founded on spencer's and capitals i'm goddamn it you're gonna obey it like every good american citizen does four score and seven years ago i went to spencer they had their most beautiful selection hey why don't we have slaves [Laughter] but yeah if you could just either put that back where you found it or come up to the counter and pay for it then we'll be golden hmm smoke bomb and then like dex just runs out of the out of the building did he even throw anything no did he just say yeah karen take over the counter i hop over the counter and chase after him what does karen do does she like she is the manager she just kind of looks up fine whatever better be back here in five minutes or this is gonna cost your ass i'd flip her off on my way out let's be real this is a spencer's karen has been in the parking lot of the mall smoking like since she clocked on consider this your break scott damn that's brutal yo karen as the manager is such a [ __ ] but all right yeah i'm just chasing i'm chasing ducks down now all right uh so yeah dex you gonna you know just keep going um yeah do okay while i'm running do i i'm getting kind of thirsty do i see any like drinks in my vicinity do you see any drinks a tall venti whatever that means thai thing you see basic white girl coffee up ahead my first kill is there a white girl attached to that coffee there is actually yeah it doesn't matter if there's a person attached to it jax is gonna like just keep sprinting and he's gonna reach out and just like a drive-by just like what it's like it's like side of handle people can just like slip like they're like someone's watch off yeah that's light of hand he's just gonna like do that [ __ ] to the cup and be like sorry i'm a socialist so with that being said clarissa could you please describe yourself um so clarissa she's about five seven she's she's pretty small uh 18 she's kind of tan she's got that long platinum hair going on and she's just a shane through the mall drinking her coffee you know kind of looking for some dresses for the upcoming dance that's you know coming up just mind her own business you know not really wanting to socialize with anyone obviously because [Laughter] how the turntables you really just can't go out and do anything nice for yourself anymore you just have to run into these goddamn socialists ruining the country well there goes our entire california fan base i was about to say dex is single-handedly bringing back the red scare i am so sorry california you can also not [ __ ] l.a i hate you your city [ __ ] that's our next piece of merch dex hates california with that being said what do you wish to do about your coffee being snatched um excuse me she's just gonna like stop and she's just like shocked that somebody would actually grab something away you're excused um i know he did not just do that because that was about eight dollars right there and i mean it's not really a penny out of my pocket but the nerve that that kid has yeah i don't think so and so she's gonna start like kind of click clacking in her okay i'm loving this mean girl's energy [Laughter] i imagine that when she runs it's like borderline like jack sparrow run like yes but it's like surprisingly fast i'll drink a mega pint to that she is definitely going to smash some leather purse up against his head all right so you you begin click clacking after decks you're surprisingly agile in those however tall they are healed boots so as you continue running this trifecta of anger and confusion and downright weird socialism you find yourself in a large open area shops around you on your left side there is a store it's dark and dingy and maybe half the lot lights in the sign work an old man stands outside talking to a frankly a dweeb [Laughter] preston you care to describe yourself i would not describe myself as a dweeb but yes i don't know yes let me break it down for you what otto describes as a dweeb is a a tall i say tall ish he's like six two you know he's lanky skinny boy but he's in a is it a baggy sweatshirt with like some pretty nice pants like their slacks they definitely don't match and then he's got he's got a baseball cap over this like really curly hair and it kind of like falls down onto his like his olive skin and he's talking very ad like passionately to this shop owner you guys probably can't hear what the conversations about but you get the gist that it's probably something dweeby because it is he's very excited about it otto you said that shop was to the left right yes it is yeah [ __ ] that i run to the right yeah i knew that was coming i [ __ ] knew it to the right you notice a door swing open vigorously as three tall individuals wearing security vests okay i won't say three tall one skinny scrawny little security guard one big buff dude and one chubby guy i think his name's like paul or something he's on a segway but he's common voices what are their voices i need these characters voices give us the skinny guy first the skinny guy yeah yes hey you stop oh my god is that a mustache oh that's aggressive no you hear the uh chubbier guy chime in now boy you better get yourself back here oh my god he's got a cowboy hat on he's kind of a southerner and then the big buff dude yeah you better stop there bye oh my god the thickest midwestern accent you can imagine oh yeah but you know it's not like that ain't too nice now so like is he like cornered then between me and the the security guards yes so he stops in this opening security guards blocking one exit scott and clarissa blocking the exit other exit they're all screaming at him he doesn't know what to do there's one dude just give me back the [ __ ] dick lollipop you ass [ __ ] you it's from my girlfriend and then dex is going to like throw the coffee at or the the tea at their feet to make like an oat spill and just take off towards the game shop pedicure it tastes like [ __ ] anyways as you do that uh as you throw it at their feet and take off into the gift shop you see the older men turn to the security guards i've got this one i'll call you in a minute are you two gonna pursue oh yeah can i like roll to try and snatch him as he runs past me sure but would that be like dexterity that's going to be contested baby uh athletics athletics got it that's why oh i'm not that good at athletics you're going to try a contested dex role against the guy named athletics is strength based my guy so it's you use both if one is successful you have to pass the other one to grapple somebody can i try to swing my purse at his head yes you can pass make an attack roll for me can i roll like sleight of hand attack role or athletics just hit him with your purse that's an attack to like slip out that'd be more of a acrobatics all right one second okay i got a natural one yeah no you miss him completely you actually facebook into the chai tea oil spill yeah i slip and fall on the chai all of the all of the sugar and whipped cream makes it quite slick and you end up just face planting so yeah cuz i got a 17 damn i got 11 to hit him with my purse what's your armor class it's a 15. so you're you're going to miss them just barely keeping upright you kind of you stumble around kind of looks like you're almost a little drunk but you're not it's just because it's slippery now he makes it into the game shop marvin turns in after him and preston just kind of follows because he's he sees this old creepy man as like a almost like a father figure wait his name is marvin you haven't met him yet you don't know his name you can see this you can see the sign that says marvin's mystic mystic games that's the ringtone so yeah two of the players are in this shop does the other two wish to join