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This episode of Musical Hell is brought to 
you by Midnight Musicals. Welcome to the 
musical podcast underground.

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And by Cafe Himbo cookbooks. Celebrating 
his 10th anniversary. Thank you.

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Greetings, mortals. Welcome to another session 
of the infernal court in Musical Hell.

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I'm Diva, your judge, jury, executioner, 
and stranger in a strange land.

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Bollywood is an area of cinema I don't know 
a whole lot about but kinda wish I did.

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The reasons should be obvious.

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Music is deeply ingrained in Indian film 
to the point

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that songs from movies  are a significant 
portion of the country's popular music.

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And while the performances of these songs 
are distinctly different

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from what we might find in an American-style 
book musical,

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their aesthetic has influenced musical sequences 
in several Hollywood films.

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There's clearly a rich history and culture 
here,

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and the thought of diving into it is somewhat 
intimidating.

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I do know one thing, though.

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Our next offender, Basmati Blues, is a very 
bad place to start.

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This 2017 mostly direct-to-stream movie has 
been promoted as a love letter to the Bollywood 
musical.

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A claim I find suspicious, as neither producer 
Monique Caufield

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nor director-writer Dan Baron

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nor co-writer Jeff Dorchen

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had actually seen a Bollywood movie prior 
to making this.

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I have dealt with many passion projects that 
have gone wrong,

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but this may be the first time I've seen 
the exact opposite of one.

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Filming began in 2013 with a then-relatively 
unknown Brie Larson in the lead role,

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but was cut short due to the onset of monsoon 
season in India,

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forcing the filmmakers to raise more money 
to do a reshoot two years later.

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By the time the release rolled around,

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Larson had an Oscar and a spot in the Marvel 
stable to her name.

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So the producers were probably hoping on 
her increased clout to carry the film.

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Instead, they ran into a huge backlash as 
the trailer unleased a flood of yikes

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for what looked to be a superficial story 
laden with cultural stereotypes

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and a white savior narrative.

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Which ... well, we must examine the case 
of Basmati Blues to weigh those accusations.

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The movie begins with a cheap CGI space flythrough

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that makes me wonder if I've taken a wrong 
turn into a Neil Green project.

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And apart from a few sitar and drum riffs,

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the music isn't putting me in mind of India.

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It's more like something you'll hear in the 
lower eschelons of Christian pop.

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This may be understandable, as it's revealed 
Brie Larson is listening

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to this Inspiromatic 2000 composition while 
doing lab work.

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LARSON [singing]: There's a time for letting 
go.

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DIVA: Larson plays Dr. Linda Watt, who works 
with her father Eric,

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for a company called Mogil.

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Which, as far as suspicious company names 
go,

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ranks just below Mega Evil Malicious Villainy, 
Inc.

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Dad's exposition-heavy Skype call lets us 
know

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that the two of them have been working on 
the genetically modified Rice 9,

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which has proven super successful and is 
being introduced to farmers in India

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and they're getting new research funding 
and also Linda's dead mom would be so proud.

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DARK HELMET: Everybody got that? Good!

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DIVA: All of this has Linda feeling good 
about herself in an upbeat opening number 
kind of way.

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[various background noises]

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DIVA: What are you doing? Stop that!

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Sin #1 is the opening number, "All Signs 
Point to Yes."

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I hate it when a trope I normally enjoy gets 
used terribly, as is the case here.

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This is *not* how you do found percussion.

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There is way too much going on.

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Look at "Cell Block Tango."

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It starts with a dripping faucet, then a 
footstep, then drumming fingernails,

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now the tango rhythm is coming through,

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and by the time the lyrics start in,  we've 
got a good beat going.

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Nothing too complicated.

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But here we've got crickets chirping and 
doves cooing and some kind of oat-coffee 
thing

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and traffic and sirens and would you all 
quiet down so I can hear the music?!

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Not that there's much worth hearing.

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The song is trying to paint Linda as a quirky, 
loveable, visionary go-getter.

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But it makes her feel like a bad knockoff 
of Anna from Frozen.

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LINDA [singing]: All sings point to yes! 
Yes! Yes!

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DIVA: At the Mogil lab, company executive 
Evelyn is talking up Rice 9 to the press.

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It resists drought and pests and has as many 
nutrients as a steak dinner

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and probably also cleans your car and juliennes 
fries.

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All well and good, but of course the obviously 
evil corporation

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has evil doings afoot in its obviously evil 
boardroom.

