1
00:00:42,200 --> 00:00:47,300
Yeah.. Its about ten years ago when I lost 
my son tragically.

2
00:00:47,400 --> 00:00:52,200
And that just sent my life..my whole life 
upside down.

3
00:00:52,300 --> 00:00:57,700
And ummm.. I just could'nt cope with anything 
anymore becaus he was living with me

4
00:00:57,800 --> 00:01:05,300
and suddently he went out and then a phone 
call that, "your son has drowned".

5
00:01:05,400 --> 00:01:10,200
And it was a shock at first. And when I tried 
to go back to work I could not cope with 
work.

6
00:01:10,300 --> 00:01:15,100
Ummm..[HESITATION] Everything just went down 
hill

7
00:01:15,200 --> 00:01:25,400
ummm.. I work in a hospital and ummm.. I 
did night duty there and there was this little 
girl, she was beautiful

8
00:01:25,500 --> 00:01:33,800
And when..and when I think about it I feel 
so sad. you know? she was nine years old.

9
00:01:33,900 --> 00:01:47,600
And she came in into the hospital to have 
her tonsils out  and then after the anesthetices 
she coughed and flooded her lungs and she 
died.

10
00:01:47,700 --> 00:01:57,900
I was on my off day and when I came back, 
we asked where she was and they told us and 
that upset me so much because I have children 
you know.

11
00:01:58,000 --> 00:02:02,800
And I cope with depression for six months.

12
00:02:03,400 --> 00:02:18,800
I had what I now refer to as a nervous breakedown, 
which [HESITATION] took me to my last point 
ever and I couldn't handle anything, couldnt 
deal with anything

13
00:02:18,900 --> 00:02:23,700
and I was trying to make up my mind on what 
to do next

14
00:02:23,800 --> 00:02:31,800
Do I just run away?.. Do I make for BG gates..? 
do I go and live in a card board box under 
the Walton bridge?

15
00:02:31,900 --> 00:02:38,000
Well, I suffered umm.. what was a trauma 
from a breakup of a relationship. .

16
00:02:38,100 --> 00:02:41,500
And this wasnt recognized properly or at 
all.

17
00:02:41,600 --> 00:02:50,300
And instead of being treated of what i now 
know of after massive research of my behalf, 
should have been treated as Post Traumatic 
Stress.

18
00:02:50,400 --> 00:02:59,700
They treated me for some um made up quazy 
[HESITATION] diagnosis that they unfortunatley 
give to many people for more reasons best 
known to themselves.

19
00:02:59,800 --> 00:03:07,700
Of Bordeline Personality Disorder.[HESITATION] 
This is grossly untrue.

20
00:03:07,800 --> 00:03:17,500
My first panic attack happened when I was 
coming out of work one evening about 5:30.

21
00:03:17,600 --> 00:03:21,900
Umm.It would be very difficult to explain 
to people.

22
00:03:22,000 --> 00:03:26,800
Except for the fact that evething seemed 
to be suddently strange.

23
00:03:26,900 --> 00:03:34,000
My stomach was turning , my heart was pounding, 
and I was quite frightened to get on the 
bus.

24
00:03:34,100 --> 00:03:42,300
I managed to get on the bus and I just could 
not wait to get indoors and I just slumped 
on the bed.

25
00:03:42,400 --> 00:03:53,000
Yeah, my husban [HESITATION] he was suffereing 
from depresions and he had a bit of dementia 
as well

26
00:03:53,100 --> 00:04:01,300
But because I worked as a carer for a long 
time, I understand. I went on cosis,so i 
understant his illness.

27
00:04:01,400 --> 00:04:07,300
But he was nice to me, but at times because 
of his illnes he used to, you know, lose 
his temper.

28
00:04:07,400 --> 00:04:13,000
But I didnt mind, you know ? Because  I understand 
him and we were together for such a long 
time.

29
00:04:13,100 --> 00:04:17,900
So i do understand his illness and all that, 
you know?

30
00:04:18,000 --> 00:04:24,400
My marriage broke up and sales went bad and 
i had a big drinking problem

31
00:04:24,500 --> 00:04:29,300
And umm. the reason my marriage broke was 
because on the drniking

32
00:04:29,400 --> 00:04:34,200
The thee things came together. No job. No 
home. No wife.