them i mean yeah i'm gonna [ __ ] run in there oh yeah she wants uh one good hit at least so you all go storming into the shop and into a back room and you're all arguing claire's to swinging at him he's barely just dodging out of the way he's kind of a acrobatic lad marvin comes in all of you quiet you you stop screaming you turn towards them now everyone take a seat there this room is a smaller room poorly did lit there's four chairs in front of you um now grabs the chair and runs out right now i don't know why you're talking to me this dude's a thief he was stealing from the spencers i got to bring him back over there and yeah i'm not i'm a socialist i don't think you know what that means saying it loud it doesn't i don't think you know what anything means you're done you're going to resolve all of this just take a seat we will resolve with words uh result dude what are you on old man just take a seat okay that was okay uh scott responds very well to authority so he's just gonna kind of sit down quietly good boy hope you know if you try anything weird i have pepper spray and i know how to use it noted youtube sit down well all right but after this you have to sell me your figurines of ferocia very well we will make a deal the [ __ ] is ferocious are you asking are you asking preston that in yeah yeah you know yeah i am what the [ __ ] ferocia he turns at you with like like wide eyes it's like only the most epic heroine of all of tabletop law okay you can stop talking now yeah so in front of you at this table in the very center there's a large crystal not a ball kinda circular though and in in front of each person there's three miniature figurines now before we get into the business at hand let's play a game shall we each of you pick one and tell me this is ridiculous what place a finger upon one wait so can we like visibly oh dex is in dawg what does he see oh [ __ ] i have to come up with descriptions for twelve thanks here tell you what there's three in front of you describe the one you're gonna pick okay there we go uh oh okay scott picks one up uh it's like a owl person on it like a bipedal humanoid with an owl face and owl wings and like druidic robes and a staff uh fine i picked this one [ __ ] whatever i'm on my break anyways i'm probably gonna get fired doesn't matter all right next decks uh dex picks up the uh the little dog piece from monopoly and he takes a sharpie and he draws like whiskers on it and look that makes the ears like cat ears he's like hey look when he puts that instructing you it is small one of these ones he points at the three minis in front of you not monopoly he stares and there's one that looks just like dex and he grabs that one he's like oh [ __ ] and he puts it down but what he doesn't see until he puts it down is that this version of dex has cat ears oh my god you're such a [ __ ] furry dude what the hell dex touches his face and he's like no um preston reaches out and grabs a humanoid figure um with uh two striking like things about them one they have pointed ears into they are surrounded by like magical elements of such things as like earth fire ice things like that cup and clarissa how does yours look uh clarissa is just going to kind of snatch one off the table closest one to her kind of like a little i guess like lady with some horns on her she's just gonna kind of give out a huff and be like okay can we can we just can i can i go now please all right so as you all grab these he gestures over the table and you all feel a slight prick on your hand and as you all you know kind of reel in this not necessarily pain but slight pain but shock you notice that now a small drop of blood is coming out of your hand and there's just a little bit on each figure god what the [ __ ] oh my god did i get roofied no i thought it was kind of led on mine i want a new one we're going to play a game have fun no we're not oh yeah no [ __ ] that he begins chanting latin over the crystal and as he does you feel yourself become sleepier well he wow [Laughter] you slowly get sleepier but not like you're tired almost like your consciousness is being pulled out of you and you start to feel smaller the mini starts to feel bigger all of you are now unconscious when you open your eyes you're all in almost like a skyrim loading room right it's like fog there's no real ground below you and everything's just black and foggy and it's almost like you're in a different dimension and you hear a booming voice come from overhead good now you will play play forever survive and you just might be free die and you shall perish everybody ready am i dead what what the [ __ ] just said no no [ __ ] you i'm not playing your stupid ass game you [ __ ] get me out of here does this mean i don't have to pay for the lollipop no you still have to pay for the [ __ ] lollipop you hear him begin to laugh as once again you start to lose consciousness what's up all you cool gamers and teens it's baron and luke from the encounter table do y'all remember when pitbull rhymed kodak with kodak how about when t-pain rhymed a mansion with wisconsin pretty revolutionary right you know what else is revolutionary dubby what the [ __ ] is dubby oh you know just the hottest new energy drink that all the cool teens and gamers are drinking duh uh okay i don't know about that dude i always get jittery after drinking energy drinks not to mention all the sugar and all those the ones that are marketed towards gamers good good i don't i don't get it they're all chalky and gross and i don't know i don't like them well allow me to introduce you to your newest addiction i'm talking zero calories i'm talking zero sugar i'm talking zero jitters or crash i'm talking zero [ __ ] like dies artificial colors and chalkiness like okay i've heard a lot of claims from these other energy drink companies saying we're not chalky [ __ ] g-fuel shut up stupid dumb baby that needs a diaper a dumb baby [ __ ] dumb stupid baby g fuel that needs its poop diaper change calm down you're right no i'm not calming down man [ __ ] g fuel you know what they don't have flavors like galaxy grenade right which is watermelon guava and lime oh my god they don't have dragon aid which is dragon fruit with pink strawberry lemonade baby they just there's literally no downside to making the switch dragon aid does sound pretty badass not gonna lie i mean i've been addicted to mountain dew for the past few years now and i've been trying to find like a substitute for it it's been it's been kind of hard baron it's been kind of hard where can i uh where can i acquire some of this stuff where can i get this well luke let me tell you since we are professional dungeons and dragon aid players you can actually get some at w dot gg and use code encounter that's w dot gg with code and counter e and c o u n t e r use that code at checkout and you can get 10 off of your order or you can just click the link in the episode description so go get you some wp oh i get it like like like gg like good game like like you know like like the like the kid like the cool kids say no no like uh gugu gaga which is what [ __ ] g fuel says let's get back to the show in the beginning there were tales of heroes and villains these tales echo throughout alexandria tales of victory defeat blessings and sacrifice these are the attributes to some of the greatest stories to pass through these lands some of these stories contain legendary parties to the likes of vox machina and of individuals like elixion or tony other stories simply have yet to be told still no matter their origins their creed or their goals all these stories start the same with a humble beginning this is one of those tales in the