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GURGON: Movie time, gentlemen.

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DIVA: Well, no wonder the corporation is 
evil. It's run by President Snow.

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Mogil CEO Gurgon is eager to corner the rice 
market in India,

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but there have been stumbling blocks.

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Apart from those gosh-darn Indians not being 
too interested in white people

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coming in and telling them how to cultivate 
a crop

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they've been growing for about five millenia 
now,

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their sales rep has been getting drunk and 
sleeping with politicians' wives

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and generally bad PR all around.

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So Gurgon makes the smart business decision

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of just suggesting a new rep at random from 
his highly-surveilled employees.

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INTERVIEWER: Isn't it true you created this 
just so Mogil could patent and own it?

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LINDA: No, we created it to help farmers 
all over the world.

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DIVA: Yes, Linda is young, pretty, and innocently 
believes that her work

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is in the service of the common good,

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rather than in enriching her employers,

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all of which have Gurgon going, "That's our 
Hitler!"

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Linda is a bit skeptical of the prospect, 
though,

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as in addition to all her other naïve ingénue 
qualities,

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she's hardly set foot out of her own neighborhood.

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Which, when you consider she lives in the 
middle of one of the most diverse cities

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in the United States is especially sad.

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But Gurgon is threatening to cut lab funding 
if the Rice 9 sale doesn't go through,

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so one establishing shot of a plane later,

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she's getting her first glimpse of India.

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[light music]

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DIVA: You know you're in a bad place when 
your movie is sending its white protagonist 
to India

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and her first reaction to the situation basically 
reads as,

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"Oh no, there are so many brown people here!"

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I can see why so many people found this movie 
insulting.

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The way the primary setting is treated is 
shallow and condesending.

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Linda's first experiences in India are an 
embarrassing playup

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of how exotic and non-European everything 
is.

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"Look, they have animals out in the open 
and everything!"

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"People actually ride in carts pulled by 
oxen—no motors!"

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"There's this thing where they wash your 
feet while waving a flaming coconut in your 
face."

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"And they eat with their hands! How weird 
is that?!"

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This is a good example of why putting a white 
person

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at the center of your story about a non-white 
culture is a bad idea.

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It makes everything about their reaction 
to what they see rather than the culture 
itself.

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Not that there's much of the culture to speak 
of.

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For a movie that claims to be a love letter 
to Bollywood and India,

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there's very little of either involved.

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All the things you likely think of when picturing 
a Bollywood musical number—

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the large cast of dancers, the elaborate 
sets, the traditional costumes and dance 
moves—

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show up in this movie only briefly and in 
weak, half-hearted imitation.

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And don't expect anything about the history 
or culture of India either.

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For example, the second act of the film takes 
place during the lead-up to Diwali,

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a five-day festival of light that features 
luminous decorations,

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fireworks, and gifts and food with family,

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all of which barely feature in the movie 
itself.

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One character makes an off-hand and highly 
over-simplified comment

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about the holiday being like Christmas,

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and a few characters go to a club, and that's 
it.

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If you've seen that one episode of The Office,

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you know more about Diwali than this movie 
cares to show you.

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Basically, you could make this entire story 
about Linda selling corn to farmers in Iowa,

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and it wouldn't really change a thing.

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After Linda's whirlwind tour of Indian stereotypes,

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she arrives in the town of Bilari and is 
greeted by the agricultural office representative,

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a three-piece schmuck named William Patel.

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WILLIAM PATEL: Um, pardon me, you're Dr. 
Watt's assistant?

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DIVA: Ah yes, the good old "You can't possibly 
be a doctor because you're a lady girl with 
female parts."

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Because if there's one thing India's never 
heard of, it's a woman doctor.

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William, as you can probably guess, is the 
Mr. Wrong

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in this love triangle the movie is establishing.

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Mr. Right is a local boy named Rajit

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who Linda met-cute with on the train as they 
grabbed for the same cup of tea.

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Rajit was going to college but the money 
ran out,

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so he's back on the farm and is really bitter 
about that.

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RAJIT: I can't believe I'm back to this! 
I ... [groans]

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DIVA: At least the writers did have the sense 
to give the

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"everything's all rural here and I hate it" 
whining

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to one of the locals instead of the white 
expatriate.

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Speaking of, she's made herself comfortable 
at William's "Crazy Rich South Asians" compound

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and is touring the countryside via sin #3: 
"When Tomorrow Comes."

