1 00:00:00,00 --> 00:00:03,800 The firework reports are just in 2 00:00:03,900 --> 00:00:04,900 Loud bangs here and here and apparently... 3 00:00:05,000 --> 00:00:07,300 ...a Roman Candle just here. 4 00:00:07,400 --> 00:00:11,500 A Catherine Wheel is causing problems near the Green Man 5 00:00:11,600 --> 00:00:15,900 And some children have been seen with sparklers near the War Horse. 6 00:00:17,400 --> 00:00:21,300 Well, that'll be because it's bonfire night, won't it? 7 00:00:24,300 --> 00:00:25,600 Boss 8 00:00:27,600 --> 00:00:28,100 It's 9 00:00:31,000 --> 00:00:33,500 You haven't been down here as long as you think, boss. 10 00:00:34,000 --> 00:00:35,700 It's only September. 11 00:00:52,500 --> 00:00:58,500 Please leave the room if your wife is called Karen. 12 00:01:12,900 --> 00:01:14,000 What is Buckshaw Village coming to? 13 00:01:15,000 --> 00:01:18,300 It's turning into fucking Beiruit! 14 00:01:18,400 --> 00:01:23,200 My cat is going to have a bloody fit when she finds out it isn't Bommy Night! 15 00:01:24,400 --> 00:01:28,100 So no treacle toffee either! 16 00:01:28,900 --> 00:01:30,500 I haven't even warned the dog! 17 00:01:31,300 --> 00:01:33,600 What about my gerbil? He's already twitchy. 18 00:01:33,700 --> 00:01:40,100 My daughter's goldfish is going to think drug dealers with uzi's are taking pot shots at it! 19 00:01:40,200 --> 00:01:42,200 Boss nobody thinks gunfights when they think Buckshaw! 20 00:01:43,200 --> 00:01:45,800 Nobody thought they'd turn the Cow Shed into a tanning salon but they did! 21 00:01:46,200 --> 00:01:48,000 It's not even against the law to use fireworks during Emmerdale! 22 00:01:48,100 --> 00:01:52,900 What's the law got to do with anything? I don't want my evening interrupted... 23 00:01:53,000 --> 00:01:53,900 ...by a nine year old .... 24 00:01:55,500 --> 00:01:58,800 ...who can't have a birthday without his parents setting fire to £50 worth of cheap rockets. 25 00:01:58,900 --> 00:02:03,700 Poor little Johnny wants to celebrate his birthday. Why can't he do it more quietly? 26 00:02:03,800 --> 00:02:08,600 Has he not got enough flashes and bangs on his X-Box? 27 00:02:08,700 --> 00:02:10,700 He's having a nice time meanwhile everyone else has got cats and dogs 28 00:02:10,800 --> 00:02:13,100 and hamsters and goldfish going out of their minds 29 00:02:13,400 --> 00:02:17,000 and reaching for the Prozac 30 00:02:17,100 --> 00:02:21,900 I came here because it was quiet and because of the nice houses. I can park my Mercedes on a peasant if I like. 31 00:02:27,000 --> 00:02:29,400 Instead, what have I got? 32 00:02:30,600 --> 00:02:36,100 A demented Cockerpoo, an anxious terrapin and I have to keep rewinding Netflix. 33 00:02:41,000 --> 00:02:47,300 All because people want to enjoy themselves without asking for my permission first! The selfish bastards! 34 00:02:48,100 --> 00:02:53,700 Neurotic pets and explosives. We didn't have this in Hindley Green. 35 00:02:53,900 --> 00:02:56,000 It's like living near a bomb factory. 36 00:02:56,100 --> 00:03:02,700 A bomb factory with roundabouts, modern housing, a KFC and an unhappy chihuahua. 37 00:03:03,900 --> 00:03:07,200 I'm sure nobody will mind at New Year. 38 00:03:14,300 --> 00:03:16,500 I don't know what to do anymore. 39 00:03:19,300 --> 00:03:23,500 I suppose this was what we did to London during the Blitz. 40 00:03:25,200 --> 00:03:26,100 I'm leaving. 41 00:03:31,100 --> 00:03:33,000 I've had enough. 42 00:03:40,200 --> 00:03:45,500 I'm going where the sunshines brightly, I'm going where the sea is blue 43 00:03:46,000 --> 00:03:49,400 I've seen it in the movies, you know 44 00:03:53,400 --> 00:03:55,300 How far is it to Hull?