war scarred wastes of zorhas on the consonant of wild mouth an ancient power awakes but the potential to change the destiny for alexandria forever an ancient plot devised long ago during the calamity threatens to spell doom for four young adventurers from a different world will they emerge victorious in the end or will defeat bring an untimely end to their story just as it was beginning in the end only time will tell [Music] you all find yourselves in a town the town of jigao now this town is a mix of mainly goblin orcs and other normally frowned upon peoples they have given up their ways of war for the most part and live in relative peace as you awake you notice that you are definitely not in the game store anymore how do you wish to proceed what the [ __ ] where are we this is what happened this is quite a realistic dream isn't it also as you look around you all notice you don't look the same as you did i don't remember acid being like this this is acid right i don't know this is just this uh this is not real right all right so as we wake up dexter would be like no i [ __ ] myself he's going to like reach back and there's a tail guys but i have a tail i have a [ __ ] tail preston looks over at scott it's like the first person he looks at and he's like oh did you always have feathers all up in your hair and he like he like gestures to his hair what the [ __ ] are you talking about i look up at the hair because it's in my face normally and sure enough i see some feathers i'm like what what the hell oh okay nope nope this is acid this this is what i've been told acid is like god damn it the whole feathers in the hair thing really went out of style years ago not gonna lie it's pretty problematic i that is the last thing i [ __ ] care about right now where are we [Laughter] clarissa goes to run her fingers through her hair and like stops when she hits like a horn on top of her and she like grabs it she's like what whoa what what is this i i can't pull it off this this this is a hat or something right like a weird headband type thing right what what what [ __ ] oh my god you have like you got like devil horns going on dude excuse me oh that's so metal first of all i mean like that's important it looks good oh okay thank you i'm gonna look around at the landscape and see if i like recognize anything if i can like recognize where we are okay so as you look around you notice some weird things going on so there's three main portions of the town and weirdly enough one of the portions of the town is moving and as you look closer this ramshackle town is on the back of a massive turtle it's turtles all the way down scott's jaw drops i love toes have you always been a furry the [ __ ] are you talking about oh my good heavens you maybe the the tail and the the ears it's a little tacky not gonna lie the what the the what the what dex reaches up to his head into his disgust he feels cat ears and he's just like oh my god he like turns around to find his beanie and like puts it on he's like no no no it didn't happen it didn't happen but then as he's like looking around and like stepping like stumbling around he steps on his own tail and he's like rare my gosh and he like coils it up and like puts it in his back pocket i have to ask and i know this probably isn't the best time but could i pet behind your ears i'm curious to see how soft they are dude boundaries yeah scott like stares daggers over at preston's like how the [ __ ] are you taking this all so well your ears your ears he like points ears like me all right and i go up to like ears touch my ears and like they're like oh would you look at that are they pointy he has to be in on it he's the one who probably asked that guy to drug us right i mean you all resemble races from the very popular tabletop game griffins and gargoyles have you not played it popular dude d d exists in this universe you can just use the name we besmirched the name you don't have to rip off riverdale like that no it's f it's fine you know what depression is too good for d and d in this universe because there's better good for dnd is that what your mommy told you my mommy doesn't know i play tabletop games i'm not allowed to tell anyone my mommy don't jiggle jiggle no no no no no no no no no you cannot be the one to say that this is out of characters this is me talking to barry did not make those jokes in front of him and not let him know oh my god oh man okay okay okay um uh uh uh think okay uh new new place uh new new hair um new me new school [ __ ] what do we i don't yeah maybe we should wait for this trip to end you know i mean it has it has to end right yeah yeah yeah that's a good idea good idea we're just going to sit here stick together stick together everybody [ __ ] stick together everybody and like let's just wait for this to be over with how does the trip wear off don't you have to go back to where you are from to finish the trip what the [ __ ] are you talking about yeah oh like the oh like the hazard and in games why is this guy here i i don't know why are you asking me you were the one that i ran into the store okay yeah yeah we were in the store that [ __ ] no i was chased wait pause i just had a lot of yelling and rambling about socialism and guys shut the [ __ ] up everybody shut the [ __ ] up real quick you don't think we actually got sucked into a game do you i mean is it really that crazy it's an old man and it's a really old shop and he did take some of our blood so it's not impossible he could have been a witch yeah that's it that's it that's it he pricked us with the acid that's what happened as you are discussing this you hear a voice almost in your heads forward my toys we have adventures to begin you stay out of this god i see how you might feel like this is some type of hallucination because that is not a regular occurrence for me even though i do play lots of games like this no one usually talks in my head hey [ __ ] you buddy how the hell do we get out of here i mean does anybody ever talk to you i'd have you know that i'm quite popular at my school oh really it's just no one knows that i played these games sorry what's your name again he holds out his hand preston adeline a pleasure to meet you she's she's just kind of gonna look at it and kind of like wave her hand a little bit at it be like okay okay yeah uh don't remember you don't recognize you don't know you uh oh i'm sure we've never rubbed elbows i'm i go to a pretty prestigious school red elbows dex reaches out and kind of like rubs scott's elbow what the [ __ ] get off of me i just want to see why the [ __ ] he would do that to someone don't look at me weird boundaries dude it's it's someone i would what i'm trying to say is that i would not associate with her because she does not go to my school oh god so you're an [ __ ] got it got it no i'm just pointing out a fact i'm not trying to be mean it's the same way as i would never met you because i would have gone to spencer's uh okay whatever um i mean even if we went to the same school i highly doubt that i would uh associate myself with you i start screaming at god again hey i asked you a [ __ ] question how do we get out of how does any here end by playing you beat the final boss very good or you lose or or we all die that is another way to lose games wait wait wait wait wait wait wait what what hey hey hey god old man what happens if we lose you don't want to know child well maybe i don't want to play a game clarissa's going to cross their arms and just kind of pout um and as you do that maybe 100 yards away from you lightning hits a tree what the [ __ ] okay right okay so maybe rethink this whole not playing the game problem otto