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LINDA [singing]: And when's the moment night 
is followed by day?

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DIVA: I'll take lyrics trying too hard to 
be profound for $800,

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whoever is making me miss Alex this week.

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Really, this entire song is just an excuse 
for more generic sitar riffs

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and Indians being Indian shots.

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The whole thing looks and sounds like a particularly 
bad vacation advertisement.

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"Explore the exotic beauty of India without 
leaving the comfort of your air-conditioned 
vehicle."

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"See locals hard at work in picturesque settings, 
doing things in a quaint, old-timey way."

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"Maybe you'll see dancing or this stern but 
wise looking old woman just kind of staring 
at you."

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"Pretend to get cultured with Non-Threatening 
Travels,

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for people who want to see the world without 
engaging in it."

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Linda's ride breaks down and her phone has 
died,

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so she really has no choice but to actually 
get out of the vehicle

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and do some looking around on foot.

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At which point she encounters Rajit again

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but fails to recognize him because he's right-side 
up.

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LINDA: Hello!

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RAJIT: Hi!

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LINDA [slowly]: Do you speak English?

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[thud]

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RAJIT: English? Yes, lady memsahib,

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I'm speaking English many year. Please, thank 
you!

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DIVA: To be fair, he did greet her with "Hi," 
instead of "Namaste,"

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so it was kind of a dumb question.

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Nevertheless, Rajit wastes no time having 
a bit of mean-spirited fun at Linda's expense.

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LINDA: Oh, is that for rice?

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RAJIT: No, is for killing monkeys. Come, 
watching.

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LINDA: I haven't seen any monkeys.
RAJIT: 
Shhh! Is good weapon.

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DIVA: Somehow the parts where they make fun 
of Linda being bewildered

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and unversed in local life are even worse 
than the parts where they play it straight.

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Possibly because these parts involve the 
guy the movie is trying to set her up with,

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and doesn't expect his actions to be a dealbreaker.

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William gets pissed off when Linda uses Rajit's 
joke head-slap greeting on a local elder,

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as he really wants this Mogil deal to go 
through so he can live in New York

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and make his father proud and stuff.

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Meanwhile, the next stop on Linda's goodwill 
tour is a dinner with a local family,

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and you'll never guess whose family she's 
scheduled to meet.

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No really, you couldn't *possibly* guess.

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LINDA: That's him! That's the monkey hunter!

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LITTLE BROTHER: Traditional family greeting! 
Oof!

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DIVA: Okay, maybe you will guess.

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Linda is shocked to finally recognize the 
guy from the train

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and that she's been played for a dupe,

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but she gets over it to share her mad guitar 
skills with her hosts

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and walk under the stars with Rajit while 
discussing their favorite weeds.

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I'm not even joking.

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LINDA: Hedysarum geranus. That is my sixth-favorite 
weed.

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RAJIT: Wow, that is so weird.

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LINDA: Yeah.

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DIVA: See, Rajit is into agriculture too 
and has a plan to raise money for college

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by selling stinkweed as a natural pest deterrent.

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Meanwhile, Linda is presenting her pest-deterrent 
rice to the locals

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and almost immediately starts bombing.

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SCIENTIST: Did you really hit our town elder?

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LINDA: It was a misunderstanding.

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[CROSSTALK]

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DIVA: It's not a promising beginning, but 
I'm sure that once she learns a little bit

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about the local people and their culture, 
they'll gradually—

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SCIENTIST: Mogil's got it all figured out 
with Rice 9. Even the stem beetles!

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DIVA: Or she'll just instantly win them over, 
I guess.

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The ease with which Linda and her Rice 9 
are accepted

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is bothersome enough on the narrative level,

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but this particular setting is what really 
makes it rub the wrong way.

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This is India! The fight against British 
rule is still within living memory.

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One of the many reasons this film didn't 
play well with Indian audiences

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is because the villain's tactics are uncomfortably 
similar to those

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faced by indigo farmers in the 19th century.

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Linda should be met with a lot more inherent 
and justifiable mistrust than she is.

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But because she's a nice white girl and is 
able to meet the low bar of not a drunken 
lech,

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she's welcomed with open arms.

219
00:13:50,600 --> 00:13:54,540
The only person who doesn't instantly trust 
Linda is Rajit,

220
00:13:54,600 --> 00:13:58,000
who quite rightly points out that a large 
multinational corporation

221
00:13:58,100 --> 00:14:01,830
isn't providing fancy GMO rice out of pure 
altruism.