33
00:04:34,300 --> 00:04:36,200
And I had a breakdown and that was my first 
breakdown.

34
00:04:36,300 --> 00:04:41,100
And I was admited to Bankstead hospital

35
00:04:41,200 --> 00:04:46,000
Which is one of those old Victorian places 
and I think i was there for six months.

36
00:04:46,100 --> 00:04:50,900
And I was diagnosed as Manic Depressive

37
00:04:51,000 --> 00:04:55,800
And which I beleive is now called Bipolar 
these days.

38
00:04:55,900 --> 00:05:00,700
In 1980 I heard that I was schizophrenic, 
diagnosed by a doctor.

39
00:05:00,800 --> 00:05:05,600
And umm she said, "we'll try one tablet, 
and see what, if that will do."

40
00:05:05,700 --> 00:05:10,500
You know? "And if not we will have to go 
by injection".

41
00:05:10,600 --> 00:05:12,800
Apperantly the tablets are doning its job.

42
00:05:12,900 --> 00:05:22,600
But if I dont take them, well then my hands 
shake and I cant hold anything up and my 
hands go really soft. And, you know what 
I mean?

43
00:05:22,700 --> 00:05:29,000
By at large most people are supportive and 
sympathetic.

44
00:05:29,100 --> 00:05:35,000
But there are some people who just wont speak 
to you anymore because you are a nut case.

45
00:05:35,100 --> 00:05:43,700
But [HESITATION] But there definitley is 
a stigma and people are afraid of mental 
health problems.

46
00:05:43,800 --> 00:05:55,000
In the Black-African community in particuler 
, mental health is seen as maybe a punishment

47
00:05:55,100 --> 00:05:59,000
For a sin or something you committed

48
00:05:59,100 --> 00:06:06,700
So, if you.. or even if a memeber of the 
family is diagnosed with a mental health 
issue, then the whole family is condemed.

49
00:06:06,800 --> 00:06:10,000
So it's a big issue in the Black-African 
community

50
00:06:10,100 --> 00:06:18,200
So, sadly people might have the problem but 
they dont even want to mention it to anybody 
because of that stigma.

51
00:06:18,300 --> 00:06:26,500
uhh.[HESITATION] So if there was an educational 
system whereby people like us...everybody 
can suffer from mental health.

52
00:06:26,600 --> 00:06:31,400
There are so many various parts, a whole 
spectrum

53
00:06:31,500 --> 00:06:38,800
of things that fall under mental health and 
maybe a majority of the population we do 
suffere from mental health from time to time.

54
00:06:38,900 --> 00:06:43,700
But becaus of this stigma, people are living 
in ignorance.

55
00:06:43,800 --> 00:06:49,100
And it is sad because if you have a mild 
mental health issue it can be handled very 
quickly.

56
00:06:49,200 --> 00:06:56,500
Well, I think recently more people are talking 
about it, especially in flocks.

57
00:06:56,600 --> 00:07:03,100
And umm.. I think I know more men that have 
been suffering depression

58
00:07:03,200 --> 00:07:09,200
But when I had mine, all those years ago 
uhh [HESITATION] it was a taboo subject.

59
00:07:09,300 --> 00:07:14,800
I think it improves you as a person if you've 
gone through this

60
00:07:14,900 --> 00:07:19,700
because you are more understanding to other 
people.

61
00:07:19,800 --> 00:07:24,600
And you are more able to talk to other people.

62
00:07:24,700 --> 00:07:31,300
And infact, now I feel no stigma towards 
talking about it.

63
00:07:31,400 --> 00:07:36,200
I dont mind telling my friends and acquaintances 
that

64
00:07:36,300 --> 00:07:41,100
I have depression, I'm mentally ill, I have 
got a touch of OCD that sort of thing.

65
00:07:41,200 --> 00:07:47,000
And then I could explain to them what that 
means in practical terms.

66
00:07:47,100 --> 00:07:55,600
And its not the same as being neurotic or 
being suicidal or any of those other things

67
00:07:55,700 --> 00:07:59,500
Its quite[HESITATION] quite different.