is there like a gutter or like an alleyway somewhere nearby so you're like 150 yards away from the city just like outside of it you're just kind of chilling in an open field okay scott just kind of turns around and vomits all right and scott vomits congratulations that nasty is i say so myself oh [ __ ] you dude like a hankerchief and he pulls out a handkerchief from his breast pocket and hands it to scott scott takes the handkerchief and wipes his mouth and blows his nose and hands it but actually no he just tosses it on the ground uh thanks oh that is so nasty anybody got like a breath man or something that's quite all right i have more i have some gum in my purse could i can i steal a piece fine of course i was just gonna begrudgingly open her purse and pull out some gum and she's just gonna like toss a stick at him you owe me for this thank you for gum yeah i do have to say that you have quite the quite main demeanor and i don't know why you're being so cold to us when we're all in the same situation there i said it i tried not to be rude about it but i said it no you're right you're right we're in this together let's uh head toward the stupid [ __ ] town just take the gum i'm not taking it back you touched it just take it i it's it's on the ground at this point i already flicked it back at you preston over picks it up rips it in half and gives eat a half to both of them there well great now you broke it now neither of them won i'm sorry did you did you want a piece yeah closer just is like doesn't know what to say i mean you don't have to say anything just put it in your mouth and chill slides his beanie back to reveal a cat ear like please [Laughter] oh my gosh she's gonna pull the puss and boots [ __ ] on us that's what he does he takes his he takes his pd off and does the puss in boots he's like please oh my god man i knew he was a submissive furry oh my gosh hey god what's submissive i'll tell you when you're on the chief all right uh i guess we start then that's like fist bumps the sky i guess we start heading towards the town alrighty so you have entered the jumble a large district of tangled roads and single-story buildings in the town of jigao throngs of people most of them orcs and goblins move through the streets laughing singing running and slicing all are enthralled by the ruckus sights and sounds of the town's festival of merit you hear snippets of conversation as people pass by goblin mother telling her children not to go near the baby horizon back tortoises a drow guard and shining in sexual armor complaining to his partner that his gauntlet was crushed by a hulking orc while arm wrestling and a pair of young orcs and swimwear hollering as they rush toward the banks of the eiffel on river all around you colorful signs and banners point toward festival booths surrounded by cheering people on this street alone you can see a meat pie eating contest near a shop mounted on the back of a massive tortoise and on the other side of the road a banner emblazoned with the words riddles and rhymes unbeatable riddles that banner points toward a three-story temple in the center of the jumble the town is yours to explore where do you want to go okay riddles and rhymes riddles and rhymes rules and rhymes i have to agree that does sound quite interesting oh okay okay okay dex says while running towards it scott's gonna take a second and just like slap his face a little bit be like okay okay you're in a video game you're in a video game you're in a video game you're in a video game what would you do in a video game what'd you do in a video game i guess okay yeah the rhymes that they're going to rhymes and okay i'm just going to follow them and go to rhymes and riddles so how this is going to work for each different challenge so there's different challenges right and you can work as a party to complete it but only one of you can actually be the competitor and win the possible reward for each one gotcha oh really this sounds yes interesting guys i don't know about you but i'm real good at riddles i highly doubt that i've got away with words scott okay riddle me this cat why did you feel the need to steal my coffee because i was thirsty and the dick popsicle for my girlfriend oh do you have a girlfriend your cousin doesn't count oh [ __ ] i don't think we're related because she doesn't sound like me she sounds a lot like him and she points at preston what wait what does that mean like she's not like my accent what does that mean she sounds like kind of like that but like a girl okay yeah she's like like you said what does that mean she's more like what does that mean you know okay so maybe you date someone that goes to my school do you know her name i i hope you hope you know her name you are dating her no no she's a bit older what is this [ __ ] school you go to anyways hogwarts no no this isn't some [ __ ] preston what's your mom's name hold on let me look at my cat this is where the funny happens this is where we're doing we're doing it this early clarissa smirks because she knows she just stirred up some [ __ ] michelle it's what her name is michelle why what a coincidence that's my girlfriend's name preston's face it's like do you know do you know her are you are you dating my mom i want to say dating no no she never mentioned a kid i don't want to be a step dad you know she's married too it's my dad so is my girlfriend [Laughter] that's so weird and then like dex just turns back towards the riddles and rhymes as soon as dex turns back scott's already there and like ready to do riddles and rhymes because he's not paying attention to any of that [ __ ] you walk up to this goblin uh whoever's playing that's me so son are you ready to test your wits whatever what what's the riddles they're riddles three solve them and you will be rewarded time existed before me but history can only begin after my creation time existed before me but history can only begin after my creation and in front of you on the table is a single book is it like the ability to record things you're not too far off so like books and [ __ ] is it a book is is the book the answer i start poking the book oh this is not the answer what is within the book is the answer i know i know pick me i i i i turned i turned to preston preston yeah preston right [Laughter] it's hard to hold it sometimes right you're right i don't know i'm sorry i'm british oh hey hey preston preston what do you what do you what do you think it is oh well i think it's i think it's um writing like the [ __ ] like the physical ability to to write god [ __ ] gotcha hey is it is it writing is it the ability to write things down good yes i'm not gonna lie i was literally feeling that one are you ready for your second test uh yeah yeah what's uh what's the second one some are cherished some are hated and even if lost they remain with you memories i was just about to say memories i need harder riddles i need harder fiddles alrighty are you ready for your final riddle uh yeah your mother is an orc your father is a dwarf what are you dork i was about to say that [ __ ] a door it's a dork good he hands you a medal of merit so when you win these competitions you are given a medal of merit you have the medal of wit cool does that like do anything or you can press this metal to your temple as an action doing so gives an advantage on intelligence checks and intelligence saving throws for one hour once this property has been used it can't be used again and the metal becomes non-magical okay so as an action i can use it i can press it to my forehead and what happens i gain advantage on what intelligence checks and intelligent saving throws for one hour i'll also end