222
00:14:01,840 --> 00:14:05,370
He convinces the farmers to avoid signing 
contracts with Mogil

223
00:14:05,400 --> 00:14:10,700
until they compare the Rice 9 test harvest 
with his own stinkweed-protected paddies.

224
00:14:10,800 --> 00:14:14,500
Which will occur the day before Mogil hosts 
a rice exchange day

225
00:14:14,600 --> 00:14:18,040
where contracted farmers will trade in their 
old seeds for the new.

226
00:14:18,100 --> 00:14:22,310
So while Linda frets about not being able 
to get anyone to sign contracts,

227
00:14:22,400 --> 00:14:25,020
William flirts, Rajit glowers and argues 
with her,

228
00:14:25,100 --> 00:14:28,700
and they all have a big indie pop video together.

229
00:14:28,800 --> 00:14:35,600
ALL [overlapping singing]: Don't knock at 
my door. Don't come here no more.

230
00:14:35,700 --> 00:14:41,400
DIVA: Eventually, William reads the fine 
print in the farmers' contracts and discovers 
Mogil's angle.

231
00:14:41,500 --> 00:14:43,930
The grains produced by Rice 9 are sterile,

232
00:14:44,000 --> 00:14:47,100
meaning the farmers will have to buy fresh 
seed every year

233
00:14:47,200 --> 00:14:50,620
and essentially will be beholden to the corporation 
forever.

234
00:14:50,700 --> 00:14:52,930
He confronts Gurgon with this information,

235
00:14:53,000 --> 00:14:56,700
but Gurgon and Evelyn appeal to William's 
sense of materialism

236
00:14:56,820 --> 00:14:59,640
with sin #6: "The Greater Good."

237
00:14:59,700 --> 00:15:04,190
GURGON [singing]: When it comes to job creation, 
conglomerates can't be beat.

238
00:15:04,200 --> 00:15:09,500
EVELYN [singing]: You've gotta loosen up 
child labor laws and get the kiddies off 
of the street.

239
00:15:09,600 --> 00:15:13,400
DIVA: This does have some elements that would 
make for a good villain song.

240
00:15:13,500 --> 00:15:16,520
I can't say no to some jabs at late-stage 
capitalism.

241
00:15:17,000 --> 00:15:21,460
But here's the problem: you have Tyne Daly, 
who can sing,

242
00:15:21,470 --> 00:15:28,600
EVELYN [singing]: Rising tides will lift 
us all. (The greater good) From the rice 
field to the mall.

243
00:15:28,610 --> 00:15:34,610
DIVA: And then you have Donald Sutherland, 
who really can't and just talks his way through 
the part.

244
00:15:34,700 --> 00:15:37,800
GURGON [speak-singing]: It's the premise 
and the promise of the trickle-down system

245
00:15:37,900 --> 00:15:39,500
CHORUS [singing]: The greater good

246
00:15:39,660 --> 00:15:44,290
DIVA: Either of these approaches by themselves 
would be valid for the song.

247
00:15:44,300 --> 00:15:48,220
But when you put them together, it's not 
good.

248
00:15:48,300 --> 00:15:53,440
EVELYN AND GURGON: Start working for the 
greater good.

249
00:15:53,700 --> 00:15:57,500
DIVA: The song also goes through way too 
many genre changes.

250
00:15:57,600 --> 00:16:02,110
From soft shoe to country to ... disco, I 
guess?

251
00:16:02,120 --> 00:16:07,060
EVELYN [singing]: That we can rest with easy 
conscience, knowing everything we've done...

252
00:16:07,400 --> 00:16:10,500
DIVA: Bottom line, William decides to sell 
out his home and country

253
00:16:10,600 --> 00:16:15,350
for the sake of expensive Scotch, a transfer 
to New York, and a nice cowboy hat.

254
00:16:15,360 --> 00:16:17,730
He takes Linda out dancing to celebrate,

255
00:16:17,800 --> 00:16:20,140
while Rajit and his sister Sita—

256
00:16:20,200 --> 00:16:25,580
who by virtue of being the only other woman 
between the ages of 18 and 50 in this movie

257
00:16:25,590 --> 00:16:27,790
has been designated as Linda's friend—

258
00:16:27,800 --> 00:16:29,620
sneak in through the back way.

259
00:16:29,700 --> 00:16:35,800
So Linda gets to see Rajit being adorably 
awkward and learns some basic bhangra moves 
from Sita.