68
00:07:59,600 --> 00:08:03,900
There is a track record of stigma to mental 
health problems ,no question about it.

69
00:08:04,000 --> 00:08:08,800
I think that is beginning to lessen.

70
00:08:08,900 --> 00:08:13,700
ummm.. And I think perhaps its associated 
with the stigma that often coincidents that

71
00:08:13,800 --> 00:08:18,600
mental health services were always the cinderella 
even of the National Health Service

72
00:08:18,700 --> 00:08:23,500
You know ? They were.. they got less money 
than  other service like Acute Services for 
instance

73
00:08:23,600 --> 00:08:28,400
And I think up to a point that has changes 
as well.

74
00:08:28,500 --> 00:08:34,500
But in the current climate , I think mental 
health services will become the cinderella 
again..

75
00:08:34,600 --> 00:08:36,300
Because I dont see any way around it.

76
00:08:36,400 --> 00:08:46,900
I thought that having stopped drinking, my 
mental health problems would vanish, but 
they didn't.

77
00:08:47,000 --> 00:08:51,000
when I am depressed I don't do anything.

78
00:08:51,100 --> 00:08:55,900
I stay in bed for most of the day or I get 
up and watch television.

79
00:08:56,000 --> 00:08:58,900
All day, all morning, all afternoon, all 
night.

80
00:08:59,000 --> 00:09:03,200
I just go to the local shops for food.

81
00:09:03,300 --> 00:09:08,100
And if i've got a problem, I hide mostly, 
I switch the phone off so it doesn't ring.

82
00:09:08,200 --> 00:09:13,000
And you can't contact me when in in that 
condition.

83
00:09:13,100 --> 00:09:17,900
Because, I won't answer because the phones 
are off. It is pretty awful, really.

84
00:09:18,000 --> 00:09:22,800
Its been really difficult and I am currently, 
you Know?

85
00:09:22,900 --> 00:09:27,700
Having some help and I think that when you've 
had very longterm depression,

86
00:09:27,800 --> 00:09:36,200
Umm. it gets very difficult when you get 
older to learn how to change.

87
00:09:36,300 --> 00:09:42,400
And with the modern way of.. psychological 
way of dealing with these things, you know?,

88
00:09:42,500 --> 00:09:47,300
you have to do a lot of work yourself.

89
00:09:47,400 --> 00:09:49,900
And I find that really difficult.

90
00:09:50,000 --> 00:09:57,100
Coping with things is.. I think it's probably 
always going to be a problem for me.

91
00:09:57,200 --> 00:10:00,000
And I need more help than I get.

92
00:10:00,100 --> 00:10:07,400
I live alone, so there is no family or anyone 
to keep the pressure on everyday.

93
00:10:07,500 --> 00:10:17,000
And that means I can easily slide in into 
not looking after myself, letting things 
go, letting the flaque decline.

94
00:10:17,100 --> 00:10:25,100
[HESITATION]Umm forgeting to wash, wearing 
the same clothes for a month[laughter] that 
sort of thing.

95
00:10:25,200 --> 00:10:32,200
If im not meeting people, no one told me 
i should button myslef up, so I dont.

96
00:10:32,300 --> 00:10:35,300
And, that is a draw back.

97
00:10:35,400 --> 00:10:38,900
No, but then they explain to you what it 
is, you know?..

98
00:10:39,000 --> 00:10:43,800
what dementia means, you know?, that they 
get very forgetfull, You know?

99
00:10:43,900 --> 00:10:44,800
They dont know whats happening.

100
00:10:44,900 --> 00:10:53,000
Because one time I was coming from work, 
my husband was outside with a bag, in his 
pajama.

101
00:10:53,100 --> 00:10:56,000
So I said, " what you doing here?",he said 
"Oh, I'm going shopping".

102
00:10:56,100 --> 00:11:02,000
And it really hurt me because , you know? 
He was a very bright person he was well educated.

103
00:11:02,100 --> 00:11:06,100
And for him to do that.. And I said, " No, 
you are not going shopping, lets go home".