up writing this down and probably sending it to you it's all good i'm writing it down right now what's up everyone it's baron and luke from the encounter table and we just wanted to drop in and see a huge thank you to our friends over at buzz bro oh yeah dude i remember when you first came to me with the idea of starting the show and we were super pumped but you really had no idea where the hell even start with a podcast yeah that's uh that's pretty important huh but you know what thankfully the good folks over at bus sprout want to see you succeed in giving the world exactly what it needs another podcast when you click the link in the episode description that lets the people over at buzzsprout know that we here at the encounter table sent you and they'll give you a 20 amazon gift card just for signing up like they're practically giving you money just just start a podcast i mean yeah that's that's pretty wild so if you want to start up a podcast and get 20 bucks while you're at it then click the link in the episode description to get started with buzz sprout today now back to the show so the first contest congratulations you've won now there are six more you do not have to play them all but if you wish you can play as many as you'd like there's best pies in the jumble one shot solution the eiffel on plunge call the arms wet walks and hurting the horizons scott's gonna look up at god and be like okay i played your game okay [ __ ] go home now hello the game is only just beginning my child okay where do we go from here then wherever the game takes you boy shouldn't there be like a marker on our map or some [ __ ] what map i don't that's what games normally have especially like open world rpgs they have a map that shows you where to go sometimes the map is only revealed by exploring the world oh my god is this some elden ring [ __ ] that we're in do you play other ring too yeah it's it's all right what kind of ring is elden ring it's a video game no mate huh at last you stay out of this god didn't need to make it so personal i bet you're all made in this i'm really ducks isn't it i mean i true we are not done talking about this by the way this needs to be resolved at some point what's a maiden preston's mom clarissa just smirks mischievously because she loves stirring the pot uh may i okay guys i'm gonna suggest i'm gonna suggest maybe we find like a tavern or something like i don't know figure out what the story is here well we're not of age to drink we're in a video game it doesn't matter listen no no you don't have to drink listen to me this is this is like a fantasy place right yeah you have coties okay so maybe we shouldn't be normal walking in there like how do you mean i wouldn't necessarily call this normal like we should all sound a lot more like preston i mean i talked normally to this guy i gesture the real guy i'm like i've been talking normally to this guy and he hasn't batted an eye okay well you could do that but i'm gonna go on i'm gonna go in in disguise as a disgust what the [ __ ] are you on about dude just trust me no i think i think i'm just gonna walk in there especially since i'm not going to listen to someone who's banging my mother [Laughter] yeah i'm with preston on this yeah let's just walk in somewhere let's find a tavern i'm not gonna go with you guys in i'm just gonna why not a little ways behind you guys you don't know any more about this world that we do it's fine it's fine just let her do everything she's weird it's all good so she makes fun of my mother and then she doesn't follow the plan she has a recipe for disaster lads i'm telling you so you walk into the nearest tavern everybody is quite uh excited and celebrating the festivities of the town uh i'm gonna go up to the bar hello i am lillian pompeo on a crutch what the hell are you doing is that what i sound like everybody kind of i come here from my far away land this guy so as you do that delights and goodies as you do that the large orc behind the tavern behind the bar just looks at you funny you talk weird son no ryodo saying i'm weird in my own bar oh his his accent is just so funny to listen to i am this boy's step daddy i stopped laughing and i need assistance all right listen here you you homewrecker you you're grounded my accent and you can i i guess you banged my mother but you could not announce it to a room full of strangers that is what i draw the line oh my gosh so as you two are arguing the barkeep walks up to you kind of grabs you both by the scruff of your neck now you two listen here oh sorry i need to put the voice back on you too stop arguing and get out of my bar you're ruining the atmosphere for the rest of my patrons wait i i didn't mean to i just wanted to show my baby boy i punched dex in the face [Laughter] as you punch him the park keep just kind of like i want to thank you for that it picks you both up and holds you at like the same arm's length as you two are just swinging in the air at each other and you do this for a little bit until the bar keep kind of gets fed up and knocks both your heads together stop it thank you you're very strong what do you want you just want to know what's what's what's going on it's a show bye baby boy a good time is more in pain he's like too in pain than no i love him so dearly could you two help us well of course it's the festival god told me to come here who's god the man who speaks really loud uh he's the person who told me to come here but not the fun kind of [ __ ] that is reserved for this boy's mother oh god what is his mom one of those wenches i that is a truck piece guys she just goes by michelle this this is getting out of hand you need to stop disrespecting my mother or there will be consequences but she likes it i literally have tears in my eyes oh no so at this point you just kind of get thrown out the door by the barking now look what you did he looks back he looks back at scott and clarissa no scott has used his gamer boy essence to try and like blend in with the crowd essentially that's actually one of my abilities i have advantage on stealth roles or not advantage i'm proficient with them okay so i'm gonna like try to sneak into the crowd uh that is a 13. just turns around anybody else need to be thrown out today should be a celebratory occasion just crickets good qriket back to your drinks enjoy your day clarissa's going to saunter up to the uh the bar keeper hey uh what can i do what can i do for a little less i was wondering if you could get me something strong and uh maybe let me know a little bit about this town well this is jagaow lovely little town plenty of orcs and goblins if you're into that currently we're having the festival of merit i like to explore my options as he's pouring you a point of ale are there windows to this tavern yes this one preston is pressed off directly against one just like trying to pee inside see what's going on you know also i'm not gonna lie that dude that's like staring in the window right now he just won't leave me alone that is he yells through he's like that is not true whatever she's saying she's lying [Laughter] don't trust her she's a witch it's more he's got mommy issues or something like that wipe down my boy you all heard it that is [ __ ] my mother who does that [Music] the barkeep pipes up what's wrong with witches my mom was i'm sure your mother was lovely but this girl she's made this boy's mother is also lovely i can't i can't attest she's not she's not nice she won't even let people have a gum for free who does that he he walks over and just kind of shudders the window walks back anyway we were having a conversation about the festival of merit yeah can you tell me a little