260
00:16:35,900 --> 00:16:38,970
All in all, it's hardly the club from In 
the Heights.

261
00:16:38,980 --> 00:16:41,490
Here it's hardly the trailer for In the Heights.

262
00:16:41,500 --> 00:16:44,400
LINDA: Nobody's signing the contracts.

263
00:16:45,600 --> 00:16:49,010
I don't know why. It's ... I've been losing 
sleep over it.

264
00:16:49,020 --> 00:16:52,950
DIVA: Oh yeah, did I mention Rajit set up 
this so-called contest

265
00:16:53,000 --> 00:16:55,740
between himself and Linda without involving 
her?

266
00:16:55,750 --> 00:17:01,230
Why is this movie going out of its way to 
avoid any real plot conflict?

267
00:17:01,300 --> 00:17:04,370
Anyway, Rajit can't bring himself to come 
clean,

268
00:17:04,380 --> 00:17:06,580
but he does get to slow-dance with Linda

269
00:17:06,590 --> 00:17:09,420
until William bribes a bouncer to have him 
thrown out.

270
00:17:09,500 --> 00:17:11,900
And before he can get around to his confession,

271
00:17:12,000 --> 00:17:15,400
Linda just happens to stumble onto the whole 
affair.

272
00:17:15,500 --> 00:17:16,900
-Stinkweed!
-Linda!

273
00:17:17,000 --> 00:17:20,640
-Diwali! Lousy stars!
-Violence is not the 
answer.

274
00:17:20,640 --> 00:17:25,590
-Depends on the question.
-These are for 
you!

275
00:17:26,000 --> 00:17:29,230
But it turns out that Linda's rice did outperform 
Rajit's,

276
00:17:29,700 --> 00:17:31,680
so everyone's signing with Mogil now

277
00:17:31,900 --> 00:17:34,700
and Linda learns Rajit just wanted to go 
back to college,

278
00:17:34,800 --> 00:17:37,940
so everything's okay now between them, I 
guess?

279
00:17:37,900 --> 00:17:41,300
At least until they start fighting again?

280
00:17:41,400 --> 00:17:45,600
And then Rajit starts singing a love song 
to her?

281
00:17:45,700 --> 00:17:54,100
RAJIT [singing]: All I am, I'm just a man 
/ Who has loved you from the start

282
00:17:54,200 --> 00:17:56,630
DIVA: I've just realized something.

283
00:17:56,400 --> 00:18:01,700
If you take all the tired, overused romantic 
comedy beats and mix them up at random,

284
00:18:01,800 --> 00:18:04,750
they're still tired and overused,

285
00:18:04,400 --> 00:18:09,130
especially when the couple's attitudes towards 
each other keep bouncing between extremes.

286
00:18:09,130 --> 00:18:12,670
For example, Rajit and Linda are making nice 
now,

287
00:18:12,700 --> 00:18:16,400
but it's only a matter of time before Rajit 
learns Rice 9 is sterile

288
00:18:16,500 --> 00:18:18,750
and believes Linda has betrayed his community,

289
00:18:18,800 --> 00:18:20,900
even though she couldn't *possibly* know—

290
00:18:21,000 --> 00:18:22,600
LINDA: You don't plant the rice that you 
harvest.

291
00:18:22,700 --> 00:18:24,800
You eat that, and then you plant rice from 
seed.

292
00:18:24,890 --> 00:18:28,690
RAJIT: Which we're expected to buy from Mogil 
every time we plant?

293
00:18:28,700 --> 00:18:29,700
LINDA: Naturally.

294
00:18:29,800 --> 00:18:36,960
DIVA: Or maybe she's known all along and 
fails to see why this might be an issue.

295
00:18:36,960 --> 00:18:37,610
[sighs]

296
00:18:37,900 --> 00:18:41,000
We come now to the main question before this 
court,

297
00:18:41,100 --> 00:18:44,900
namely, does Basmati Blues promote white 
savior-ism?

298
00:18:45,060 --> 00:18:47,240
The answer is ... yes and no.

299
00:18:47,800 --> 00:18:51,690
You don't have to squint to see the elements 
of the trope in play here.

300
00:18:51,600 --> 00:18:56,600
Linda's goal is to save the beknighted poor 
people of the world through the power of 
science.