104
00:11:06,200 --> 00:11:11,800
Or sometimes he leaves the gas on and, you 
know? He dont even know.

105
00:11:11,900 --> 00:11:19,000
And sometimes the front door is open, and 
I have to go to work and you know?

106
00:11:19,100 --> 00:11:25,500
Eventually understand what was wrong with 
him and the same thing with depression. You 
know ?

107
00:11:25,600 --> 00:11:30,400
He talking about he dont want to live, he 
dont want to go on.

108
00:11:30,500 --> 00:11:35,300
And all that, you know? I am the one that 
put him through such a lot .

109
00:11:35,400 --> 00:11:40,200
And then the Doctor said, " Well Maybe you 
should be put on some pills".

110
00:11:40,300 --> 00:11:45,100
Umm.. But I thought," Why do I need pills?"

111
00:11:45,200 --> 00:11:50,000
"I'm not ill, its just that I am trying to 
cope with what has happened to me".

112
00:11:50,100 --> 00:11:54,900
ummm. So I said, "Look , I need a second 
opinion".

113
00:11:55,000 --> 00:12:00,700
So I went back and saw the second doctor 
who surprisingly..

114
00:12:00,800 --> 00:12:05,600
instead of prescribing medicine , started 
talking about life generaly.

115
00:12:05,700 --> 00:12:15,400
And then we had a great converstion about 
the human body, the human brain, and the 
human spirit.

116
00:12:15,500 --> 00:12:24,700
And then after all the conversation he said, 
" Okay , I am going to take a chance, well 
go practice some spiritualism for a while

117
00:12:24,800 --> 00:12:29,600
and if it doesnt work , come back and we 
will put you on some pills".

118
00:12:29,700 --> 00:12:34,500
I said, " Oh thank you , I like that.", and 
I went away.

119
00:12:34,600 --> 00:12:39,400
And surprise,surprise, I never had to take 
the pills.

120
00:12:43,900 --> 00:12:52,600
I should be getting some help from a care 
coordinater on the mental health team by 
a local authority,

121
00:12:52,700 --> 00:13:01,900
But they are over stretched and understaffed, 
and they dont have the resource for quiet 
and harmless people like me. [laughter]

122
00:13:02,000 --> 00:13:11,300
When they have much more urgent cases to 
look after. So I tend not to get as much 
care as I think I need.

123
00:13:11,400 --> 00:13:13,100
But I'll just have to live with it.

124
00:13:13,200 --> 00:13:25,400
Even after seven attempts of suicide,there 
was almost no help after serious, very serious 
suicide attempts.

125
00:13:25,500 --> 00:13:33,100
The psychologist who I saw once a week for 
six weeks was extreemly helpfull.

126
00:13:33,200 --> 00:13:40,700
And she pointed out , " when you are depressed 
you are only think about all the worse things 
you are."

127
00:13:40,800 --> 00:13:48,400
But she was making me realizes that I did 
have the odd good points. And over time I 
realized I wasn't such a bad person ofter 
all.

128
00:13:48,500 --> 00:14:00,500
I dont really think that depression is something 
that has taking a hold of the National Health 
Service.

129
00:14:00,600 --> 00:14:04,100
Just because there are so many people with 
it.

130
00:14:04,200 --> 00:14:14,500
I feel that the best way of helping one another 
is to maybe be in groups where you just discuse 
your problems and whats happening.

131
00:14:14,600 --> 00:14:24,500
And somebdy may suddently say, "Oh well I 
have that" or "I have this", and that, I 
feel is more of a help.

132
00:14:24,600 --> 00:14:32,900
The doctor said that he can help me but I 
have got to do it as well.

133
00:14:33,000 --> 00:14:42,700
So, he told me to go out, look into the shops, 
don't stay in and I did what he said, I cooperate.

134
00:14:43,600 --> 00:14:49,900
Hello? Hello. Come in. Im fine thank you. 
Good, come in.

135
00:14:50,000 --> 00:14:56,900
How are you ? Im fine, thank you. Come have 
a seat. Its cold outside isn't it? Its very, 
very cold.

136
00:14:57,000 --> 00:14:59,900
Would you like a cup of tea? Not right now.