bit more about this festival she was just gonna flutter her eyelashes a little bit of course i can every year the strongest the smartest the best get together and they compete to become the champions for a year bragging rights rewards it's a good time and say where would one go to get equipment for this festival if they were interested in partaking uh equipment i don't really need that okay so how do you take part in it well there's the call to arms that's strength hand that hand best plays in the jumble my favorite game oh that i get silver spoon she makes the best meat pies in town just gotta eat them fast i know what kind of pie this boy's mother likes and then he like next closes the door again i i tackle him not not like to do any serious damage but now we're just like tussling outside it's you take that back it would appear that there's a fight going on outside yeah probably i don't really care well i think maybe my acquaintance and she's gonna point at uh travis she's gonna like pause for a second yeah my um acquaintance i guess uh i think he'd like a drink too actually you're gonna buy for him well you see we're not that acquaintancey i guess of course i was just gonna grab her drink and kind of slink away from the uh the bar top all right so as you do that are you you're just gonna go meet up with travis yeah scott it's scott travis thank you very much what do you guys wish to talk about or end or do so travis it sounds like there's some kind of festival going on right now who told you my last name it sounds like there's like a parade or something going on in town right now maybe we should like i don't know looking at that a little bit more maybe we can get some information about how to get the hell out of this nightmare i'm hoping we can find something soon none of this sounds like any sort of game that i've played before like normally there's some sort of great adventure you got to go on or some [ __ ] like that but we're just in a town with a turtle and a festival like i don't know it's weird yeah i don't i don't i don't know about games i just i'm more familiar with wednesdays we wear pink uh i don't know some of more advanced entertainment i guess you could say but it's fine yeah okay anyways um sure let's talk around this festival i guess see if we can find anything interesting maybe we should get those boneheads outside though because i think they might be fighting you know what why don't you uh why don't you see if you can't sneak those two back in here i got an idea i have to sneak them in yeah you're going to sneak them back in and cause a distraction [Music] okay because like if we're gonna i i whisper i whisper at clarissa i'm like because if we're gonna you know get around here maybe get some information we might want some cash to help with that excuse me because i'm 90 sure this and i pull out like a 20 out of my wallet i'm my 90 sure this is useless here you know what i mean i don't know like what kind of distraction should i do just bring those two idiots back in here and let them cause a ruckus then the bartender will take care of them and while he's doing that i'll go behind the counter and see if i can't find any coins or whatever they use here for currency okay corso's gonna slam the rest of her drink down on the table and she's gonna look at uh travis and if you touch this i'll take one of your fingers so probably just don't do that thanks and she's just gonna like saunter away in her boots jesus lady holy cow so she's gonna saunter towards the door in her boots and kind of take a glance back at the bar keep to make sure that he's not like watching her so he's not watching you currently so clarissa's gonna open the door and quickly run up to them because she's gonna hesitantly grab each of them by the shoulder and be like all right guys we're going in and just kind of like turn tail and just like drag them in afterwards big bad man scary he might hurt us even more than he did the first time so as soon as those two come through the threshold see the barkeep i told you to get out of here hey what the [ __ ] is you talking about i'm not that i'm not with him anymore i don't know him he just that was a lillian bumper nickel he's a real bad dude i work for him though uh my name is uh yeah yeah as uh as soon as the bartender walks towards them i'm gonna try to sneak around the counter and also i'm [ __ ] this kid's mom okay so roll me a stealth check stealth i am a trooper at stealth oh my god we don't have the rogue doing stealth checks nope you got the druid that is a 15 plus six that's a 21 baby whoa so you you you just walk you walk right behind the counter nobody seems to realize that you're not supposed to be there uh and you grab 42 gold no no sorry i meant i meant to say 42 oh no you can't take it back you can't take it back damn it all right all right i'll say 10 gold all right all right i'll take it hell yeah all right i snatch the coins then i uh just casually walk back around and like just try to walk out without being noticed all right and you you leave the tavern so as i was saying when i first met this kid's mom had so bartender backhands both of you oh i didn't do anything this time clarissa's gonna grab her cup and give herself a quick refill as she's watching this fight that was not necessary i was cooperating the bar keeper doesn't say anything he just points at both you guys are you shooting us like dogs treat you like a dog if you don't get out yeah i drink this guy's [ __ ] mom all right i'm leaving i just want to be around him scott and clarissa are you leaving yeah yeah back out in the street what do you wish to do all right you use guys what are we doing next stop talking like that please for the love of god just stop okay so apparently there's like a festival going on around here they're celebrating something uh i guess we just gotta like split up and search for clues gang i do like a half-hearted like fist bump in the air this this feels weird i don't i don't like anything about this i've never been a part of a team before but it is quite nice i really think we should split up no that's okay hands in the middle oh i mean it's all in all right he thinks teamwork makes the dream work he looks around and he goes butt eaters on three one two three [ __ ] off clarissa pulls her hand back like i do not want to see be associated with ears we are not we're not your band dude we're not your band no that's not happening hey but in this world it doesn't have to be about a band yeah i think we should split up into twos because we don't really know the town that that is a good idea that seems safe i think dex and preston should go together i think that's a great idea i think that is a real bad idea and i really don't want to be alone with him i will take my stepson i hate i hate both of you i hope you know that i think they just really need some quality bonding time no no we don't you you need to stop doing this putting those in these situations that make me physically and mentally upset uh so what's the parties i okay i think actually like in all seriousness guys we should probably stick together i agree just to be safe we got some weird things running around here and i really don't want to have to mess with any of them when i'm by myself i mean i feel like you could take care of yourself just the way you threw us under the bus you'd be fine survival of the first and whatnot hey hey you guys being under the bus gave us enough money to buy a bus and i gesture to the gold coins that i snatched out of the tavern did you steal those so it did work but not thieves read them and weep i mean hey we need money somehow as you're all discussing a crowd