301
00:18:56,700 --> 00:19:02,200
She goes to India to pursue that aim with 
no knowledge of or input from the local community,

302
00:19:02,770 --> 00:19:06,330
who nevertheless accept her assistance with 
disturbing eagerness.

303
00:19:06,330 --> 00:19:08,730
And, as we will see shortly,

304
00:19:08,900 --> 00:19:13,110
she spearheads the movement to stand up against 
the villains in the climax.

305
00:19:13,200 --> 00:19:18,740
On the other hand, Linda's actions are shown 
to be a Trojan horse for corporate colonialism,

306
00:19:19,000 --> 00:19:21,940
which is kind of a subversion.

307
00:19:21,300 --> 00:19:25,900
But I think where Basmati Blues really fails 
as a white savior narrative

308
00:19:26,000 --> 00:19:31,950
is that the would-be savior is clearly the 
stupidest person in the entire movie.

309
00:19:31,600 --> 00:19:37,520
So, Linda doesn't know anything about traditional 
Indian greetings or dining ettiquete, fine.

310
00:19:37,520 --> 00:19:41,180
Honestly, that probably puts her on the same 
level as a lot of visitors to India.

311
00:19:41,180 --> 00:19:45,770
But she's an agricultural engineer!

312
00:19:45,770 --> 00:19:51,720
She has a doctorate in this field. She has 
ranked her favorite weeds, for Lucifer's 
sake!

313
00:19:51,720 --> 00:19:57,180
High on the list of the things she should 
know is how farming works.

314
00:19:57,400 --> 00:20:02,210
And this is neither the time nor the place 
to discuss the pros and cons of GMOs.

315
00:20:02,200 --> 00:20:06,500
But by this movie's simplistic "old ways 
good, new ways bad" standards,

316
00:20:06,600 --> 00:20:10,500
Linda's blind spot here is especially baffling.

317
00:20:10,600 --> 00:20:15,130
If your life goal is to improve agricultural 
practices to make them more productive,

318
00:20:15,900 --> 00:20:20,100
shouldn't you start by knowing what those 
agricultural practices are?

319
00:20:20,570 --> 00:20:23,360
And if your solution is the slightest bit 
sustainable?

320
00:20:25,000 --> 00:20:30,600
Anyway [sighs], Rajit is obviously infuriated 
and does his own research

321
00:20:30,700 --> 00:20:34,800
with the contracts and Mogil's super-condescending 
promotional video.

322
00:20:34,900 --> 00:20:37,100
But before he can act on this information,

323
00:20:37,460 --> 00:20:41,870
William has him arrested and framed for trashing 
Linda's lab.

324
00:20:41,870 --> 00:20:43,260
So the rice exchange goes on as scheduled

325
00:20:43,260 --> 00:20:47,670
as the villains gloat and Scott Bacula decides 
to show up again,

326
00:20:47,670 --> 00:20:51,240
and Linda decides to visit Rajit in prison, 
just because.

327
00:20:51,600 --> 00:21:00,900
RAJIT: I've been terrible to you, but when 
I'm with you, I feel... I...

328
00:21:01,000 --> 00:21:03,730
[singing] If I had a hundred arms ...

329
00:21:03,900 --> 00:21:08,800
DIVA: Um, Rajit? I'm not here to tell you 
how to conduct your romance,

330
00:21:08,730 --> 00:21:14,440
but maybe lead with "I was framed and Mogil 
has been using you to dupe farmers into eternal 
debt,"

331
00:21:14,600 --> 00:21:16,200
instead of the love song?

332
00:21:16,300 --> 00:21:20,000
LINDA: ... lying. I don't even know why I 
came here.

333
00:21:20,100 --> 00:21:25,100
DIVA: I don't know why you did either. What 
was the purpose of that scene?

334
00:21:25,200 --> 00:21:27,100
But Linda has started having doubts

335
00:21:27,200 --> 00:21:30,300
and even Gurgon's "Of course the farmers 
know what they're signing up for.

336
00:21:30,400 --> 00:21:33,150
Don't be ridiculous!"  fails to placate her.

337
00:21:33,100 --> 00:21:37,250
And by the time she's called up to speak 
at the big rice exchange to-do,

338
00:21:37,250 --> 00:21:39,460
she's gone completely off the rails.

