1
00:00:00,00 --> 00:00:04,800
So we used to be tight, we used to go to 
the Penrose

2
00:00:04,900 --> 00:00:07,400
Congrats, Cuzzy took home another 300-pound 
troll!

3
00:00:07,500 --> 00:00:10,600
As if he were ever interested in genetic 
women

4
00:00:11,100 --> 00:00:15,900
Vanessa used to work there too, before she 
went on her "elite" "study" trip to London

5
00:00:17,400 --> 00:00:21,400
She's studying Shakespeare, she's going to 
change the world!

6
00:00:21,500 --> 00:00:23,900
She's the American Winston Churchill now!

7
00:00:25,800 --> 00:00:28,200
Cool Facebook posts!

8
00:00:29,600 --> 00:00:31,000
It's true, a real intellectual!

9
00:00:31,100 --> 00:00:34,800
Her apartment there is probably a renaissance 
salon at this point!

10
00:00:38,000 --> 00:00:39,800
I just can't even...

11
00:00:41,100 --> 00:00:47,500
Nobody's had this much fun since Sam fucked 
V on her balcony

12
00:00:47,600 --> 00:00:50,500
She was squirming like Cuzzy at Evolve lounge 
looking for trannies on his birthday!

13
00:00:51,300 --> 00:00:56,800
Cuzzy was mad when he took the tranny home 
because she DIDN'T get hard!!

14
00:00:58,000 --> 00:00:59,300
I'm not making this up, I swear

15
00:00:59,400 --> 00:01:01,700
The dude should star on the transgender Bachelorette!

16
00:01:04,100 --> 00:01:06,100
Sweetie Coxx, will you take this rose?

17
00:01:06,500 --> 00:01:08,400
Suck me Caitlyn!!!

18
00:01:13,000 --> 00:01:14,500
Solo would laugh, but he's stuck in his office

19
00:01:14,600 --> 00:01:16,700
He's working hard, he filmed 13 snapchats 
already and had 6 cups of coffee

20
00:01:17,100 --> 00:01:20,200
He spends more time staring at Vlad than 
working on his spreadsheets

21
00:01:21,300 --> 00:01:27,300
Nothing compares to Sam though, thanks so 
much for the invitation to Montauk!! Lemme 
help you with those burgers bud!! Naw nevermind, 
you've got it pal

22
00:01:34,900 --> 00:01:36,600
Hey bud, can you clean up our cups?

23
00:01:36,900 --> 00:01:39,700
I think some water spilled out of your jacuzzi!! 
You better get a towel!

24
00:01:41,200 --> 00:01:44,200
But seriously, I love Sam. He's great.

25
00:01:44,300 --> 00:01:47,100
Way better than that fuck face UES Ryan

26
00:01:47,200 --> 00:01:49,100
With his "hot" and "normal" girlfriend Danielle

27
00:01:50,000 --> 00:01:53,100
How will he have time for all his friends!?!?

28
00:01:54,700 --> 00:01:56,600
Ryan doesn't realize that fat Richie is the 
only groomsman he's going to have

29
00:01:56,700 --> 00:01:58,900
Standing next to him at the altar, sweating 
profusely in his XXXXXL tux

30
00:01:59,400 --> 00:02:02,700
Danielle, do you take this awkward loser 
to be your lawfully wedded husband?

31
00:02:04,900 --> 00:02:07,200
He thinks Solo is his pal, Solo's gonna be 
giving the toast!!!

32
00:02:10,000 --> 00:02:11,000
Can't wait for all the Microsoft Excel jokes!

33
00:02:11,100 --> 00:02:13,000
Man are those gonna kill!

34
00:02:15,000 --> 00:02:16,900
Vanessa's gonna be putting every picture 
from the wedding up on Instagram!!

35
00:02:17,400 --> 00:02:20,700
There will be inspirational captions for 
each of the photos!!

36
00:02:21,000 --> 00:02:27,700
"True love conquers all, may the light of 
your hearts warm each other until you grow 
old and droop like Spanish moss!"

37
00:02:29,000 --> 00:02:30,000
Good one V, that's so deep

38
00:02:30,100 --> 00:02:33,100
Sure, she's a well-oiled machine, a beautiful 
mind!

39
00:02:36,900 --> 00:02:40,200
I haven't laughed this hard since Rick screened 
"Inside Girl -- Deep Impact" at Fire Island

40
00:02:40,300 --> 00:02:43,000
What do those subtitles say?? Smother me 
with your dope koi fish tattoo??

41
00:02:50,600 --> 00:02:55,000
Oh this is too much... I'm having more fun 
than Mike at a free deodorant giveaway

42
00:02:56,700 --> 00:02:58,200
He really does smell awful sometimes, doesn't 
he?

43
00:02:58,300 --> 00:03:04,000
Real talk--those bike shorts smell like expired 
milk had sex with uncultured three-month-old 
Greek yogurt

44
00:03:04,100 --> 00:03:08,900
At least he can wipe his ass, Jeff can't 
even do that. Ma Dude CJ shit in the middle 
of Stuytown

45
00:03:09,000 --> 00:03:11,500
Ayyyy, where's a fresh loaf of subway bread 
when you need it

46
00:03:16,600 --> 00:03:20,200
JxAx diarrhea sandwich would be Subway's 
best selling item

47
00:03:23,900 --> 00:03:26,500
5 Dollar foot-long, fantastic!! I'd rather 
eat that than pregame with UES Ryan

48
00:03:31,000 --> 00:03:36,000
LOL Wolfpack