begins to form over at a booth and you see a tall orc woman holding multiple meat pies in her hands like each hand she's got like four of these suckers yo what's up with that tall orcish lady she's got like a lot of meat pies over there gather round everybody time to eat some pies who's gonna compete oh i guess we're doing this uh i mean i am kind of hungry okay preston you're up oh oh wait oh okay yep you volunteered go ahead i did i just said i was a little hungry they don't look divine so as you walk forward the savory scent of meat pastry and spices fill the air around a three-story building mounted on the back of a gigantic tortoise a cooking stand in a festival stage with long tables are set up at the tortoise's feet where an orc stands over a massive oven she bustles from the oven to the stage and back placing delicious looking hand pies at each seat and stacking more of them on the cooling rack nearby people already gathered on a stage including a scrolling young human with a mop of brown hair and a scruffy beard as you approach the orc the orc calls out in a melodic baritone come to sample the best meat pies in this side of the wastes yes i sell them for meals up there but i'm running pie eating contests down here all day they do look divine how does the competition work if you got an orc sized stomach you eat that's it yeah it costs five silver pieces to enter this contest i look back at uh scott and i was like are you sure you want to do this it costs money uh what do you guys think what's the prize uh five server paces do we do we even have that much uh what's the conversion rate i don't really know [ __ ] that's the cost but what's the prize i turned back to the orc ladies oh what would one gold piece get us we're bad at math um one gold piece that's ten silver pieces great that's that's wonderful um can how many people can participate in this challenge well as many as you like i turned back as i i was like for one gold pace one of you are doing this with me hmm it seems like it'd be a really good bonding moment yes i'll take this down oh god so as dex approaches the stage hands the orc agath one gold piece he has promptly handed back six silver pieces thank you kindly sir take a seat you all sit down now that's how it's gonna work you're competing against three other people and it's gonna require constitution checks okay so be aware of your constitution get a d20 ready [ __ ] why'd y'all pick me i'm bad at those is everybody ready ready all righty now three two one eight i'm gonna need y'all to make a uh well i need you two to make me a constitution throw okay oh my god i got an 11. otto could i make a a uh a proposition to you okay rather than eating these pies could decks either use uh like deception or slide of hand to just like hide them jesus christ like like stuff his like his hoodie and pants pool i'll let you try that's never a good your dc is gonna be a little bit higher okay so roll a slight a hand check all right oh baby oh baby hot dice isn't that 20 plus eight [ __ ] so uh what does the 28 give me all right so you are gonna successfully put let's say two of these pies into your jacket everyone successfully eats their first pie make another roll for them and write down two rations for later you are slow chaps you're so slow a ten but hold on i okay so i don't know if i had specified this before but in the intro i did mention that preston is uh magical in the chaotic sense and what that means is that he is his like focus is wild magic and at level one he gets tides of chaos which is and i quote you can i know what types of chaos is so yeah you can manipulate the forces of chance and chaos to gain advantage on one attack rule ability check or saving through once you do so you must finish the long rest before you use this feature again at any time before you regain the use of this feature the dm can have you roll on the wild magic surge table immediately after you catch the source your spelling so i'm gonna help you out buddy you you passed this one really yes huh so both of you successfully complete your second and third pie the other two oh yeah i should probably say my next roll yes i got a 19 plus eight all right roll again for me hey it's a 16 baby all righty so you're successful on your third pie one more time clarissa's gonna look over at scott and be like what is he doing i i don't know michael i'd like apply i would like to apply my tides of chaos thing oh god bless i love it i really want to okay do it on that [ __ ] i got 13. you pass dex how about you i got a 10 plus 8 18. god damn [ __ ] you both how many pies have you shoved away in your sweatshirt by now at this point four [Laughter] one more time i have five thirteen i got thirteen again i'm rolling thirteens a lot no whammy no way no whammy ooh five plus eight thirteen already so like father like son i do say however because he rolled so high he did stuff away another pie so it would appear that dex is the winner of the best pies in town now you are given you are given a medal of merit and you guessed it it's in the shape of a pie baby now a that young man walks up to you i hide it in my hoodie okay that's good that young man walks up to you introducing himself that's a good competition there bud i mean not really you lost well you got to be fair sport my name is irvin irvin wastewalker hi irvin hello well good luck to you and i will see you later okay and then texas leaves as you as he as he's walking away he meets up with somebody else and just goes they're kind of awkward over there i don't know i'm gonna see i'm gonna steal clear from those guys all right so congratulations you won that one and you have five pies yeah right to write that down in your inventory five rations yes oh i want to see i'm writing that down baby and canonically these are like the best meat pies right because that girl like is like a grape chef or something i mean would you know you didn't eat any of them yeah uh preston how are the pies but i'm very full but they were delightful all right so as you travel down your way you have oh also auto what is that uh what does that metal do that's a great question let me you gain two d4 plus two temporary hit points when you use an action to press the metal to your mouth once this property has been used it cannot be used again and the metal becomes non-magical while magical the metal is slightly warm to the touch as if it's fresh from the oven and smells faintly of baked pie crust as you're walking down the street you have two more opportunities immediately there is the one shot solution or the call to arms well i i feel if i move anymore i'm going to explode so i say we stop at one of these and see what they're all about uh uh clarissa you're the only one that hasn't done anything yet you want to try one of these um you approach a brick building with a sign that reads beef slab butchers a simple terrible and two chairs have been set up outside both chairs are currently occupied by people wearing the armor of the aurora watch their elbows braced against the table and their hands locked in an arm wrestling duel two dozen festival goers watch them silently until slam the occupant of the left chair pushes his opponent's arm to the table and the crowd erupts in whoops and cheers do you wish to compete this team is right up your alley closer you seem like the type to enjoy this sort of thing yeah text kind of like nudges clarissa forward fine i'll do it alrighty so you face off against a tall orcish woman and as you sit at your ben at your table you're greeted by maggie keen eyes a large orc hello little lady what brings you to these parts of town oh you know the festival suppose same