339
00:21:39,960 --> 00:21:41,600
[gentle music]

340
00:21:41,700 --> 00:21:49,450
LINDA: What a weird guy. He doesn't like 
the Taj Mahal. [laughs]

341
00:21:49,450 --> 00:21:56,530
DIVA: Finally—finally—Linda tells the farmers 
that Rice 9 seed needs to be bought every 
year

342
00:21:56,300 --> 00:22:02,100
and realizes they did not in fact know that 
and the implications of what she's done finally 
hit her.

343
00:22:02,200 --> 00:22:05,580
Gurgon's attempts to silence her are only 
briefly effective,

344
00:22:05,900 --> 00:22:09,000
and she leads the farmers to get their old 
rice back.

345
00:22:09,100 --> 00:22:11,800
Luckily, the local cops side with them—

346
00:22:11,020 --> 00:22:14,020
one of them even unlocks Rajit's cell—

347
00:22:14,100 --> 00:22:18,500
and the train has been stalled by William, 
who has had a change of heart because...

348
00:22:18,600 --> 00:22:21,100
something, something, his father. I don't 
know.

349
00:22:21,200 --> 00:22:25,460
Rajit and Linda were changing their attitudes 
every scene, so he probably felt left out.

350
00:22:26,000 --> 00:22:31,720
But hey, what's an evil corporation without 
some hired armored goons to enforce their 
will?

351
00:22:31,720 --> 00:22:33,530
How will our heroes ever—

352
00:22:33,600 --> 00:22:41,400
[Bollywood music]

353
00:22:41,500 --> 00:22:44,080


354
00:22:44,080 --> 00:22:46,410
DIVA: Gurgon and Evelyn have got the train 
moving,

355
00:22:46,700 --> 00:22:51,100
but Linda uncouples the rice cars while her 
dad and William burn the contracts.

356
00:22:51,550 --> 00:22:56,340
Which of course Mogil doesn't have any copies 
or other records of. Don't be ridiculous!

357
00:22:56,300 --> 00:23:00,600
Rajit, meanwhile, has made the questionable 
choice of trying to stop the train

358
00:23:00,700 --> 00:23:03,880
by parking his car across the tracks.

359
00:23:03,100 --> 00:23:06,750
Linda tries to tell him his suicidal action 
is unnecessary,

360
00:23:06,500 --> 00:23:11,100
but he doesn't listen to her because nobody 
listens to *anybody* in this movie, because 
...

361
00:23:11,200 --> 00:23:14,350
MAN: You're stupid mimes! Stupid! Stupid!

362
00:23:14,350 --> 00:23:20,140
[gentle music]

363
00:23:20,140 --> 00:23:23,920
[Rajit yells; crash]

364
00:23:23,920 --> 00:23:26,930
DIVA: The farmers get their rice, Rajit and 
Linda get each other,

365
00:23:26,400 --> 00:23:30,280
and Mogil probably has the patent on Rice 
9 and lots of markets

366
00:23:30,600 --> 00:23:33,400
that don't have idealistic scientists fighting 
for them,

367
00:23:33,500 --> 00:23:36,520
so they're probably fine taking the L on 
this one.

368
00:23:36,500 --> 00:23:40,820
And finally, we get a group dance number 
that is definitely not worth sitting

369
00:23:40,820 --> 00:23:42,130
through the rest of this movie for.

370
00:23:42,700 --> 00:23:51,100
[happy Bollywood music]

371
00:23:51,200 --> 00:23:54,500
[thunder crashes]

372
00:23:54,600 --> 00:23:57,230
DIVA: If it hadn't been set in India,

373
00:23:57,230 --> 00:24:01,010
Basmati Blues would have just been a formulaic 
romantic comedy,

374
00:24:01,010 --> 00:24:03,730
albeit a badly-written one.

375
00:24:03,500 --> 00:24:08,800
But because it *is* set in India and claims 
to follow in the spirit of Indian cinema,

376
00:24:08,570 --> 00:24:15,120
it has all the boorish insensitivity of a 
rude tourist barging around on vacation.

377
00:24:15,100 --> 00:24:21,660
The producers, director, and writers had 
no real interest in the culture they were 
presuming to appropriate,

378
00:24:21,600 --> 00:24:30,200
so through a special cross-theological arrangement, 
this court condemns them to be reincarnated 
as rice weevils.

379
00:24:30,300 --> 00:24:36,500
So let it be recorded. This session of the 
infernal court in Musical Hell is now adjourned.

380
00:24:36,600 --> 00:24:36,920
[gavel bangs]

381
00:24:37,950 --> 00:25:06,000
["Danse Macabre" by Camille Saint-Saëns]