137
00:15:00,000 --> 00:15:06,600
So many people suffer from mental health 
and sometimes people dont even think of it 
as mentally .

138
00:15:06,700 --> 00:15:08,800
They just say, "Oh the person is depressed".

139
00:15:08,900 --> 00:15:13,700
And, but depression is a mental health problem.

140
00:15:13,800 --> 00:15:30,200
And umm, because of that you can always see 
people going within themselves and not really 
coming out and talking and saying  what is 
happening in their lives.

141
00:15:30,300 --> 00:15:33,500
An unless you know , you can't really do 
anything to help.

142
00:15:33,600 --> 00:15:41,400
But then as mental health champions , we 
try to go in and help in whatever way we 
can.

143
00:15:41,500 --> 00:15:57,000
I think one of the most important things 
for any form of unwellness is that as service 
users patients have to be involved in the 
design of the serivces.

144
00:15:57,100 --> 00:16:06,100
From early on, in the planning and in the 
delivery and in the monitoring .

145
00:16:06,200 --> 00:16:20,200
Since[HESITATION] I've entered what I call 
recovery umm, I am getting out more, meeting 
more people and talking to more people.

146
00:16:20,300 --> 00:16:22,800
Im begining to take up hobbies.

147
00:16:22,900 --> 00:16:32,300
Being active, I think is very inportant for 
both physical and mental health. So that 
is what i am doing about with myself.

148
00:16:32,400 --> 00:16:43,800
We did a little play, I dont know if you 
saw it, and that was quite good becasue I 
enjoy drama/acting. I like to do something.

149
00:16:43,900 --> 00:17:00,300
Anyone that has had depression must insist 
on themselves that they do things, keep active 
, even if it is only doing the washing up 
or painting the carbert.

150
00:17:00,400 --> 00:17:05,900
Inactivity is what depression breads on, 
in my opinion.

151
00:17:06,000 --> 00:17:13,100
I think you have to be prepared to go to 
your GP and talk openly about it.

152
00:17:13,200 --> 00:17:14,700
Thats the first thing.

153
00:17:14,800 --> 00:17:20,300
And if you possibly can; talk openly to people 
who are close to you.

154
00:17:20,400 --> 00:17:30,000
You know ? Thats really important for support 
and to be prepared to take up whatever is 
offered to you.

155
00:17:30,100 --> 00:17:34,900
Umm. But it is also very important to keep 
physically active.

156
00:17:35,000 --> 00:17:38,900
To try and be active in the community if 
you can.

157
00:17:39,000 --> 00:17:43,800
Make a contribution, it help your self-esteem

158
00:17:43,900 --> 00:17:55,000
Eat well, healthily, and just try and keep 
intouch with people, don't isolate your self 
and don't let yourself become isolated, i 
think that is very important

159
00:17:55,100 --> 00:18:03,800
I'm very kean on promoting the positive aspects 
of mental health , because there are a great 
number of them.

160
00:18:03,900 --> 00:18:11,000
And you get poeple like steven froid who 
is on Tv and says, " I am manic depresive".He 
is not ashamed of it and there is no need 
to be ashamed of it.

161
00:18:11,100 --> 00:18:16,100
And you know ? There is no need to be ashamed 
of it. Its like having measles to me.

162
00:18:16,200 --> 00:18:21,000
Anyone can get mentaly ill.

163
00:18:21,100 --> 00:18:27,000
Mental health has made no difference at all. 
I mean i'm still the same man as I was before 
any illness.

164
00:18:27,100 --> 00:18:40,400
But I love doing alot of singing in my life. 
I mean it has given me a boost up. I mean 
I couldnt sit indoors and watch[UNKNOWN WORD]i've 
got tv but some programs on there are rubish.

165
00:18:40,500 --> 00:18:45,300
But i'm out most of the day , talking to 
people and stuff like that.

166
00:18:45,400 --> 00:19:04,900
[SINGING]

167
00:19:00,100 --> 00:19:04,900
[SINGING]

168
00:19:05,000 --> 00:19:09,800
A round of applause is worth a million anti-depressents.[applause]