as the rest of us so shall we begin yeah let's do it as you brace your arms against the table and grip hands her hand's very large and completely envelops yours cold to the touch yet kinda sweaty hmm i'm gonna need you to make a athletic check okay oh real quick otto yes could i attempt to assist clarissa how um i want to walk up to the uh the big uh sexy hot workish woman i'm so happy you said that and i'm gonna like kind of whisper in her ear and just be like hey if i if you throw this game we'll give you 50 gold what and i'm gonna roll deception because i am pure bullshitting go ahead and give that a try nine plus eight so 17. she looks up at you kind of growls through a grin fine sweetheart i come to collect though you roll the what eleven as soon as that happens she looks at you clarissa you ready yeah let's do it go and as she says go you are met with some slight resistance but you find no trouble at all pushing her hand to the table and you are victorious yeah jackie's like pretending to be so excited like oh my god did you all see that that was quite impressive uh yeah good good job so maggie now this is barren to the rest of the party we totally just need to like break all these games right this is [ __ ] clean house i have a i have a plus eight to slight of hand and deception we can win [ __ ] casino rules baby so as maggie stands away from the table another tall orc sits down [ __ ] hello hello i'm meryl you ready for this yeah you seem like the uh hey you want to lose right you seem like a fun character how about we make this a little bit more interesting oh so sounds like a very mischievous merc well she's gonna pat dex and arm since he seems to like to get involved in my games how about we put him up on the uh the betting table oh beat me and you can yeah spend the day with him and do whatever you will with him yeah like we can go shopping play games puzzles i [ __ ] with puzzles watch out he will [ __ ] your mother from first-hand experience [Laughter] i suppose so and what do you want in return i don't know you could punch him in the face just beat the [ __ ] out of him [ __ ] five gold pieces if you win seven and it's a deal no you just said if you win yeah i won't wait yeah no no she's right i just got swindled by otto i want seven oh wait oh i was thinking auto try getting her to be like you pay seven gold pieces if you win ducks shut the [ __ ] up sounds like a deal sweetheart looks over at uh dex you're coming home with me tonight for what i got plenty of chores you're gonna shovel some [ __ ] boy turns back to you you ready for this i was bored ready for this [Music] go all right i'm gonna need you to roll a athletics check seventeen okay so you are met with heavy resistance at first yet you are still able to inch the hand closer and closer to your victory and then after a couple moments have passed you are victorious all strengths seem to have left this woman she stands up fine pulls out some coins throws it on the table some scattering onto the ground thanks sweetie i'm leaving thank you nice to meet you and then another individual walks up to you and places a medal upon your neck this metal is a bronze cut color sorry an ebony color and it's shamed like a flexing arm this is the metal of muscle it's not fake is it i wouldn't want it to tarnish on my skin no it's not fake you can squeeze this metals tightly in your in the palm of your hand as an action during so doing so gives you advantage on strength checks and strength saving throws for one hour once this property has been used it can't be used again and the metal becomes non-magical holy [ __ ] that's dope yeah that one's kind of [ __ ] op that's wild advantage and strength a little advantage and strength checks for an hour cool yeah and saving throws like that that's pretty that's pretty damn good so the sun is beginning to set you have not completed all the competitions but that's fine as the sun begins to set you begin to hear bells go off in the distance as everybody starts starts to kind of congregate into the middle of town do you wish to follow them sure yeah alright good you had no choice [Laughter] so actually otto i think we'll leave yeah no [ __ ] you uh you remember that thing we were talking about earlier the no period yeah that's that fun railroad [ __ ] let's go that's what i'm talking about baby on the stage stands two elderly looking orcs clearly of higher status in the town wearing some quite fine drab this stage is on the back verizon back tortoise and there are some like old soap boxes on it the more prominent looking of the orcs kind of shimmies his way on top even though he looks like he's like 500 years old an elderly orc dressed in deep blue robes stands atop a platform of crates he smiles at the crowd mario warriors brilliant strategists you have impressed us with your feats of strength your incisive wit and your sturdy bellies but the main event as you know is yet to come only two teams will be chosen to compete in the final challenge a race through the emerald grotto in the depths of which the greatest prize awaits so as the elders begin kinda murmuring to themselves and pointing here and there at the different people they are choosing and one of those fingers just happens to come your way two teams teams are chosen a team of four weird-looking adventurers who are clearly not from this bit of town you are chosen and you're asked to stand upon the stage you're rejected to stay on the left part of the stage another team is chosen a team of five amongst them is a half elf a human that you've seen before a tall orcish woman who you have seen before oh you've seen these people hey remember that orc you promised 50 gold yeah you may have [ __ ] up a little bit chief also with them is a tiefling a half elf and a goblin i don't know if i mentioned that half lpf so you are named the competitors for the final competition no we're the butt eaters oh my god no god no scott looks up at the sky and he's sort of like is this is this what we're supposed to do is this part of your game is this like what we're gonna yeah no maybe no answer all right [ __ ] you too all right whatever the audience cheers and wishes you luck as you prepare to receive your instructions dex is gonna pull out his phone and uh text preston's mom and just say hey dot dot dot gonna be late [Music] [Applause] [Music] oh [Music] [Applause] [Music] hey thanks for checking out our inaugural episode of the encounter table this project has been super fun to work on and we are so excited to finally put it in your hands or ears rather if you want to get this show ad free gain access to tons of other shows commentaries videos and more or you know if you just love us head over to patreon.com forward slash the encounter table pod that's patreon.com forward slash the encounter tablepod you can check the episode description for all links that you may want to find and please do us a favor with this and drop us a 5 star rating you know go ahead and give us a review and a follow while you're at it you know huge thank you to our patrons z voice russian panda 789 kitty meow meow 78 and elf herchu this show would literally not be possible without you my name is baron and i play dex luke godfrey as scott joe rejoice as preston jordan maker as clarissa and our dm is michael otto if you're a music enjoyer check out my stuff baby just search baron b-a-a-r-o-n wherever you get your music fixed now without further ado the encounter table episode 2 a water level that doesn't suck comes out july 6. all right love you bye what has two legs some major knockers and he's getting banged by this guy [Music] i'm gonna laugh my way through the pain of this